Ukime No Sekisetsu
by lyrainthedark
Summary: One hundred years of pain, alone. One hundred years of penance; is it enough? The end is the beginning for both of them. Outlined in darkness, outlined in light, the lonely ones, bound by grief, come together. Now Complete! Duplicate Chapter Fixed!
1. Chapter 1

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part I**

**Fallen: Sesshomaru**

* * *

_The ones left in my care say that I am honorable. I cannot forgive them, just as I cannot forgive myself. Not for learning the truth, but for learning it too late. Not for forgetting, but for being forever unable to forget. The truth is, my one honor was taken from me long ago, and I did not miss it until too late. _

_The long years have been kind to me, they say, and they only quiet when my eyes touch on them. When they speak, the words grind in my ears, until I remember the promise that binds me._

"_Protect them, Sesshomaru."_

_And I wonder if the one who spoke those words knows everything that changed because of them. _

_The stories of ages say that with time, memories dull, the faces in them blurred with hopes. Perhaps it is because I did not have hopes that my memory is not dulled at all. The long years have sharpened it, and when I think back the expression on every face is etched with a permanence that is more than surreal. I see tears, blinks, gasps, joys, pains, passions – each face with its own soul. _

_Before her, and in the long nights after, I did not believe in souls. While I held her hands beneath the sun of the green earth, there were souls everywhere, and spirits fought in the shades of the sunset and in the slick darkness. And is it time to believe in souls again? _

_When I ask myself that question, my hands shake. I do not know why, I do not understand this feeling, this ache. It is the ache that covets my bones, and sleeps alongside them, and wakes with me to make every dawn cold._

_The moment after I awaken, I have always forgotten that she is gone. It is in that moment that I am allowed to speak her name. Afterward, I remember the reasons, the tortures, the way of her death. I remember these hundred years of pain, and I think to myself: the stories of ages are lies, and a soul is a breath, and her breath is long still. _

_In another moment, I will try to speak her name, but my own throat chokes me. I cannot see past a red veil of silence, and then, it comes. I do not let anyone hear me. When I can say it, it is no longer my voice. I am undone._

_A Chinese poet said it best: _

_The bloom is not a bloom, the mist not mist,  
At midnight she comes, and goes again at dawn.  
She comes like a spring dream- how long will she stay?  
She goes like morning cloud, without a trace._

* * *

_**In another time, in another place, there was Kagome, and Inuyasha. They moved through the world, gathering companions and flinging out justice like a whirlwind, and then meeting with evil in a titanic clash at the edge of worlds for the salvation of all. When the other names were forgotten by all but a few, those two still remained, entwined like one being, a single legend in the annals of history. The legend makes them friends who became something like lovers, without the simplicity of that expression...**_

_This is all lies._

Sesshomaru stared at the pages in his hands, and was filled with a sudden, inexplicable desire to tear them to shreds. The dark corner of his thoughts laughed at him, and spoke at him.

_But isn't it better to remember this way? To forge blasphemy in the name of purity? When they came asking, you said: I want no one to remember me! Let them remember Inuyasha._

He scowled, and tossed the pages on his desk. In a hundred years, he had not forgotten anything that had happened, and to read it in those words, on that paper…! The one who he had paid to write this had done exactly as he asked; how could he complain? He stood and walked around the desk.

_That is what I said, but I did not think it would feel like this. I feel too much…these days._

Before he could stop himself, he picked up the sheaf of pages and flung them into the fire. It was only a courtesy fire- a necessity for the human guests he could not avoid having, these days - and it did not usually burn so large. In a moment, the greedy flames turned the pages and their distressing words into ashes and embers. Soon they would be dust.

What was there to do now? The emptiness, the gnawing feeling – how could he rid himself of it?

Slowly, the answer came to him, the old answer that had always satisfied – until.

_Until. What I would not give to change – but it is has all been done, and I can change nothing…nothing. _

He would go out into the land, and open himself to the scream and cry of battle, and end this solitude, pretending that he had not heard the whisper in himself, the whisper of weakness. Sesshomaru turned away from the lingering ashes, and moved towards the door. Outside, a shining three-quarter moon glinted from behind pennants of silver cloud, flooding the earth with light.

There was no reason to wait; not for daylight, not for a companion's comfort, not for earth or sea or sky. The door slid open; the door slid shut. Like a dark wind clad in silk, he moved out into the night.

* * *

A/N: Much thanks to Chaotic Reverie, who pointed out a really annoyingly simple error...as of now, I'll be going through the rest of Ukime to see if I can winkle out any other such silliness!


	2. Chapter 2

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part I**

**Fallen: Kagome**

**

* * *

  
**

_From the last days, I carry with me only the heavy weight of my sorrow, a burden I will share with no one. _

_They all had left me, and I was alone. _

_The first weight, before sorrow, was blood. I will never forget the smell, the hard bitterness of iron sneaking into the thirst of the air. And the scent that caused each wound, each death, rearing its head like a striking cobra, coming down like a leopard, killing with a spider's kiss._

_The face of my enemy…the face of Naraku was the face of death. After everything, it was I, left with the greatest reason to destroy, I, left with the greatest reason to survive. One by one, they each spent their lives protecting me, so how could I let their enemy, my enemy, be victorious? How could I?_

_So I fought, and Inuyasha's power was in me, and Sango's strength, and Miroku's will. At the end, Naraku pulled me close, so close, and smiled at me...and it was my task, my responsibility, to return that smile. _

_And then there was light. _

_We were all within it – I have always believed that final blow was made with souls, not just an arrow, not just my power - but it penetrated. There was a scream, like claws of darkness in the air, and the sky rained poison. And when the quest was finished, the task complete - I wanted to follow them. _

_The long journey was over, the weapons were put back in their places...but the whisper of guilt was not to be silenced. I was...alone. _

_That was the beginning. _

_I returned in the long silence, and found the supplication, the pilgrims who had come to seek my holy power, my holy shelter...but I am not holy. _

_I am only miko, guardian of the shikon no tama, guardian of the shrine. That is what I told them, and their disappointment did not come like I expected it to._

_Yes, they said. That is why we are here. You are the one who destroyed Naraku, the one who purified the great evil. Can you not save us? So I healed them during the day, and when there was darkness, I went out into the night. _

_It took ten years for me to know the truth of what had happened, the truth of my condition. The villagers would stop and stare when I passed by. It is not natural, they said. It cannot be…but it is. The shikon no tama keeps my flesh whole, my face unlined, my hands smooth, but I wonder how long this will go on, and if I will ever rest. _

_I live for my dreams, and my secret memories, and I dread the days before the first snow, when the sky reminds me of the scent of blood and the feel of cold earth under my feet wakes a trembling that I cannot cease._

_It is like the poet says:_

_Round my waist I wear a double sash  
I dream that it binds us both with a same-heart knot.  
Did you not know that people hide their love,  
Like the flower that seems too precious to be picked? _

* * *

In a hard village far north of the place she had once called home, a miko stood at the edge of the furthest rice paddy, and let the evening wind ripple around her. It blew from the north, and carried the memory of snow. Where she stood, it was still too early in the season for winter whiteness. The sunset was coming on now, but the sky was thick with clouds and no more than a glint of red light showed through.

The undersides of the clouds glittered with pinks and dry orange, but the thoughts of the miko moved outward, passing under those clouds and running down the other side of the tall mountains in the south that stopped her vision.

_It is always this way. Just before the snow falls, I feel it strongest._

Her heart beat in her body like a low and steady drum. There were many memories that made it difficult to endure this season before the snow. Things that promised to leap from her own heart and strangle her with guilt, and grief, and regret. She had wasted many days, standing here, contemplating sorrow. Behind her, the villagers who waited in their homes, by their fires, did not disturb her unless they required her services.

They were grateful that a miko had even come near their village. These people lived nowhere, and no one cared for them. Since she came among them, only the most aged had died.

_It is getting to be time to leave here. It has been twelve years. How much longer will it take for them to notice that I have not changed?_

She turned away from the wrinkled sky, and walked slowly down a dirt path that had been worn by many feet. She would be sad to leave this village. It would be more difficult than leaving the others, where she had only stayed half as long.

_In the Spring. I must leave here in the Spring. _

There were less hard memories when the world was green. Now, everything was dull. Now, even the leaves were poised on the edge of brittleness and had faded to skeletons, an outline of themselves. Spring reminded her of the long path through the countryside, and the glow of the high, cool stars over midnight's sleepless fire.

She shook her head. It was early, but she was tired. A faint, pale moon was rising into blue night, now that the sun-glow was faded. She had just lay down and closed her eyes, and was waiting for the bright curtain of dreams to fall, when a shout in the village and the cry of "Miko-sama, miko-sama!" banished the thought of sleep.

In an instant, she was up, tying on her clothes. Her fingers fumbled in her haste, but it still took only a moment. She flew to her bow and quiver, and down the path towards the village, but the village men were running toward her and not away.

"Miko-sama!"

Their arms waving wildly, their words incoherent, the men were pointing behind her. She turned, swift and ready; the arrow on her string stared at the path to a heart and then froze, held motionless by an impossible pair of eyes. They sucked the life out of her, those eyes; that golden glow, how terrible it was! It was too much like the glow that had left her behind forever, the glow that haunted her dreams; what was it doing in the waking world?

"So, it is you. The air did not lie."

She could not move, or breathe, or speak. Speak! As if words, or the thought of words, could even contemplate entering her head.

She had been thinking of the past that was dead, the past that could not be revived. She tasted of that bitterness every morning, and every night. Now it was alive!

* * *

A/N: And the extremely minor revisions continue!


	3. Chapter 3

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part II**

**Inconceivable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

Sesshomaru stared at the miko, and his brain moved thickly. Her scent brought back the old memories, the days when there had been laughter in his world, the days when this scent had been as familiar as the one he hated and the one that calmed.

_And did I not hate this one, too, for the pleasure it gave? When did I make any distinction between them?_

And then:

_He is dead._

"Your name – your name is Kagome."

Her mouth opened, wide and pale, but only breath escaped her.

_I am not the only one who remembers. _

Abruptly, her voice returned, but what it said sounded faint to his ears, unreal.

"Yes, that is my name, but here I am miko-sama. Would you like tea, Sesshomaru?"

She added no honorific. She never had; he heard what she left unsaid, and knew that she, too, was remembering.

As he nodded, feeling dazed, she led him back down the short length of path to her own home. He was trying desperately to think if there was something he had gotten wrong, something he should be able to add to his memory. Wasn't she...human? He ducked his head, and passed through the low door. His eyes swept around her dwelling, taking everything in at once; shelves on one wall, a hearth, a bow; there was a table for kitchen work at one end of the long main room, near the fire. A curtain, moving in the draft from the door behind him, revealed a low pallet, an unrolled futon. It was a human place, very human; he did not understand. His confusion came out in words.

"You should not be alive."

Sesshomaru's voice was dull; he meant the words almost as a question but she turned towards him swiftly and he could see that anger filled her. It lifted the veil of grief from her features, and he saw that truly, she had not changed at all.

"No! Those are my thoughts! You cannot have them!"

Silence filled him, and spread out into the room.

_No. She has changed in a terrible way. Like I have. _

The striking line of their similarity blinded him for a moment, but he could tell her nothing of it. It would not be right – here, in her presence, he felt himself restored by her expectation, her memory of him. Moments passed while she boiled water for tea, and set out cups. She moved quietly, quickly, as if she would fall into tiny pieces if she stopped for even a moment to look at him, or to think. The angry flush faded quickly out of her features; she was breathing very deeply, now.

"What is it you do here, miko-sama?"

"What do you think I do, Sesshomaru?"

Her voice stung, and Sesshomaru shook his head, wordless. She reached for the reins of her temper, and hauled it in. How long had been since she had been angry – since real feelings had come for her? She sighed.

"I am sorry. My temper can still get away from me, I suppose."

Half a smile lifted half of her mouth, and then faded.

"You may be the only one left who could still bring it out of me."

Silent, Sesshomaru sipped at the cup of tea she passed to him, and she observed the smooth grace of his movements, the dark angles of his face. He, too, had not changed. She remembered the girl that had traveled with him, by now probably long dead, and a faint smile, like an echo of the expression Sesshomaru remembered, touched her lips.

"What happened to your girl, Sesshomaru? Rin?"

The unexpected question broke his carefully cultivated control. The cup of tea he had been holding shattered into many pieces; Kagome held up her hands with a cry. She did not move again; the memory of him, the strangeness of this interlude, was broken by the reminder of violence. She sat completely still, waiting. Sesshomaru did not even seem to be breathing.

It took her a long, bare-breathed moment to look at him, and really see. His hair covered his eyes, his mouth was a tight, fanged line – but it was his hands, his hands that shook and clenched that deepened Kagome's breath and widened her eyes. His hands were dripping thick, red blood onto her floor.

He did not say anything. While she watched he stood and passed out of the door. A second passed, and then another. Then, suddenly, she stood and ran out into the wind, suddenly blistering with cold.

"Sesshomaru! Sesshomaru!"

He could hear her, but he did not return to the summons of his name. He could taste salt, the scent of sorrow; there was no reason for the sudden bite of her sadness, the flavor softer and more bitter than her usual scent. Out of her sight, he turned and looked back; she was on her knees, weeping - the sight touched him, but he did not know why. It had taken him a year of wandering to dare himself even that far south; east and west he had traveled, and even to snow country, but not south. Never south. And then what should he find, but the whisper of a scent that could not be, a memory of the one left in solitude even more than he.

_Kagome. _

The expression on her face when he said her name had made him wonder, but he could not help it. If he recognized her, if he knew who she was, he must tell her. Otherwise, to sit beside her and drink her tea could not be allowed. It had been rude, inexcusably rude, to leap up and leave her, but he had seen the smile fade from her face, the awareness that had touched her.

_She knows I care. That miko…_

'That is my name, but here I am miko-sama.' That was what she had said. And he, without an argument, had agreed. Without a word, he had agreed, and it had not left his mouth bitter, to give her the honor that she would not give to him. He remembered the one battle he had not won, and a bolt of cold struck through him like an icy spear.

She deserved the respect; he did not. She, a human woman, had defeated the enemy that had broken him. Naraku...the monster, the fiend, had broken him, and Inuyasha, and all his brother's companions – all but the girl, who was no longer a girl.

"Her face…"

The words faded into the cold silence. Her face had not changed at all, had not aged. There were no wrinkles in the smoothness of her skin and the energy that lifted off of her in a bright aura of power was not diminished. She had grown, and he had not.

_She is not happy. She feels guilt. Why would that be, when it was she who achieved vengeance?_

He turned back, and faced the coast that he was separated from by frosty waves. The sea was wide and dark behind him – he had not realized he had come so far. He looked at his hands, thinking. If he did not leave now, by the time he came home, it would be coming upon Spring, and the green buds would be out, and the blossoms would be springing from the grass. But...in the Spring, he could go back...

_She said the name…she remembers. If I go back, she may say it again. But why would she ask such a question? Doesn't she remember? She was there!_

* * *

A/N: And the revisions continue! Haven't found any major boo-boo's yet...crossing my fingers here... :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part II **

**Inconceivable: Kagome**

* * *

Since winter had come to a frosty, wet end, and the last snow had long since fallen, Kagome turned her thoughts to a plan for the journey that lay ahead. She had made plenty of arrows over the winter, and her bow was her own. When she revealed her intentions to the villagers they wept and sobbed, but a few of the elders looked at her with suspicious thoughts in the corners of their faces. She knew then that she had been right; it was time to go.

Part of her had been waiting to see if Sesshomaru would return, but when the snow fell, and continued falling, and no white shape had filtered through it, she had tucked her waiting away. If he wanted to find her, he could find her. He had done so once already.

The villagers would give her rice and dried meat, enough to last for a while, and after so long she was an adequate hunter. She knew which plants were poison, and which were food, and how to prepare medicines from the bare roots and the polished leaves. Eventually, there would be another village, and if she wished, she would stay there, and if they knew her story, she would travel on.

Her eyes flickered to the north. Wide spaces of silence opened there, and led to snow country. The far north was rumored to be home to strange demons, beings of ice and fire that flickered like lightning and burned like a cold sun. Was that the direction she should choose? Something was pulling her aside from that lonely path; something tugging her east, or west.

The sky in snow country would always be grey. She did not like the silver light of grey skies. Kagome turned toward the west, and faced the direction of the setting sun. If she went far enough, she would come to the sea, and beyond, China.

_If I went to that land, what would I find? I have lost track of the year, and my old history lessons…_

The ghost of a smile eased the constriction of her face. She turned away from the window that had come to capture her thoughts and returned to packing the few belongings that had followed her, despite everything. It was spring now, and the trees were opening, and flowers had leapt out of the grass like flames in many colors. The planters bent in the rice fields, and the water was flush with melt from the mountains.

_Traveling time_.

* * *

The village Kagome found as the Spring reached its height was nothing like the one she had left behind. The children here were bright and cheerful, their parent's faces open. A few of the women had come to her, seeking to offer companionship, but all their faces looked like Sango to her, like the promise that had faded in the brown grass.

There was something else pushing her on, despite how quickly spring was coming to an end. Friendliness was not what she desired; only that she do her work in peace, penance now for the lives she could not save then.

_I am hollow, a creature only of regrets. They look at me, and speak to me, and smile at me with thanks, but none of this makes me like them. _

She wanted her dreams to come to life, and reverse time. She wanted to remember a different way, so that everything could be cloaked in green, or white, or blue…anything but red.

_Even I, outside of time, can change nothing...nothing. I do not deserve to go home…and what would I find now, after a hundred years?_

There remained the fact that the well was south, near the place she could never return to. The village would still be there, probably grown by now. The people would still talk, and they would still remember, and perhaps even now the shrine that once had held her as a child was built. Before she had ever left, there was talk of it, and hearing her own future about to become reality, she had shied away.

Her mind turned away from the long path down into darkness, though well accustomed to it. This forest, this night, was fresh and clean. The day had held the first promise of summer's warmth, a clear, bright sun without clouds. Despite everything, it was good to be standing on the warm side of winter.

_While it is easy, I should leave._

But she turned and went inside, and lay on her futon. She tossed and turned; like many other nights, she could not sleep. Her thoughts were surprisingly clear; insomnia did not distress her. When she did not sleep, she did not dream.

In the morning, Kagome stared out the open door of her small hut, and watched the running children roll over each other and lay flat on their backs while the dust cleared. The early summer sun was bright and clear, and the wind was strong today. Flecks of thatch were blown out of her roof and fell down through the cracks, glinting golden as long as they were suspended in the light. She found herself wishing it would rain, so that darkness would cloud the sky, blot out the sun.

_Maybe then I could sleep._

How many weeks had it been since she had been left alone in the darkness? Resentfully, she thought of Sesshomaru, the feelings, the memories he had awakened. She had thought the nightmare days were long behind her.

_If I could sleep during the day, would I still dream? Or would the sun blind those memories, scatter them like sand in the wind?_

The dream was always the same. She had seen it all before, hadn't she? Yet, at the end, just before she woke, there was a voice that was not the same. "Look at me!" it cried. It was almost a howl, a wail…but so quiet. She wondered at it, trying to place it. In her thoughts, she was shaken; there had been no one there to make that cry, no one left alive. The summer nights took their time coming, but when they came a sheet of navy darkness clotted the sky. The wind of the day became a breeze that raised the hairs on sweaty skin. Kagome turned on her futon, seeking the touch of that cooling breeze on her face. Shards of moonlight snuck through the thatch and printed themselves on her cheeks. She dreamed. An hour passed, two.

Abruptly, panting, damp-eyed, terrified, Kagome awoke in the darkness and crushed her pillow against her chest. From outside, there came a sudden burst of laughter, an inebriated wail of song that made her wince.

_I cannot stay here. I cannot stay!_

Quickly, hurriedly, she packed the few belongings she possessed, filled a bag with rice and wrapped some of the dried meat that had been brought to her as payment. She did not ask for anything; the work she did was penance - but some of the villagers would not take no for an answer. Little bundles and packages, coarsely wrapped, had been showing up outside her door since she came here - and she did need to eat.

A skin of water, a change of clothes, a flint and a knife went into her little bag, and then she picked up her bow and slung her quiver over her back, and stole out quietly into the night. At the edge of the forest she turned back and looked back at the clustered houses, faintly lit by a flicker of hearth-fires and torches.

"It was good…to see such happiness, for a while. Good-bye, village."

She turned away for the last time, but darkness stopped her. It was not the shadows of nightfall.

"You did not make it easy to find you, Kagome."

* * *

A/N: Hopefully this isn't too bad....Part III extremely shortly! (minor revisions still continuing!)


	5. Chapter 5

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part III**

**Inexorable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

When Sesshomaru came back to the village and encountered emptiness where Kagome's scent should have been, his own breath, the hope that had drawn him onward, drowned him. Why had he hoped to find her here, why had he even returned? She was not his kind, she was not his companion – she was the one who had saved the brother he hated.

_He is dead_.

There was nothing to explain it, nothing to salve it, but a pain had begun to open in him and she was its cause.

_I should not have left._

And if he had stayed? Would he have told her the tale of his grief, the way the silence reached out from the long, dark nights and gripped his heart with icy fingers and claws of fire? She would never understand, no matter how she had changed. She was human.

He turned to the houses that stood just beyond his place on the path, and the villagers were running at him, some with weapons and some with only fear. He was remembering the glow of Kagome's voice, the words that had passed between them. "You should not be alive" he had said, and she had not denied it.

From another time he remembered her scream, the high, horrible scream that had pelted at his ears like steel hail. He had been looking down, down at that most horrible sight, but he had lifted his eyes at that scream, only to see Inuyasha fall, and fall, and not get up. The blood...everywhere...

_Why did she leave? Why? She is the only one left who might know._

A rush of blind terror at the loss of her filled him, and the villagers who had run up behind him shied away, not daring to approach any closer than they had already come. He turned on them, red-eyed, wild. Only in a few was there recognition, was there memory - of the demon who had come to speak with their miko-sama. Careful, slow, he ground out words on the points of his pain.

"Kagome. Where has she gone?"

Fear penetrated the scents that accosted him from these people, so salted, so full of earth. The recognition had left all of their eyes now; only the fear remained bright.

_They did not know her name. Why would she keep that from them?_

"The miko who lived here. Just here."

He pointed, and her house still stood, empty, deserted.

"She…she…she is gone! When the spring came, she said it was time, and she left us!"

There were nodding heads all around him, and he could not tell who had spoken, but the panic was not abated, and the memory suddenly came to him of the last look she had thrown, the moment after the name that destroyed him.

_She already knows. Why can't I tell her? Why is she gone?_

"Do you mean to tell me none of you, none of you knew who she was, or where she has gone?"

There was a mute shaking of heads, a silence more complete than anything in his memory. It moved into him, and filled him, and replaced the panic with an ache.

"And for your blindness, did she love you?"

He turned away, and the villagers looked among each other with wide eyes and whispers. This was a new legend, but they did not know its beginning. Why would such a powerful demon seek a miko? For what would such a demon grieve?

* * *

When he found her again, it was in a very different place, all brightness and light where the other village had been cold, and dark - full of laughter, this place, not silence, not fear. He watched her in the twilight glow, one evening when the spring was close to its end - but when it was night he watched her sneak away from the contentment of that place, and out into the forest. Was she was leaving again? That was not fair. He stopped her, and watched her face as it reflected surprise under the pale moonlight.

How easy it was, to let her name pass his lips again! It was a sweet sound, like the other that he had known. His mouth opened, then closed. He did not know what he had almost said, but he knew it was not time.

_Not yet._

After so much silence, after trying so hard to forget – surely it could not be so difficult to wait, just a little longer?

"You did not make it easy to find you, Kagome."

He said the words and then waited, watching her for a reaction. When it came it was not what he had expected...if, indeed, he had been expecting anything.

"So, you did come."

He knew as she said it that she had been waiting, waiting for him to come back. He remembered the sound that had come to him on the thin wind that carried in winter. It had been his own name, carried like the wail of that bloody day.

_That was why…I could not go back. _

"You...expected me?"

She shook her head, and he could see the laughter on her lips – held back, why? He did not remember her as one who held back.

"Not now, I did not expect you. In the long months of winter, I thought you might come back. I watched out the window sometimes, sure that as the snow thickened, I would see you come striding through it."

The laugh did come now, but not as he remembered it. The sound fell softer than silk. He stepped back from her, to see what expression would cover her face with that sound, but instead only opened himself up for her examination. The next words out of her mouth bludgeoned him backwards like a club.

"Sesshomaru…you are wearing black, now."

Her thoughts were skipping backwards. Even when she thought of him coming in the winter months, was it not always as she had seen him _then_? Dressed in white, wrapped in fur and an obi the color of yellow flowers....the visit, though. The day he had come, what had he been wearing? She could not at first remember. He was…Sesshomaru. That did not allow for this figure that her memory recreated, this saddened, shrouded figure, still regal…but he was broken.

She looked up into his eyes, and she could see that, now. The air went still. He had been taking steps backward away from her, but now he had stopped, watching her, recognizing the awareness in her face for what it was. She knew, instantly, instinctively, what question it was that she had to ask. There had been blood on her floor; it told her what to say.

"What happened to your girl, Sesshomaru? To Rin?"

His eyes widened, and reddened, and then dulled. The strength seemed to leave his body.

"You know."

He was looking at her now, focusing on her, and the dullness was gone, the gold glow of his eyes like a piercing needle.

"You know!"

Kagome turned her eyes away from that gaze, and then back.

"She…died."

A howl broke out of him.

"Yes!"

She understood, now, what was breaking him, but not why. The girl had only been a girl, had only been human. He must have known...what would happen.

_Unless_ -

"How did Rin die, Sesshomaru?"

His eyes blazed red again and pressed down on her like weights. Where there had once been such precise fury in him, there was now uncontrollable grief…yet he controlled it, had endured it without words.

"You know…Kagome."

He turned his back to her, and walked away into the tree shadows that had opened to reveal him.

"Sesshomaru?"

He did not turn, but she knew he could hear her.

"Do not make me wait another season, Sesshomaru."

* * *

A/N: And the revisions continue! A little bit more revising in this chapter, actually, but still nothing major. New readers and old, Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part III**

**Inexorable: Kagome**

* * *

In the nights after that strange second meeting with Sesshomaru, terrible things happened in Kagome's awakened and overturned memory. While she slept, her fingers twitched, as if grasping an invisible bow and arrow. Her breathing was harsh, erratic, not what would be expected from someone in deep dreams, but this was a nightmare - _the _nightmare. In many dreams, she had relived it. It was why she went out so often into the night; why her dawns and evenings were fuzzy with pale fear. The nightmare showed her a scene that had replayed itself for her behind her eyelids many times - one hundred years of dreams, turned into panic.

In the nightmare, her eyes roved a terrible scene, the worst possible.

_This is a dream. But…how do I know that it is a dream?_

Her hands moved, and without any intention she saw an arrow rise in her fingers and lay across the string. Swiftly, with long-practiced strength, she drew back the string, and the arrow exploded from her fingertips like a burning spear and not an arrow.

_Naraku!_

Even in the dream, his presence, his stench, the feeling of such evil, filled her with nauseating rage. She wanted to run forward and tear him to pieces with her bare hands - but she could not rewrite the nightmare, could not avoid the truth as it replayed in front of her eyes.

Her arrow sheared off from the edge of his barrier, cracking it. Another arrow was in her fingers before she had time to think, and it, too, crackled and howled and cracked the barrier. Like a pane of glass giving steadily under the pressure of some great hammer, a spider's web of thin lines showed across the glowing sphere that protected their enemy. She saw the light of anger in Naraku's face, and a tusk of energy blew forward, shattering the rock at her feet, sending Shippou through the air. She heard the kit's yelp of pain but could no longer see him through the haze of rock dust and her own disorientation.

_It is happening, it is happening again!_

Kagome could not turn away, could not change the horror, could not close her eyes. Her breathing was rapid and jumpy; tears flowed down her face from beneath closed eyelids but she did not wake; the nightmare had full possession of her senses.

There was a yowl above her, a battle-cry from Sango and Kirara combined into one sound. Hiraikotsu flew towards the brilliant shield, and then sprang back. Kagome turned away from the sight of them, and felt her fingers stringing another arrow, firing, watching this time as the light spread out in a glowing wave, shooting past Miroku, incinerating a dozen youkai. The serious expression on Miroku's face hardened, and he uncovered the Kazaana. Out of Miroku's sight, Naraku smiled and opened his hand – the hive of the Saimyoshou bounced to the ground, full of an eerie drone, and then burst open.

_Miroku!_

Kagome's voice had no sound to warn him. She knew what was happening but she could not say it; she had not done so then, could not do so now.

It was Sango's cry that turned him around to face the danger, and with a curse he closed his hand. The wind died. For a moment, everything flickered into a red and glowing silence. The red was Tetsusaiga, lit with the bright, barrier-breaking power. Inuyasha leapt over her right shoulder, sword high and gleaming, his face hard, harder than she had ever seen. He struck the barrier head on. A thousand bolts of lightning, stark with whiteness, blew upwards from where the sword intersected Naraku's power. Behind them, trees shook, screamed, and toppled.

There came a dull thud which seemed like it should be much louder as the barrier finally collapsed. Devoid of his first and most powerful protection, Naraku loomed suddenly in front of her as the smoke cleared, half-hidden by Inuyasha and his sword. No one spoke, but she could hear Inuyasha's thoughts as clearly as if he had shouted - 'It's over now'.

Tetsusaiga swung whistling through the air, releasing the glaring blast of the Kaze no Kizu. Her own arrow fitted itself to the flight of that golden energy, turning it violet, turning it violent. She stood still, staring, fighting herself for the power to move that would never come.

_This is a dream_.

Naraku was no longer in the path of their destruction; he was seeking her life, a darting blade of deformed flesh that moved at her faster than the wind. She could not see it, but she knew. Then, Sango. Diving, rolling forward over Kirara's neck, seeking to block with Hiraikotsu. The noise of the puncture was like a burst of cloudless thunder. Hiraikotsu cracked along the edges of the hole, and split in two. The bolt of Naraku's flesh continued on, spearing her, lifting her, shaking her.

"Sango! No, Sango, no!"

_Miroku…I am still sorry, Miroku. _

Sango fell, and did not move. Blood poured from that single wound, filling the emptiness where her heart had been. Already, her eyes were dim. She had only made one sound, one tiny gasp of surprise.

"Kagome, move!"

Inuyasha's howl, so full of anguish, moved her. Her feet were taking her out of the way, the only motions allowed to her the ones she had already made. She gritted her teeth, and reached to string another arrow.

_But where is he?_

She had not known – perhaps she never would know – how he came towards her for the blow that she thought would end her. This time, it was the force of wind that pulled Naraku away, and she saw her enemy looking back over his shoulder, seeing the fierce determination on Miroku's face. He had not expected to be threatened by his own curse.

The Saimyoshou were not droning any more, they were howling, and she knew it was Naraku's will that poured them in a flood towards that mighty wind.

"Miroku! Miroku!"

It was her voice, snatched out of her mouth and disassembled into a scream. It was too late, much too late; the insects surrounded him, a tornado pouring down into the void. His hand and arm were already purple, swiftly turning black, but he still stood, his face set in a ghastly smile, the wind pulling, pulling. She could see his intention - to die, die, and take Naraku with him. She could hear his breath from across the field, a shuddering 'uuooh…uuooh', as his throat swelled and cut off his air. The poison worked swiftly, far too swiftly; then there was silence.

Kagome released her arrow, feeling grief rise in her, choke her, wrap a million tiny fingers of guilt into her soul.

_It was for me…because of me..._

The blast of light was more blue than violet, a purer power. A screech of many demons came from Naraku's mouth, and she saw when the light passed that she had opened a hole into his true self. A chunk of his flesh and his right arm were gone, and in the hollows they had left behind squirmed demons, serpents and oni wrapped over each other and crushed into darkness.

Instead of blood, the wounds spewed miasma, black and viscous, thicker than poison. The ground was burnt by it; the air grew hazy and dark with evil energies and the promise of rot. Squinting against the feeling of acid in her eyes, Kagome shot another arrow. The clean light gathered the darkness behind it and pulled, until there was none left. Though wounded, Naraku held out his other hand, and laughed.

_Why must I dream this dream? _

* * *

A/N: Second half of part III, revised and ready! Part IV, coming up! (please review!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part IV**

**Unalterable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

Sesshomaru returned to the house he kept and stood outside for a long while, his eyes closed, feeling the breeze that was washing the land. There was rain in it, distantly; it was wind from the south, warmer than usual. Despite the air, his thoughts were not soothed.

_This house is silent and dark._

He did not remember that it had been this way in the old days, and it did not make sense. The lamps were lit; a pleasant tingling of lute and koto blended in his ears, coming down the long hallways and tumbling out the door. He could identify the players by their particular touch - it pleased him that his instructions had been followed, but he could not understand his feeling of emptiness, this feeling like the air was too thick.

_It is because _she _is not here._

In this place, it was always worst. He had built it for her, near the place where he had kept his den. She had wandered its halls in wonder, shyly astonished at so many beautiful things, terribly pleased that occasionally, he would stay there with her. But she had insisted, in her quiet way, on accompanying him whenever he left and she was aware of it - insisting by her presence, by standing behind him, waiting for him to start.

That was why he had left. The empty hallways; the empty echoes. Too much remembered laughter was no longer present; when he left this place now, he did it alone.

Scent and power announced him to the players within; he listened, carefully, and it was the sound of the koto that faltered first, and then faded. He heard footsteps, soft but quick, and the opening of several _shoji_, and then the main door.

"Sesshomaru-sama. Welcome…home."

He lifted his eyes.

"I see you still prefer the old instruments, Kitsune."

"The koto is more comfortable in my hands, lord. Tell me, where have you traveled?"

Sesshomaru turned and looked back across the path he had traveled, wandering, for nearly half a season. It led back to...

"South. I traveled south."

There was a dark, brooding cloud gathering over the kitsune's face, and Sesshomaru wondered at it. Even now that those glaring green eyes were level with his own, there was not often such a dangerous expression in them. He lifted his sleeve to his nose, and sniffed gently.

_Yes…that is what disturbs him. Her scent lingers._

Distance crossed his eyes; the gaze that was watching him narrowed, became tight, thirsty.

"Did you...find something, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"A memory. I found…a memory."

Sesshomaru's face closed in on itself. He did not want to answer questions, did not want to share her, the miko that he had found - though most certainly she belonged more to the kitsune than to himself. Yet, if he opened the path between them, he would no longer be able to tread it himself. It would be a path to old days, and he had not walked it then. He realized then exactly what he was going to do, what he had intended all along, really, and had been avoiding.

"I...will go back now."

"Perhaps I should go with you this time, Sesshomaru-sama."

A tingle of unease, of discontent, crawled around on Sesshomaru's skin, trying to find a home. He held out a hand to stop any _following_, and felt his claws prick skin through thin silk.

"No. You will stay here. Go back to your playing; I will return soon enough."

He waited, until he heard the sounds of the koto resume alongside the lute; there was a sharp, muffled conversation whose words he could not make out clearly drifting beneath the music. He spoke to the still-silent house and the one who could not hear him, now.

"Not yet, Shippou. You cannot go to her - not yet."

* * *

As he traveled south, returning by a much straighter rode to the place where he last seen her, Sesshomaru found himself fearing what he would find - fearing that, once again, she would have disappeared. He need not have worried; Kagome's scent, as he found that same village, undisturbed, was fresh and clear.

_I thought she meant to leave this place, but she has stayed. Is it because she wishes for me to return?_

He found himself wondering if perhaps he should have brought the kitsune after all. Shippou might be able to reach in and soothe her, restore part of her to what she had been – and this was important. The single moment of a smile he had gleaned from her, that laughter like silk – that was important, too. He felt guilty, as though somehow he had stolen a life - more than a life - from this miko, even though she still lived. If he had fought the way he was meant to fight, if he had not been destroyed - would his brother still live?

_Unless I chose to kill him._

The moment of regret was overcome by a red memory.

_I cannot wipe it away…I cannot wash it clean._

The miko had noticed that he wore black. This thought made him scowl into the wind, and his feet passed a little faster over the ground.

_It could be too soon._

There was nothing for him to say to her, until she remembered…if she could remember. But it seemed impossible that the one memory he could not let go of, the memory that had filled his life to the brim with red, had not make impression on her. The trees shook in a cold wind, but only the heights felt it. The air near the ground was dim and still; his breath moved more than the breeze.

This was the forest, yes, the village where he had found her, the last time. The hour was not yet come when she would wake and come out, seeking solitude. He knew that she would do so; it was what he did, when he was alone and yet not alone. The terrible similarity between them, the thing he could not say aloud, gave him the knowledge - but the moon did not yet touch the highest curve of the sky. He would wait.

In his thoughts, he replayed his last meeting with her. The wind that night had been soft and cool with the breath of Spring leaves, and the moon had only been a sliver of its present self…though it still was waning, now. Her scent – it lingered in his sleeves, like an aura to remind him. It was not bad. Sometimes he was haunted by the scent of death, the scent of blood. This was pleasant.

He could recall each word that had passed between them, the angles of surprise on her face when he stepped out of the shadows. 'Do not make me wait another season' she had said, but looking around he saw that he had. Summer was preening itself among the branches and the leaves, and the green buds of spring were long past opened.

_Soon it will be autumn again. And then…winter. _

He shuddered. He did not like thinking of winter. Part of him was taunted by the thought of returning to snow country, to the long white expanse of freezing cold. Eventually, the biting wind would cleave to his skin and change him, and with the change his pain would leave him. An unworthy thought. He leaned into the listening silence of the night, and then back. The memories filled him with darkness, but there had been a time when there was light.

_When I am near the miko, I am returned to myself. _

He was filled with an impossible urge to laugh. At the end of it all, to be restored by his brother's miko. Would her cure work on a demon?

_What is her cure? I…want it._

* * *

A/N: Much thanks to Lady Dia for my first Ukime review! Reviews = food for evil genius! More of Part IV, coming soon! Revisions...complete!


	8. Chapter 8

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part IV**

**Unalterable: Kagome**

* * *

The nightmare was livid, unavoidable. It was gathering itself for the worst blow, and Kagome focused all the energies of her dreaming self on escaping, on waking - but, as though she were chained to the seat of a chair in some grotesque opera, she had no choice but to stay, to watch. This was a dream – but it was also a memory. Already, she could hear last words, echoing in her head, but the time for them had not yet come.

Naraku was still dodging around Inuyasha's attempts at Kaze no Kizu, but she saw the distraction of his flight, saw the gathering of power without having to turn her eyes.

"Inuyasha!"

_And now…_

Arrow after arrow, she was suddenly firing to no avail. Naraku and Inuyasha were lost in a dark mist. Was it more miasma? It was not as thick, but it felt like her lungs were on fire. Or was that because she was crying? She was, she knew it, her sobs ragged like the torn edges of a wound. It was not fair! – she must turn her face away, so as not to wet her string – why should she lose them? – another arrow, and then another arrow.

The mist cleared, and she saw Inuyasha, staggering. It was obvious he was bleeding, but she did not know how badly. He came back to her side, his eyes half-red and half-gold, and then she saw. A bloody gouge had been dug into the flesh of his whole body, like a great, scorching tongue had wrapped around him, covered in thorns. Only his hands were firm, holding tightly to Tetsusaiga's hilt. His eyes were bright with blood; his very soul seemed to be panting.

"Naraku…"

It was a hiss of hatred; it was a summons unto death.

Naraku stepped forward, and she swallowed thickly. Whatever Inuyasha had done, its effect had been terrifying. Naraku no longer looked like a man. Half of his innards were exposed, even the flesh of his face gone now. The dark coiling of demons looked ready to burst free, but a glowing eye, round, yellow, peered from the mass that had once been a face, and leered at them, denying all pain, denying the possibility of defeat.

"Come, come to your death, Inuyasha…"

Inuyasha leapt. Tetsusaiga howled before him, the brightest and most shining wind -and recoiled from the invisible barrier, partial, flickering now, but enough. Naraku screamed his glee, yowled it, clawed the air with it. Inuyasha fell, and fell, and did not rise from the broken ground. She heard a scream, a thin, wailing noise, and clasped her hands at her throat.

_It is me, it is me making that noise…Inuyasha!_

From nowhere, a blank flight of gold streamed outwards, shooting past her, seeking Naraku. It was followed by blue, a dragon of power and lightning that flashed through her enemy with boiling heat. Where had it come from? Was it Inuyasha's dying gasp, translated to violence? Was it the will of Heaven?

She did not know.

The howl of victory that lingered in Naraku's features was extinguished, and a fountain of black miasma and youkai leapt up and outwards from a deep, scorching wound. Trembling, her eyes streaming, she shot an arrow - only one left, now. The youkai were obliterated in a sweep of violet light. Poison rained out of the sky like water.

There was a howl, deeper, fuller than her own scream. She had heard it before in this dream, and now, against the lead-footed weight of her memory, against the pressure of her own past, Kagome focused on movements in the corner of her eye, searching for the origin of that howl, shifting her attention, if not her eyes, from the agony in front of her. What she saw sent cold flowing through her veins like ice.

_It was Sesshomaru!_

Behind them, how long had he been watching? Had he just come, and seen the moment of his brother's death as the proper time for his own entrance? Had he watched them all die? The source of that power, the golden-blue violence, was now explained. Through that single, peripheral tug of vision, she watched him, and her eyes absorbed new horror.

Her friends were not the only ones that suffered.

The rain of poison had not reached her own feet, but great burning bolts of it had thrummed into Sesshomaru, who shook them off like sparks. In his arms, though sheltered by him, his girl had not been protected. Blood spilled from Rin's mouth, flowed out of her opened chest like a red blossom. The orange and white checks of her kimono were washed out in the crimson flood. Blank-eyed, frozen, Sesshomaru watched the black emptiness fill the girl's eyes, and Kagome watched him, unmoving and silent.

Paralyzed, Kagome felt the approach of those final, brittle moments, and her focus was torn from the bloody girl. Her hands moved without thought, pulling the last arrow from her quiver. Where was her bow? Her eyes focused on the ground, saw her bow, the wood broken, the string hanging loose, and she remembered the strain that had come over her, how hard it was to keep her attention away from all the bloody bundles on the ground.

She held the arrow tightly, watching Naraku smile and approach her.

_You came closer, Naraku._

She remembered now – she was nearing the moment when she had been complete for the last time – the moment when spirits had risen to touch her.

Naraku came, and she spread her arms wide as if to embrace him. A smile ached on her face. She felt the power coming from behind her, a great, swelling presence of love, and grief, and emptiness, and recognized, suddenly and for the first time, the truth.

_Sesshomaru!_

How long had it taken to remember, to notice that he was there? Hadn't she gone over this battle in her head, in her dreams, a thousand times? She had thought it was the lingering power of those who had died for her, that Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, even little Shippou had filled the darkness inside of her and come out in her blazing arrow.

_It was…Sesshomaru._

She could feel it flowing from him, this power, even in the dreams. It carried a black and golden aura of flames; it fed her with his piercing grief, sharpening the point of her arrow, strengthening her will. Suddenly, reasonlessly, her smile ceased to ache.

_But this is a dream!_

Her hands moved along the remembered path. The arrow in her fist channeled all of her remarkable power, all of Sesshomaru's fury, all the sorrow that lapped through the air like a rising tide. The arrow sheared through what had been restored to Naraku's barrier, and she felt it pierce the amalgam of his flesh, a thousand demons suddenly freed, and then purified.

The aftermath was a wind that washed her thoughts clean, and immersed her in black darkness.

Suddenly awake, without transition, Kagome shot up in bed, and her hands flew up to cover her eyes. Sobs ran through her like electricity on a wire. She had asked him…she had asked him!

"So…horrible."

But she still could not imagine why he looked so guilty, so broken after a hundred years. The girl had not died to save him, had not spent her life for something worthless. After all…hadn't she been only a human girl? A smile touched her at the thought of remembered cruelty, the harshness to his words that was now lost. It twisted her face.

There had been no bodies when she woke, only sparse graves – and Tetsusaiga, a lone marker, saying here, here lies Inuyasha…

_It must have been Sesshomaru who buried them._

Those first ten years, in the village, she had visited those graves every day, wondering how, who - why. Now, she knew.

"I wonder…where he buried the girl?"

Her voice startled her in the darkness. She stood, and dressed, and was almost outside before she paused to let a shiver run down her back.

"Sesshomaru."

It was a whisper. She had to find him, now that she knew. How could he have wandered this way for so long, without letting go? Could she make him?

* * *

A/N: Revisions, finished! Woo! (4/26/10)


	9. Chapter 9

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part V**

**Tangible: Sesshomaru**

* * *

"You want her, don't you? And you don't want to share."

The voice came out of the dark trees like an echo of Sesshomaru's own thoughts, and he was glad he had not laughed. Shippou stepped forward out of the shadows, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You are so much like Inuyasha. The two of you, always so much alike!"

Sesshomaru growled, a harsh, penetrating sound. It was too much! Even for the sake of that promise, he could not continue to allow such insolence!

_But…that promise._

Claws that had tensed tighter and more deadly than steel relaxed, and he allowed his head to fall forward, hiding his expression.

"You should not be so insolent, Kitsune. This is not your concern."

They were the wrong words, and he knew it as soon as they were out of his mouth.

"You will not stop me, Sesshomaru-sama. She was…like my mother."

Sesshomaru shook his head, but did not lift his eyes. Before his mind's eye there was a flash, the ghost-image of the miko as she had been, pale and faint behind the overlay of who she had become.

"She has not changed, Shippou, and yet…she is changed. You will not like what you see."

Shippou shook his head, hearing but not listening. In his thoughts, had he not imagined this reunion a hundred, a thousand times over, believing each time that it was more and more impossible? When he had returned to consciousness, he had dragged himself, and Sesshomaru, too, back to the place where it had happened, back to the burnt and broken ground. There had been graves, but not for Kagome; he had never been able to make himself believe that she was dead. Not until the days, the seasons, had become more years than she could possibly have lived. And now - !

"Did you think I would have forgotten her scent, _Sesshomaru-sama_?"

Sesshomaru shook his head, but stayed still where he was.

Shippou stalked off through the trees, following the promise of that scent on light feet.

* * *

Sesshomaru did not intend to let Shippou get far. He had seen the miko; he did not think it would be a good shock for her. Didn't the Kitsune realize how much he had changed? She would not recognize him; she might not believe he was not dead. It would be better if he could find her himself, first, if he could warn her, talk to her...

_How long will it take her?_

How long would it be until she remembered – would she even try? Her eyes, the soft voice that had followed him said she would…slowly, he stood, following Shippou, and his feet paced out the distance through the trees.

The forest sang in its full green, delighting in the night, and the clear yellow moonlight sparkled on him. His awareness tingled under the light, and his senses reached out with a clarity he had not known in decades.

_The miko has come out into the night. Did he find her?_

As he thought it he knew that his own foresight would not be shared with Shippou, that until he found her, the kitsune would not find her. It was a grace. His feet remembered the path to the little house on the edge of the wood, and guided him there without pause. He stopped, quickly, drawn up by the sight of her, reaching blindly through the trees. She was hindered by tears and thick emotions. Swiftly, he caught hold of her, and she ceased her stumbling and fell against his body.

He held her, stiffly, caught completely off guard, and felt her hands climb his shoulders, touch his face.

"Sesshomaru."

He knew by her distress that she had remembered, that she was not unaffected by the memory - but he was disturbed by her contact, the feel of her hands, her fingers. Not even his mother had ever touched him this way; even Rin had kept a respectful distance, always acknowledging the life-debt she owed.

_What _is_ this miko?_

He could not push her away. That would require a thought, an action, a reaction to something which could not even be.

Her fingers slipped along his temples and curled into a caress that was faint on his cheek. Without a thought, he leaned into that caress. It was..._good_ to be touched, good to feel this small miko, who cried for him - good to breathe the warm air of her breath.

Pale, shining tears leaked from her closed eyes, and the air between them became tinted with salt. The edge of her scent that was cooled by sadness tasted like ocean, like distance. Her hands had pulled on his haori, bending him over, bringing him near, and his own hands were tight on her shoulders. He did not know if he had stopped himself from trying to push her away, or pull her closer; he no longer had thoughts, and that, too, was good.

She let out a quick breath, a noise that broke the stillness, and his own eyes opened. The miko's hand was no longer touching his cheek; it was his lips, touching her cheek, tasting her tears. Even as he recognized it, he moved, his lips following the trail of one drop, avoiding the moment when one of them would speak.

_Just another moment, and I -_

His lips lingered at the corner of her mouth. A raw silence flowed around them, between them, rushing in the space of a moment, a millimeter. Sesshomaru stepped back.

"Someone else has come to see you, Kagome."

She swayed, and opened her eyes. Her hands floated up to press against her cheeks, and she shook her head.

"What? Sesshomaru…there is no one else who would come see me. You know…that they are all dead."

Her voice softened; he could tell her intention, the things she was going to begin to say, and suddenly, despite his original intention, decided that now was not the time. With an air of great nonchalance, he turned away.

_If she sees my effort, it is all for nothing._

"You had a Kitsune. Shippou."

Her eyes suddenly went wide, glistening in the moonlight.

"He has been under my care…since that day. We believed _you_ were dead, Kagome, but... he is here, now."

She stood still, utterly still. Her eyes followed him as he turned and walked away.

"Kagome! Kagome!"

She turned, hope blooming on her face, but Sesshomaru ignored the shout and disappeared between the reaching trunks and their draped greenery. There was a new flame among the embers of fury that had remained stilled in him for so long. He desired blood, desired an ending that had already come, and did not understand why the feeling had come on him so suddenly.

If only Naraku might breathe again, so he could drench him in death!

* * *

A/N: And this part, also, revised! (still 4/26...woo...) I forgot how much I liked this particular fic...whee! I'm going to try to get through these revisions as fast as possible so I can get to the last chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part V**

**Tangible: Kagome**

* * *

Over and over, Kagome kept repeating the incredible, the impossible truth.

_He is not dead - he is not dead! All this time - _

The smiling face of the kitsune in front of her was nothing like the face she had seen in her dreams, her nightmares - but there was something of the kit in him still, something that came out of him for her - something that eased, just the tiniest bit, the old, cold, ache.

Three times, she reminded herself that a century had passed, a century of great changes that must have included many battles, long journeys. If she had not changed, that was only because she was accursed and blessed with an unchanging form and the shikon no tama's power. Shippou, though...Shippou had grown up.

He did not seem to care how much time had passed, so excited was he, almost delirious with merely being in her presence. The kit she remembered had grown taller than she was, almost as tall as Sesshomaru, and his hair hung in a long braid. She supposed it was Sesshomaru who had given him the armor, armor that looked like the steel Sesshomaru himself had once worn. His smile had not changed, but she could tell that he no longer used it as frequently. His voice startled her from her introspection.

"Kagome?"

She shook her head, smiling, and then looked up so he could see it.

"I…I'm sorry Shippou. I thought you were dead, I thought that day, that battle, when Naraku…"

She could not say any more than that, but it was not necessary. His bright, shining smile thinned, and dimmed. Darkness flecked the angles of his face, and he looked away.

"It took me three weeks to wake up. Sesshomaru brought me away from the battlefield, and when he returned he buried the dead...that he could find."

For a moment, his voice was shaky.

"We always thought that you and Naraku were consumed, together with the jewel. That you dissolved into nothing. The place where you were was burnt so badly it looked like a star had fallen."

Kagome shook her head.

_Is this how easy it is to lose those you love? I have never needed to be alone…_

A shutter slid open over the darkness that brooded in her. The guilt she had felt over the loss of Shippou had been the worst guilt of all; he had only been a child.

"I am sorry, Shippou. I should never have let you onto that battlefield."

He smiled again, and reached over to touch her arm, light as a feather.

"Don't you remember, Kagome? I begged and begged not to be left behind. I promised I would follow you by myself if you left me behind. 'I'm a demon', I said. 'I'm strong', I said. I was just...wrong."

She gripped his fingers, and they were deadly and cool in her hands.

"It will always be my fault, Shippou…all of it. I will never forget that it was me who broke the jewel…and that it was me they died to protect. I am well punished, Shippou."

She held her hands over her chest, his captured hand between them, and closed her eyes. Suddenly wide-eyed, he felt a powerful, all too familiar pulse of energy from beneath her skin.

"The shikon no tama is inside me, where it started. Now, the miko in me touches it, and it is awake, infecting my blood with agelessness. I can not... I have not changed, Shippou. You see that."

It was true. He did not need to say anything.

A long silence fell between them, and the sun rose in the east like a leaping spear of light. Shippou looked across at Kagome, seeing a halo behind her as the sun grew higher in the sky, inch by inch. When the light touched her eyes, his smile softened. She had fallen asleep, and her face was at ease now as it had been on the long nights in their past.

He lifted her easily and gently, and lay her on the futon in the corner of the room. He had no idea why her sleep had been interrupted, or why she had run out into the night, but it didn't matter. He could wait, now that he had found her. Now that he had found her, everything would be right again.

* * *

Kagome slept a few hours of dark, dreamless sleep. Her dreams had been exhausted by the night's potential, and when she blinked and opened her eyes, there was a moment of surprise before she remembered the earliest morning.

_Shippou. I am no longer alone._

There were other things she needed, though. Other memories, other smiles, other moments. Shippou was good. Shippou would help.

She sat up, and ran her hands through her hair. He had been sitting with his back to her, but now he turned and watched her stand and shake out her clothes.

"Shippou, where is Sesshomaru now?"

He blinked. That was not one of the questions he had expected her to ask. Smoothly, he stood and walked to the door. Sesshomaru's own scent was thicker near them than he expected it to be, and he wrinkled his nose. Had he missed…something? Kagome's face held no clues.

"I could find him, if I followed his scent. He promised he would go back to the house…but I do not know if he really meant it."

His eyes slid over her at an angle she remembered from his childhood.

"Yesterday was the first time he had been there in more than a year, and before that it was twenty, if not more. He has wandered over the whole of Nihon, and out across the water to the west."

Kagome came up behind him, and he followed the urging of her presence out the door. Behind him, he heard a rough clatter, and the corner of his eye caught her stringing her bow, slinging the quiver over her back. Her smile was taut, but the tones of her voice pled with him.

"Will you take me to him, Shippou? Sesshomaru…I do not understand Sesshomaru."

Shippou laughed, shortly, but turned his nose to the task. She was Kagome – he could not deny her.

"No one understands Sesshomaru, Kagome. Not even him."

She stayed silent, but her thoughts were racing.

_I am close, Shippou, but I will not tell you how close. There was a reason…he left before you came. _

She closed her eyes, and swallowed. Shippou was the past, the past that had come for her, but Sesshomaru merged the old with the new. They had all changed, becoming more complex, fitting together in strange ways.

_In strange ways…yes._

Her hand came up to the corner of her mouth, and stayed there.

* * *

Phew! Part V, now ending. Part VI...I didn't even realize how far I'd gotten until just now. If more is good, please review! (I mean, I'll post more anyway but I'll be way happier about it if there are reviews!) And now, revisions are done! Yay revisions! (4/26, still! Go me!)

I just realized that somehow, this chapter ended up skipped, and the next one duplicated instead! How horrible! Fixed now! :D Much thanks to sayuri-girl, both for a great review and letting me know!


	11. Chapter 11

**Ukime no Sekisetsu**

**Part VI**

**Arise: Sesshomaru  
**

By the time the first night fell, Sesshomaru knew he was being followed. Like twin streams of teasing energy, the presence of Shippou and the miko reached out to him. The kitsune projected discontent like a wave before him; Kagome was a blur to his senses, a blur of guilt, and fear, and softness. He wondered how much of that was for him, and how much of it was just her.

_Kagome._

He knew it was not by Shippou's initiation that they were following his path. His miko was not happy that he had left her behind, and the kitsune would do anything to make her happy.

_And I know she will not tell him why._

He had not meant to lure her after him – or had he? Where Kagome was concerned, intentions and possibilities became skewed. As though it were a candle, he could see the cure she held out for him, the salve for century-old wounds. It seemed so simple; she had touched him, and now the ache was less.

He would have to find a way to keep her near him, until the last, weary throb was silenced. If she followed him, that made it easier. In one thing only, Shippou had been right.

_I do not want to share her. _

It was not really up to him at all. The miko would do what she wanted to do, and he would be lucky if she did not disappear entirely. The season just past had frightened him, the long wander as spring faded behind him, trying to find her again.

_I must lead her somewhere. Eventually, she will tired of the chase, and then she will need a place to rest. She is…not youkai. _

It was becoming impossible to think of her as human; the smoothness of her skin, the grace of her movement was something else. She did not even smell human any more – her scent was full of petals, shadows, stars. Abruptly, he stopped. The grass moved around his feet, damp with dew that was already collecting for the dawn.

_If I take her…home? _

It was not far, west and north of this place. And he had promised Shippou…he would return there.

_And the other_.

Easily, he made up his mind. There were things there that he could share with her, things he could give her. He waited for half an hour, watching the sun move in the sky, and the shadows of the leaves on the ground - long enough that Shippou had a chance to catch up. Then, not as swiftly as the first time, he continued on, and this time his direction was definite. By the time the sun was high, he had reached his destination, and he strode inside swiftly. There were preparations to be made if his miko was coming to this place, things that had to be started immediately.

_And even so, there is no way they will be finished in time. Either way, I cannot let her go back to a place like _that_ again_.

Dark in his thoughts was the through squalor of the village he had first found her in - the drab paleness of everything, the lack of color, of life. He had made a promise, and now, for the first time, there was a chance that he could keep it.

_Yes. That promise - _

_

* * *

  
_

"This is the place?"

Sesshomaru heard Kagome's voice outside, and went immediately to the door - and then stopped, waiting, his hand outstretched. Through the crack that it was open, he could see Shippou's face, the abrupt change in it as he recognized Sesshomaru's own presence; he nodded for Kagome.

"I told you it was not far. I cannot believe he actually came back here."

Kagome's eyes were questioning him, while they darted back and forth, taking in all the details of this place, but Shippou did not elaborate.

"It's beautiful, Shippou. I'm glad you were taken care of in such a place, that you were not left alone."

She shook her head, and sighed. Watching, Sesshomaru's eyes glittered, but a few harsh words formed on Shippou's lips and shot at her with a guttural depth.

"I _was_ alone here, except for…"

He paused, and licked his lips. His eyes darted upwards suddenly, away from Kagome's face, and locked with Sesshomaru's eyes, invisible in the door-shadow. Whatever he had been about to say, he suddenly changed his mind.

"Except for those times Sesshomaru chose to visit. That was not often."

Sesshomaru chose just that moment to slide open the door; he stood watchful and well-pleased, watching a fountain of relief bubble up in Kagome's chest and rise into her smile. It was close, very close, to the smile of his memory, and he wondered at her expression, at that happiness. Because...of him? He shook his head

"Are you berating me, kitsune? I might have left you to die in the blood on that battlefield."

"But you didn't, Sesshomaru. I am - so grateful, but the words...the words really don't mean much, do they?"

She spoke quietly, but the words distracted him from his displeasure; he looked again at her, and was struck dumb by the brilliance of her smile, the brightness of her eyes. When she turned away, he blinked, feeling a tingle even in his fingertips. While these feelings drifted across his face, Shippou watched, his eyes narrow, his gaze fierce. Sesshomaru saw what was coming, the intention of words that he had restrained before.

_Kagome's presence makes him bold. Is that good? I wonder._

"Shall we go inside, Sesshomaru-sama? Shall we see what welcome awaits us?"

Sesshomaru turned away from Shippou, and held out his hand for Kagome. She took it without a word, and her eyes scolded Shippou for a moment as they slid over him; it startled him, Sesshomaru saw it, and he felt a rumble of inner pleasure that already, he was important to her - already, he was worthy of respect in her eyes. He knew he did not deserve it; he had failed, failed...but the feeling was there, just the same.

He waited at the door with her hand carefully in his hand - so small, her hand! - as she balanced against him and slid off her shoes. The dark wood floors were smooth and cool under her feet; she shivered, and then Sesshomaru led her with a gentle hand through the polished hallways and past many shadowed doors.

The sound of a well-played lute strung itself slowly and quietly around her ears, so slowly that she when she noticed the music, finally, she could not remember when it had started, or if it had been playing when she first stepped inside the house. She stopped outside the door where it was strongest, in time for a tingle of light plucking notes that ran into her ears like rain. Sesshomaru's tug on her hand was pliant, and made her unafraid to tug back.

"Who is playing, Sesshomaru?"

His fingers slid away from her, and his eyes sharpened, peering through the silk-screened door. He had forgotten - or no, not forgotten, not bothered to remember - that this might be a difficult introduction. He noticed then that she still carried her bow in her other hand, and he saw long years of wariness in that; she was as different as could be from the girl she had once been. He spoke slowly, unable to avoid her question.

"Someone else…that I saved."

He took a step forward, and slid open the screen. His eyes were deep dark now, hiding interpretation. It took an instant for her to apply recognition, another instant for the player to look up and meet her eyes in the doorway. In the third instant, palpable power trembled along the length of her arrow, the string of her bow thrummed with it, her eyes blazing with memories.

"Tell me why she is here, Sesshomaru, before I kill her."

He had expected her anger, her power, but not the murderous desire that flickered behind her eyes.

_I was right; she is still guilty. Why? She had her vengeance, and I…_

It was not time for those thoughts. Grieving, anger, rotted desires must be put away for another moment, when his miko would tell him why, and how. He did not consider that she, too, might not know.

"She is here because I made a promise."

The arrow began to drop on the string, no longer aimed but still dangerous.

"A…promise?"

Kagome's eyes lifted from her target and strung themselves over Sesshomaru for a moment of appraisal. He told her the only thing he could think of to distract her, the only thing he could think of at all. He told her the Truth.

"To _Rin_."

She watched the name drag over him, illuminating many things for her even as it bloodied his thoughts. The memory of her dream bolted through her chest. It was not yet time to confront him with it. The sound of the girl's name contorted him - she did not have anything in her thoughts to encompass the future of his pain. Not now. Not yet.

"What was this promise, Sesshomaru?"

Her voice called him back out of the darkness, and he saw that she knew this.

"I promised…to protect _them_. There were others…but…I came too late."

_There was even you, miko. Kagome. She liked you best. _

He turned away, left her alone even as the bow was dropping from her fingers to the floor. He heard Kagome's footsteps, slow, and her voice, low and uncertain.

"Hello…Kanna."

He paused, waiting for the lisp that would answer her.

"You are the miko who killed him. Thank you, miko-sama. Thank you for my freedom."

There was a long, still silence. Kagome's voice snuck through it like waves beneath the water.

"You…play very well, Kanna. Will you - play for me?"

Sesshomaru turned away, satisfied. Even as he was walking away, an angry huff passed near him, moving swiftly. With turning or pausing in his footsteps, Sesshomaru stopped the motion of that anger with low, easy words.

"You do not remember Kagome very well, Shippou. She was never one with a grudge, never one to carry vengeance close to her. She is not like us."

"But – Kanna!"

He stopped then, so that Shippou would not be able to see the expression on his face.

"Kanna is a child. She will never be anything but a child, emptying everything she touches, unless she chooses to make it so. She is not Naraku, Shippou."

_Yes…she is not Naraku. But she does not laugh. _

He passed away down the hallway without further words; he kept his thoughts to himself, and returned to the preparations he had been making. There were new rooms in his house now; Shippou would be surprised. He was making plans without admitting them, even to himself; he had intentions which he had no intention of describing, even in his thoughts. He was racking his brain for a way to get her away, now that she had come - for a short while, with the insurance of her return. Momentarily, his eyes widened. He knew, quite suddenly, exactly the right thing to do.

_I will send them to the festival; I could hear it, smell it it, on the way back here. I will send her with Shippou, and that will give enough time...to finish. _

Slowly, completely, sure that no one was watching, he smiled.

* * *

A/N: Little bit longer than the others, hopefully not _too_ long...and away I go, to Part 6, second half...Shippou, Kagome, and a festival. (Should I...should I _beg_? Pleeease review? Pleeease? I will speak to the spirits of the anime plane...)


	12. Chapter 12

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part VI**

**Arise: Kagome**

* * *

As soon as it was mentioned, Shippou ran to tell Kagome Sesshomaru's plan. The thought never crossed his mind that she might be less than pleased. When he told her - _a festival - _and she looked into his face at the glittering green eyes, that wide, impossible smile, it broke her heart to be less than happy.

She couldn't understand why Sesshomaru would want to send her to a human village, unless he intended to pick a place for her close by, and keep her there. That...would not do. She would have to tell him so. Besides - it had been ages since she had entered a village for any reason other than to ply her trade; she had seen many changes taking place, things that she had known at one time as history, and it was...odd, to say the least.

It made her feel displaced, and the feeling made her wonder why, in the beginning, she had never felt that way. She was not sure she had the heart for a festival, was not sure she had the ability to be _happy _any more, not in the way Shippou wanted. But the sight of _Shippou's_ happiness, fading fast as she continued to say nothing, made her determined to try.

"What is this festival for, Shippou?"

He shrugged.

"No idea. I've been in that village before, buying things sometimes - just for fun. But I don't know the human holy calendars, Kagome, I'm a demon – remember?"

"And you...they don't mind that you're a demon? It's so much less common to hear of demons now. The first few years....after...."

She stopped, swallowed, shook herself a little - Shippou saw, and frowned.

"...after, I spent a lot of time traveling, helping different villages that were beset by demons. When Naraku was gone, many of the youkai who had been in hiding thought it was safe to come out, safe to torment humans. I made sure they were wrong."

She smiled, but it was not an expression he liked to see on her face. It was not her old smile; there was not a drop of innocence left in it, not even a shred. She wore this smile like a scar.

"Weren't you listening, Kagome? I've been in this village before, many times...and as far as they know, I'm not a demon."

Her eyes widened.

"Of course - you can change shape. But, Shippou, don't tell me that you've started tricking humans - "

"Course not. Well - "

He faltered under the sternness of her gaze.

"Not much, Kagome, I promise. And only when they deserve it!"

"Shippou - "

He crossed his arms and looked away from her.

"I saw a man beating a little girl in an alley once - really hurting her. He was whispering at her, really horrible things - about her parents, and how he had killed them. About what she would have to do to earn back the money they had owed him. I heard every word. So I walked down the alley in the shape of a beautiful woman, pretending to be lost, and when he came to _help_ me, I killed him."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her flinch, and then nod, slowly.

"But, Shippou - in front of the girl!"

He relaxed a little. The Kagome he remembered would have been terrified at such a story...and this new Kagome was not. But still -

_She doesn't like it. _

"The girl was happy. She was old enough to understand what he was saying, what he had done."

"And Sesshomaru?"

"The man I killed had some influence...Sesshomaru was not happy with what I had done, either, until I told him about the girl. He refused to see her, but he gave me coins for her, enough to see that a good family would take her in and treat her well without asking questions."

"He would do that."

Shippou eyed her suspiciously; she was suddenly speaking like someone with intimate knowledge, but she did not know Sesshomaru. He had already told her - about that.

"So...a festival. I..."

Shippou stood tensely, waiting for her rejection. He was sure now, after such a protracted discussion, that she would say no, but -

"I suppose I could go, but, Shippou - they will know I am a miko. They will want me to do things - rituals, healing - that would not be...fun."

She could see his suspicious expression still, and she knew what he was thinking - that this way, she would be able to avoid his invitation without having to refuse. She was not trying to refuse him - his wilting, fading excitement had more than convinced her. Her words were nothing more than truth. Her clothes, her bow, even the style of her hair spoke loudly about what she was.

"You are right, Kagome. It will not do. Come with me."

She turned abruptly, startled. Sesshomaru was standing directly behind her, so close that as she turned the ends of her hair flicked outward and trailed across his sleeve.

"Sesshomaru! What are you talking about, Shippou said this was -"

"My idea. Yes. I thought it would please you, but you are right. If you go as you are, they will certainly recognize your calling and seek you out. I will fix this; then you may leave. Come with me?"

She heard the difference, the question. She followed him, and without quite understanding how it had happened, Kagome found herself in a narrow gallery, partitioned by screens, dressing in the thin undergarments that went with a lady's robes.

_What am I doing? I don't know how to wear these clothes, I don't know what to do at a festival like this - _

"I should have said no -"

She was grumbling, and she knew it, but at the moment she had things to grumble about. The robes were impossible, too long, too many ties and folds and tucks. She didn't understand how Sesshomaru expected her to dress in them by herself - didn't he know that human woman only wore these things because they had servants to help them? They were beautiful, though, she couldn't deny that - rich colors, deep green and a cool river of blue, bright yellow embroidery that outlined glorious trees in flower.

After another minute, she gave up.

"Shippou? Shippou can you come help me? I can't get these robes on..."

She waited, hoping he could hear her, and turned to the sound of a single footstep with a grateful smile, words already sliding out of her mouth before she saw who it was.

"Thanks, Shippou, I -"

It was Sesshomaru.

_Sesshomaru!_

Flushing brighter than a cherry, she held the robe in her hands up over her chest and took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. He spoke first, his eyes so bright she could have sworn he was laughing at her.

"You are embarrassed, Kagome? I will leave if you desire it, but the kitsune has far less experience than I do with such things...and I have seen you in far less clothes than _that_."

He looked faintly amused now, enough that she could actually see it, and she looked down at herself, flush fading. He was right. It had been so long, so long, but he was one of those who would remember.

"My school uniform..."

The words made no sense to him, and he was on the verge of turning and walking out the door when she spoke again, softly.

"I would be grateful for your help, Sesshomaru."

With swift and easy movements, he circled her, tying, folding; she felt his hands pass around her waist, careful not to touch her. They were incredibly warm, his hands; for some reason, she had always thought that he would be cold to the touch, but instead his flesh was hot, as if a terrible fire was burning just beneath the surface. As he tucked the last fold in place, smoothing her collar, she reached upward and touched his face. She was gentle; a moment passed, and then two. Neither of them moved - she, standing still with her hand on his cheek, captivated by the expression on his face, the glow, those eyes - he, his hand paused between the layers of silk, just over her breast. He could feel her heartbeat under his hand, steady - swift.

"Kagome? Are you ready?"

Shippou's voice startled them both; abruptly, Kagome found herself alone, without even a breeze, a shift in the air, to tell her which direction Sesshomaru had gone.

"Yes, Shippou. I'm coming."

* * *

A/N: And off to the festival they will go...once I find my USB keyboard or my new shift key comes in the mail...

Revisions, done! Next part...going now!


	13. Chapter 13

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part VII**

**Uncontrollable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

It had been his first intention to let them go, alone; to stay and supervise the work as he had done earlier. Somehow, it felt more imperative to be near her; he wanted to hear her words, her secret thoughts, the things that she might share with the Kitsune that she would not share with him. It had been his idea, but he was regretting it now; it had been his idea, but the expression on her face, the smile, was stretched taut in a way that disturbed him. Above it, her eyes were haunted and dark.

_She is not - happy_. _Not even here, among her own kind. Why?_

He had sent them in a carriage; the robes he had dressed her in would never have stood the trip otherwise. As he stared at her, listening to Shippou try to draw out lighthearted conversation, his thoughts flashed back to that strange moment, the feel of her heartbeat, under his hand - it was twice now, that she had touched him. Twice, that he had felt her thin fingers on his cheek, twice that he had been captured by her. Twice, that she had soothed him.

"Why can't you look forward, instead of back? Why can't you let them go?"

"Shippou!"

The angry words, the change in her tone, snapped Sesshomaru back into watchfulness. What was the Kitsune doing? He was supposed to make her at ease, not put the ache back in her voice. Didn't he understand, yet, that she was different? In his first moments with her, he had known, and Shippou had had hours.

"Weren't they your friends, Shippou? How do you find them so easy to forget?"

The Kitsune's sigh of frustration was deep and hot. Sesshomaru was moving quickly through the shadows of the village now, creating strange winds that sent a few drunk men stumbling into walls, his attention utterly focused. Perhaps Shippou was not foolish, after all.

"I would never ask you to forget them, Kagome. I do not forget either. But they died for you to live."

"Yes."

Sesshomaru heard her voice become soft and thick. Was that what it was - the thing that had smothered her fire? The thing that had buried her in guilt?

_I don't...understand_.

The thought was almost resentful, but he took another few steps, came close enough that he could see Shippou's face clouding over, see the sheen in Kagome's eyes.

"But you are not living, Kagome!"

He saw her eyes go wide.

"I-"

"You are not living! You've become like Kikyou; living, but dead!"

His words were hot, bright, but her fury was brighter. Her slap echoed, a crack like a falling branch. Bitterness spurted out of her like arterial blood.

"You will not compare me to her! You will not!"

Sesshomaru saw eyes turning towards her from all around, confused humans completely unaware of what was going on in their midst. Kagome could not stop shaking. She had forgotten…how much she hated that name. And even now…even now, she was still Kikyou! Sesshomaru did not know the name, except as the vaguest of memories; something to do with his brother - an accusation, a death that had not belonged to him. Why would such a comparison hurt her?

"I should not have a life, Shippou, did you forget? I was human!"

_Ah - _

He was beginning to understand.

"You are standing there, taller than me, trying to be wise – but it should not be! I should be dead, I should be dead and I cannot die!"

Sesshomaru saw that Shippou was incapable of speech. The striking of her hand had stunned him, and it could not have even really hurt. Sesshomaru did not know, could not know - that it had always been Inuyasha who hit him, and Kagome who protected him, but this…

She was staring now at her fingers, shaking her head.

"Do not try to bring back things that cannot be. What was…was. It is not, now."

She shook her head, reached out and touched the Kitsune's cheek. When she spoke again her voice was soft, devoid of all bitterness, all feeling.

"I have nothing left with which to begin again, Shippou, and there is nothing you can give me. The Kagome you knew is dead, as surely as this person I have become is alive, and has grieved at the difference. How unfair that is, even…now."

The expression on Shippou's face was almost worse to look at than Kagome's. Sesshomaru saw her make a great effort, pushing everything back, away, down to wherever it had come from, and stand, and take Shippou's hands.

"Come on, Shippou. This is a festival, isn't it?"

From where he had watched, eyes burning and then relaxed, Sesshomaru stepped forward and stared after them. Despite her words, something of the past was being restored to her. It was good. She was better this way.

Slowly, he followed through the narrow streets, watching from the shadows. Once, when Shippou was turned in the other direction, he saw her turn and look straight at him, her eyes glittering, her features soft. Hesitantly, she held out a hand; it was an invitation, it could not be mistaken for anything else.

He took a step backwards, and then again, and again.

* * *

As he had intended, Shippou kept Kagome out at the village until late in the night, after the fireworks had been lit and the lanterns had been let free. It was almost dawn when he heard the carriage returning, and he slipped outside to meet them so quietly that even Shippou was startled by his appearance.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Were you waiting up? You said I should keep her out for as long as I could - "

"Yes. You did well; is she..."

"Sleeping. How she could manage the way that thing bumps around, I have no idea, but...Sesshomaru-sama?"

Very carefully, Sesshomaru reached into the carriage and lifted her out, settled her against his chest. She was as light as if she were made of mist. He felt her turning, as if his arms were a bed, and he allowed it, let her press her cheek against his chest, draw her legs up; her breathing settled, became soft and deep. He only realized that he had been standing there, holding her, looking at her, for an indeterminate amount of minutes when Shippou ventured a halting interruption.

"Sesshomaru-sama? Are - did - what - "

It was obvious that he could not think of the right question to ask, and Sesshomaru only looked up at him once, silently, before he turned and strode into the house. Shippou finally had a question then, but something made him almost afraid to ask it.

"Where...where is she going to sleep, Sesshomaru-sama?"

He missed the smile on Sesshomaru's face.

"In her own room; it is finished now. Did you think I wanted you to take her away for no reason, after-"

Sesshomaru stopped. He had been on the verge of saying something he had not admitted even to himself; it was painfully obvious, but as long as he did not say it, did not _think_ it, he could continue to act as though it was not true. He shook his head sharply, and slid aside the door to her new room with his foot. It was not completely new; he had offered enough coins for the necessary speed to make it worthwhile, and a pair of galleries leading down towards the garden stream had been quickly joined together. He was pleased - the joints of the floor were smooth and polished, the bed where he had specified; it was a little bare, this room, but he would fix that. Shippou had stopped at the doorway; Sesshomaru heard his restless shifting, his contemplation of whether or not to come in. He ignored him.

"Kagome - Kagome."

She blinked very slowly and barely opened her eyes; carefully, he set her down at the end of the bed, but did not relinquish her hands.

"I will undress you, and then you may sleep, Kagome."

Sesshomaru heard Shippou's indrawn breath, almost a gasp, and then one sharp footstep, but Kagome had already turned so he could reach her obi. He was surprised by how much easier it was to get them off than on; she stood still, and let him do as he pleased, only moving to pull her arms out of the sleeves. When she was free of the robes, she climbed backwards into the bed and crawled under the furs; in another moment she was asleep again.

He stood for a long time, watching her, her features easier now, utterly relaxed. After a while, he heard a footstep, and then a hesitant voice: Shippou.

"Sesshomaru-sama?"

He did not move; did not answer. The moonlight drew lines and whorls on her skin; he found his attention drawn to the hollow at the base of her throat, just above her breasts. He could see her breathing beneath the translucent skin; he could see her heartbeat.

"_Kagome_."

It was a whisper. He did not know he had spoken.

* * *

A/N: USB keyboard, located - typing, way easier with a shift key! Much thanks to fairqueen for the review; I love the angst, but happy endings make it better!

Revisions, complete! Next, Part VII, second half!


	14. Chapter 14

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part VII **

**Uncontrollable: Kagome**

* * *

Days passed, and the summer rose up, and flowered, and faded away. Without anyone asking, without any answers being given, Kagome stayed; she began to spend the shortening days in the gardens, tending flowers and preparing them for change of season. The skies were dulling to a constant stormy grey, and the warm summer winds were giving way to the brisk winds of autumn. Sometimes she stopped on the bridge over the stream in the garden and listened to the water play over the stones, or stared at the dark sky when night came and the stars flamed into life.

She was confused by Sesshomaru's gift, this...home, his unpredictable roughness and the grave chance of his smile. She was unsure what he wanted from her, knew only that he wanted her close, sometimes so close that she thought she would be burned by the heat of him; his hands, his eyes, his words.

He was quiet and companionable, the exact opposite of everything she had ever believed about him; he did not talk much but when he did she found herself hanging on his words. He knew history, and magic, music, and the great literature of men – and of demons, of which she had known nothing. By candlelight, he gave her wine, shared his food with her and told her stories, and she felt ancient mysteries take root and blossom in her mind.

Only Shippou tried to draw out the Kagome they both remembered, despite what she had told him, despite the black words that had wounded him at the festival. He wanted back the Kagome who laughed, the Kagome who was not guilty. Even the thought was dark in her; the memories of happiness she carried she did not feel she deserved.

_And so…what I am doing here?_

Today, the silence of this house had begun to disturb her. The floorboards were quiet, her own breath loud in her ears. The intensity of her focus made her aware of a whisper against the outside of the house.

_Rain. Are you standing out there, Sesshomaru, standing in the rain? What are you doing, now?_

He had left in the morning; now it was nightfall, and he had yet to return. Since she had followed him, it was the first time he had left; it was not as if she spent all her time in his company, far from it...but the night seemed long and empty, full of silence. She had grown used to his pacing footsteps; she had grown used to his eyes watching over her in the night.

In her dreams, she knew something was missing, even if she had not really been aware of it in the first place. Yearning filled her, pulsing like a second heartbeat in her veins, and she did not understand it. She had thought she was beginning to understand _him_, but each movement he made in the span of her awareness was strange. Each word, each glance, each expression offered her change.

In the morning, the cold silence was still heavy, like a blanket of chill mist not to be dispelled. It had been hard to sleep feeling emptiness around her. In the villages, there were always people, and while she traveled there was wind and the hum of insects to keep her company. Here, there was only the unnatural silence of youkai footsteps, the occasional muted hum of a lute or a plucked string on a koto, and the mild sounds of the weather.

She peered outside, but a deep mountain of clouds hid the sky. Both sun and moon had been reduced to a pale, colorless glow.

Kagome walked down the long silence of hallways slowly, and held her hands in her sleeves to warm them. Cold was seeping into the air; it was the end of the tenth month, and everything was beginning to sparkle with chill. The bare sun did not do much to change that; the cold came in through walls and floors, and today the wind's breath held the memory of an early frost. It was the first day she had woken to find everything lined with a rough sparkle of ice, the dried leaves frozen in wild patterns across the ground.

She went outside, and watched Shippou walk out to sweep them off the long paths in the garden, the stiff leaf-skeletons brittle and then wet as the morning's little gathering of warmth brushed the frost to dew. She looked up at the sky, grey and sunny and cloudless, and sighed; and then her eyes darted aside swiftly, her ears tuned to a pair of footsteps that once, she had not been able to notice.

It made her think. How long had she been here, how many days? Since the summer began, and now the autumn was getting close to its end.

"Sesshomaru - you came back."

She spoke while he was still behind her and heard him stop, wondered if it was surprise that had halted him.

"Of course."

He took another few steps forward, and only stopped when she could feel the heat of his body against her back, almost touching, not quite. Her skin tingled.

"Come with me, Kagome. There is something I want to show you."

She followed him into the house, and dared to ask a question of her own.

"Where did you go, Sesshomaru?"

"You will see."

A faint, unbelievable suspicion slithered into her thoughts. He sounded almost pleased with himself, almost...excited. He led her towards her own room, past all the other doors and screens, past silent galleries and empty chambers. He stopped her outside the door, and held up a hand, as if in caution. Smoothly, he slid open the door, and her eyes went wide.

"Sesshomaru -"

His name came out hushed, a disbelieving murmur. When she had gathered herself enough to actually take a step forward and look around, she was even more astonished. Tall screens separated the room now, and it was obvious that he had had them painted just for her - obvious that he had been listening, more than listening, when she told him about her home, her impossible origin, the family she would never see again. In clear detail, the Goshinboku spread its branches, heavy with petals, over a familiar scene. It was the shrine - _her_ shrine, just as she remembered it, so exact that she thought she might be able to count the number of stairs.

Tears welled in her eyes and she turned away from the screen, looked at the rest of the room. There was a desk, several shelves, bound books and scrolls laid carefully beside each other. She stepped forward, her eyes darting into every corner. Sesshomaru still stood in the doorway, hesitant, and Kagome turned quickly, before she could change her mind.

"Sesshomaru - thank you, Sesshomaru -"

As if expecting to be tossed away at any moment, her arms enclosed him; the top of her head did not even reach his chin. Carefully, he held her, and did not know what to do. Her breath was warm through the silk of his haori.

"Kagome -"

It was a startled word. Her gratitude felt misplaced – hadn't he been the one who had come too late, the one who had not been able to protect? It was the first thing he thought of, always. He had a made a promise, and he would do his best to fulfill it - that was all. The scent of her amusement was light and quick, though, and holding her this way he could smell the orange blossom fragrance of her hair.

_Orange blossoms in autumn? _

"For these things, Sesshomaru; you don't think I should be grateful? For this place...and you saved Shippou. I don't need to understand. I am…just grateful. I-"

Kagome shook her head, and stepped away. Whatever she had been about to say had died on her lips before it could escape, but she didn't think she really wanted to know. Color was rising in her cheeks; her hands were shaking.

"I will leave you here to look at what is yours, Kagome."

Gently, deftly, he peeled away her fingers and walked out the door. Her eyes followed him, wondering, just to see, but he did not look back. She heard his voice from the end of the hall.

"The sky is dark tonight; when you are ready, come out and walk with me."

She smiled faintly; already, after so little time, he knew her too well. The moonless nights were still the hardest; she did not think he knew why, but this would be her fourth, here with him, and since the first, when he had found her outside in the night with tears on her face, he had stayed with her, keeping her company while she did not sleep. It no longer seemed strange to her that he was kind; he had said it, that first day, and she had never forgotten it since. _I made a promise_, he said. To - _Rin_.

She had understood from the beginning what had broken him so, but being with him had made her understand the horrible truth.

_He still doesn't know - He still doesn't know _why_. _

* * *

A/N: Hmm...I'm not sure if I'm happy with this part...we'll see. I may revise it eventually, but for now...enjoy! Please review!

4/26 – I am happy, I am! :D Revisions are so awesome. Anyway, ta-da! And...onward!


	15. Chapter 15

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part VIII**

**Snow Flowers: Sesshomaru**

* * *

Since the day he had brought her gifts, the day she had reached out and held him, a barrier had been broken down that Sesshomaru felt no need to replace. He was gaining exactly what he had wanted by bringing Kagome here; under her hands, the warmth of her infrequent smiles, the deep, cold ache was beginning to fall apart. What was replacing it, he did not dare to think of; in the long nights, in the cold, he watched her sleep but never took a step into her room; if he wanted to, he held her, but if she moved he let her go...and the reason - the _reason_, she never asked, and he did not say.

Since the autumn had faded, though, he had sensed something changing in her; it was in her eyes, in her movements. She was becoming...melancholy. He had found her inkstone, and a torn-off corner of paper tucked under it; as he had read the words, he had known they were not for him, but they had burned themselves into his thoughts.

_'Here in a place of lonely nights –  
Quiet it is; quieter yet without you'_

He had not been able to stop himself from writing, replying. It was the easiest way to tell her that he had seen the words, read them - she had not been back to her room yet, but he would know when she had found them - his words. His thoughts now were almost terrifying; almost, because he was still Sesshomaru, even if he was broken, and that meant terror could not touch him. He was mocked by his own thoughts, until he slaughtered them; for a moment he felt savage, and it was good.

_If I ask her to stay, and she does not want to stay, I will lose her. But…if she says yes, and lets this be home, she will always be near me._

Sesshomaru's thoughts wandered back and forth, trading between yes and no. He was sure that the secret in her cure was her _self_. She gave of herself freely, and did not mind being so open. Or perhaps…she did not know?

"Sesshomaru?"

Where had she come from? It was not good to have thoughts so distracted he could not sense her. _Kagome_.

_I must ask her. She will stay._

"Come with me, Kagome."

If she stayed, she would reorder their lives. What if Kanna were to laugh? What if Shippou became strong in her presence, and remembered who he was? What would he do? The thought of the immense chaos that was coming made him - was he _smiling_? He did not remember ever feeling this way, this...happy. Not even in the days before -

_Agony_.

He took a deep breath, and found that he was able to continue thinking.

_I brought her robes, and painted screens, her books and brushes, paper and ink. _

He scowled momentarily, as his thoughts skipped over all his memories of this woman and the girl she had been.

_It is not fair that Inuyasha had her first._

He closed his eyes.

_He is dead - and _I _am not._

Pity touched him, directing his attention back at Kagome. Without hesitation, he reached for her hands and pulled her close. She would help him - she always helped him. Kagome was relaxed, her limbs loose under his hands, and he held her in silence, drawing strength from her warmth, the scent of her skin. He would give her all the things women want; he knew well what they were, had seen the gifts his father made to _that woman_…and he had made sure that Rin had those things, and Kanna. Rin's eyes had sparkled with wonder at the shine on every surface. Kanna was…Kanna.

For a moment, he stopped breathing. The sound of his heartbeat was loud in his ears.

_I think _Rin_, and it does not burn me. It is Kagome. It is her cure._

He did not know how or when it had happened, but he was grateful. Had she come to him, had he found her for just this reason? But - how could you repay someone for something as impossible, as personal as salvation? There was no coin, no equivalence. He owed her for the thought of that name.

_Rin. _

* * *

It was dark when he decided; dark, when he knew. She came out to stand with him on the bridge - many nights, she had done this. How many? He could not remember.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her; he could feel her thoughts on him, that he was their focus, even while she was so being so careful not to look at him that he could trace the line of tenseness in her neck with his eyes.

"Kagome."

Her eyes lifted toward his face in question, and he kept only serious thoughts on his face, did not know that smaller, deadlier emotions were drifting in his eyes.

"It has been two seasons since you came here, following me. Will you stay, Kagome?"

She turned, and looked back at the house, and he turned with her, tried to see what she would see. The sun was clouded, the autumn sky dark and crinkled with white and grey layers. The garden that wrapped around the western side of the house glittered with oranges and yellows; a last few chrysanthemums straggled by the sides of the well tended path. A bridge zigzagged over a narrow stream, led to the smaller contemplation garden. The house was long and tall, lit within and without by candles and lamps. The sound of Kanna's lute snuck out into the air, and then faded on a quieter strain.

"I will stay, Sesshomaru. If you stay."

His eyes lit like liquid gold. She had been the first to hold him, to reach out and touch him – she reminded him sometimes of _that woman_, with her smallness, her pale, brilliant beauty. The way she applied a cooling salve to the open wound that was his youkai soul. In her brief moments of meekness, like now, she seemed swallowed by the voluminous silk of her robes, the many layers of them, silk and fur.

Darkness pushed into his thoughts, pulling on the sheltered desire that she awoke and fed when she touched him. Her warm weight, her shoulders under his hands, soothed the raw edges of guilt, and snuck deeper than he was prepared for. He wanted her touching him, the cool strength of her fingers with their bowstring calluses; he wanted her wrapped around him, like before - when she had said that she was grateful.

For a moment, straying, his thoughts enveloped her in a sheen of desire. Wrapped around him, yes - but without the silk. He caught himself smiling grimly into the air. This was how his father had been trapped, but…Kagome was no longer human. Neither was she youkai, but even she could not speak of herself as human any more. Was it the stain of mortality that had been washed from her, that freshened her scent to his senses? He bared his teeth. Her flesh under his hands was a tingle in all of his limbs.

Slowly, he bent his head. His nose led him into the soft pile of her hair, the fragrance he loved, always the same. Even now, when the red leaves had all fallen, she bore the scent of spring blossoms, orange blossoms. Why did he like them? Flowers, what reason would he have, to -

_They were her favorite flower. Rin. I had them brought for her, the trees. I remember, now - she smiled. She used to smile for me._

His arms drew Kagome close, closer, crushing her against his chest.

"Sesshomaru? Are you…well?"

She had not spoken for a long while. Her voice sounded lower than he remembered it, richer. The words were hesitant and he wondered if she knew, and what he could tell her. If she knew -

"My thoughts were…wandering."

In the space before he spoke that last word, many thoughts dashed across his mind and were discarded. How could he explain? A smile, a real, true smile gave Kagome a flush the color of peaches as it touched his lips. He loosened his hold on her just enough that he could brush away the strands of her hair that hung between them, and lowered his mouth to her throat. His tongue traced her pulse through trembling skin; his fangs caught and dragged on the softness of her skin.

When he stood straight again, licking the taste of her from his teeth, he did not let go; she did not pull away, even when her eyes were no longer hazy.

"Yes."

She looked up at him quickly, and he held her eyes without trouble.

"Yes - I will stay here."

She looked away as quickly as she had looked up, but he thought - he thought he had seen her _smile_.

_That was _Kagome _in her face; that was Kagome, the light I remember._

It had been dangerous once, that light, and now...it was his cure.

* * *

A/N: And, indeed, it is not all angst! But don't get too excited yet...more...almost immediately! I love this story, you see. I think it might be my favorite one - _might_ be. So....review? Please Review? If you review, then you will magically appear in the author note...right here...talking to me...in...author note time? You can even ask me questions (I might know the meaning of life, you know.) Oh. The poems from the previous chapters, I and II, are from an ancient chinese poetry book I got from somewhere....the one in this chapter and following chapters, I wrote myself. And no, I'm not trying to make haiku's, or wakka. Even if I probably should. Toooo much work.

Revised! Yahoo! (still no haiku's though, sorry guys! :P )


	16. Chapter 16

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part VIII **

**Snow Flowers: Kagome**

* * *

Quickly, far too quickly, the pale blue skies of autumn's end became the grey skies of winter, and Kagome felt the pain approaching that turned her bones to brittle sticks, the pain that ripped out the warmth from her flesh. Behind the pain, and laid over it, and woven into it, was Sesshomaru. What had that been, that touch? Was it the kiss of a demon? She had never really been kissed before; the touch of his fangs on her skin was not what she expected, but she could not deny the heat that had shot through her veins. She was confused, so she watched, and waited...and was tempted.

"Kagome."

His voice made her jump. She had learned the quiet pattern of his movements; he almost never surprised her any more, but she had been too deep in her own thoughts to feel him coming, and when she looked up she surprised tenderness on his face, his eyes soft on her. Then he spoke, and shattered all such illusions.

"I am leaving now, Kagome. I will return in three days."

A sudden, sharp memory took hold of her senses; Shippou, speaking: "_...more than a year, and before that it was twenty..."_

Her throat felt tight, hot. How many days had it been, since he had said it? _I will stay_, he had said.

"You are…leaving?"

He nodded, silent, and she stood and stepped toward him. It was the most natural thing in the world.

"Then I am coming with you."

She did not ask where, or why, or why he had not mentioned before now that he would be going away. She had not expected him to stay her for the rest of time; she had not expected him never to leave again, but now -

"No."

Dark shutters had closed behind his eyes, blocking his thoughts away from her. Everything she had begun to suspect fluttered with a disrupted heartbeat. Silence swirled between them. There was no arguing with the blankness of his face, the coldness of his eyes. In the dimness of her feeling, she remembered what day it was that had come on her so quickly, and was...angry.

_Angry?_

"You are going…and it is that time."

_Tomorrow is the day I was left alone. And now, _you_ are leaving me?_

She tried, but could not say it. A black shadow flickered across his face.

"Three days, Kagome. Three days, and I will return here."

He turned, but her hand stilled him, and then withdrew.

"I will not follow you, Sesshomaru. Do not...take too long."

He walked out of the garden, and she turned away. If she had stayed, watching him, she would have seen it - the sudden collapse, the way grief claimed him.

_I am coming, Rin._

* * *

Kagome waited, sure every other moment that he would not return, unsure of why it pained her so to think of it. It was not just that he knew of her strangeness and accepted it; there was more, something glittering in his face when he looked at her. When she woke the first morning, she turned away from the windows. The second morning, the sky was grayer, darker, - that night there was a white-light color that did not change or flicker, promising snow in the long months to come. In the morning, there was only the dull shadows, and the cold. She sat at the end of her bed and watched the fire dance in the brazier on the other side of the room, and tried to make sense of her own thoughts.

_What I am doing here?_

She did not think Sesshomaru was aware of the darkness that was engineered by his departure. In another time, another place, she had been the one who held things together, but here and now, it was Sesshomaru. Her coming had disrupted routines that were a hundred years established – and there had been that look on Sesshomaru's face, when she had told him – told him! – that she would follow him. Unsteady emotions and many strange days had made her forget that he was not one from whom you could make demands.

_But he still does not know why he misses his Rin, and he has never considered…_

"Kagome?"

Shippou stood outside her door, and she turned her gaze away from the fire. In the dimness, Shippou was a tall shadow with a jade glint of eyes.

"Kanna is working in the winter garden. She asked for you."

A tiny flip of laughter swam up out of Kagome's throat. She felt...almost hysterical.

"Did she really? That's good. I will...I'll go to her. What about you, Shippou?"

He shook his head – she could see it in his shadow.

"It is time for practice."

Kagome stood and went to the door, pulled it open. He looked surprised to see her in the miko clothes she had put aside almost as soon as she had come here, but she had not even tried to dress in the robes Sesshomaru had left without him.

"Then you will come and practice in the windowed hall, so we can hear you. I never expected that you would become a musician - how did you learn?"

He looked at her for a moment, silent, and then shrugged.

"Sesshomaru taught me - "

"Sesshomaru...taught you - "

Shippou started to smile, and then turned away. She saw that his koto was already in his hands.

"Alright, Kagome. I will come play for you."

* * *

In the garden, everything was quiet. The arrangement of leafless cedar was flawless, the white aspens pristine, the sound of late autumn's wind through the bare reeds harmonious. She stopped for a moment, breathed the tight, cool air deeply. The ground was a flood of bright yellow and deep red, crisp brown beneath, the last of the autumn leaves. The night's frost was bright and traced in shining lines among them; the colors shimmered under the dew-sparkle.

The crunch of her footsteps brought a greeting, a pale head of hair rising from the ground.

"Kagome-sama. Thank you for coming."

"Just Kagome, Kanna."

Kanna stared at her blankly, and she sighed.

"Well, at least it is better than 'miko-sama'. What is it you are planting, Kanna? Isn't it late in the season for that?"

"Snow flowers."

She turned back to her small hole.

"They will tell us when spring has come. A song told me that -"

From the long row of slatted windows on their left came the sound of strings. Kagome smiled. For the first time, she saw the corners of Kanna's mouth lift, and knew there was only one thing that could accomplish something so miraculous.

"How long have you loved him, Kanna?"

She jumped. No real color flushed Kanna's pale cheeks, but she had stopped patting earth into place - she had become too still. When she spoke, it was very softly; she did not raise her eyes from the last flower she had planted.

"Shippou-san only plays with me when Sesshomaru-sama tells him to. Or…you. I have loved him almost since we were first brought here, but Shippou-san can not forget that I am Naraku."

"Kanna! You are not Naraku!"

Kanna continued to stare straight ahead, her voice toneless.

"But I was made from him, and something of him remains in me. Shippou-san…he knows that, and he does not forgive me for it."

They worked together in silence for a while, their mouths empty of words. The string-sound from the windows stirred the leaves that remained. After a while, Kanna spoke again.

"When Sesshomaru-sama is gone, Shippou-san is not happy, despite what he says. He does not like to be left behind."

Kanna's eyes were soft whenever she spoke of Shippou – there was gentleness in her movements as she methodically planted the little seeds.

"Shippou-san loves you, Kagome-sama. Do you know that?"

Kagome smiled. She knew. His tenseness, his strangeness, the rough spots in his smile all had told her.

"He loves a memory of me, Kanna. The person I am...is not that person. He is learning, a little at a time."

It was Kagome's turn to be silent, and the soft earth under her fingers was a chill reminder of the past. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do. Perhaps it was the reason she had been brought here.

"Kanna…the piece of Naraku that remains in you - the scent that was his, the aura - I can take it away."

There was suddenly an undeniable gleam in Kanna's eyes, and Kagome spoke hurriedly.

"I cannot promise that it will not hurt, Kanna, I don't know what it will do to you-"

"Anything…you can do, Kagome-sama."

Kagome took a deep breath, reached out, and took Kanna's hands. A white light filled the clearing, radiating from the point at which Kagome touched the girl. She reached inward, inward, drawing out the power, and then leaned it into Kanna like a sword. She felt a black push that once had been familiar almost instantly, felt the old nausea and then the rush of memories, like the nightmare come to life. It was the most agonizing feeling in the world. Only watching them die the first time had been more painful.

_Ah, Naraku…in all the world, you remain only here, but you cannot stay. It is time to let go, time to go. The long night of your soul is waiting._

She _fought_, pushed with all her strength against the material presence of her old enemy... and it was easier to vanquish than a bad dream. For a moment, the world was eclipsed in light.

Slowly, the glare faded. Kanna looked at her own hands in wonder - and Kagome saw it, the wonder on her face, the awe.

"I feel…changes. Thank you…Kagome."

"I am glad I could help."

There was a new gleam in Kanna's black eyes, a refreshed presence that looked out and smiled. Shippou's music had paused, but now it resumed. Low notes like a waterfall, like night rain, slid over their ears, and Kagome walked away down the long path, breathing deeply, trying not to shake, to fall apart.

The touch of Naraku had reminded her of the touch of guilt. She did not belong here; happiness would come here, and it was not for her. Quickly, while her mind was made up, she went back inside the house. An hour passed, and then she slipped outside again. From the garden, there came the sound of lute and koto. A smile ached on her face, and then she stole away.

* * *

A/N: Phew! And...I may actually do one more before I collapse from exhaustion. Why not? I want to know what's going to happen too!

Revisions – done! And onward!


	17. Chapter 17

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part IX**

**Night of No Moon: Sesshomaru**

* * *

A deep fog of clouds hid the sky, turned the last, fingernail crescent of the moon to the palest silver glow. The ground under his feet had already begun to turn hard, and only a few bedraggled leaves hung on dry branches, waiting for snow. When he finally spoke, it was very softly, but it didn't matter; the wind blew everything into whispers.

"Rin."

A hot, swollen lump of pain rose from his chest to his throat and stayed there. His eyes burned.

"I have brought the miko – I have brought Kagome home. She is not the same, just as I am not the same, but I cannot understand why. You loved her best, and she is still kind. She is…soft. I think…it is good, to have her near."

Like an echo of something outlined in sunlight, he heard the laugh, saw the smile that he had missed.

_For too long, there has been only blood. Thank you…Kagome._

"I do not know what it is that hurts her, but perhaps she is guilty because she could not protect her companions. Perhaps…vengeance is not enough for her?"

_Would it have been enough for me?_

He turned his head to one side, contemplating this.

"I must find the reason why the pain is less when I am touching her, even if I cannot find the reason for the pain."

He took a step backwards; his fingers clutched the edge of the stone that was her tiny tomb.

_You died, and that is the cause, but the source…_

The source defied him, lurking in a place he would not touch, and he stared through the gathering darkness, keeping Rin company, guarding the sweet wine he had poured for her, the little cakes.

Tonight he would leave for home, and perhaps Kagome would tell him why.

* * *

In the early darkness of the third day, in the last moments of his promise, he came back, and Kagome was not at the door to greet him. Her scent was still warm in the hallways, but she was not in her room; the house was silent, still, but she was not in the garden. His panic, the promise of his rage, was enormous. It called out the hidden witnesses to his tragedy, and made them strand straight, their eyes averted from his face.

"Where is she? Where? Tell me – "

"We do not know, Sesshomaru-sama. Yesterday, she filled me with light, and then Naraku was gone…and then she was gone. Like morning dew. She did not say anything."

Kanna's words were soft enough to cut through Sesshomaru's anger. He thought that it might have been the longest speech he had ever heard her make.

"And you, Shippou?"

A sharp-fanged Kitsune face full of snarl stared at him, almost as angry, almost as distressed as his own.

"I played for them in the winter garden. There was light, white, then violet. The smell of Kagome's power, and then she came into the house. I stayed, and played – for Kanna."

Pure, white fear was numbing Sesshomaru's fingers, dulling his vision. She was his cure, his memory, his Kagome. Didn't she know that?

_Does she know, and not wish it? Does she still want only - Inuyasha?_

He had not thought this thought before. It filled him with pains sharper than blades and hotter than lightning. He wanted to hold his brother by the throat and tear the life out of him.

_He is dead._

His face was liquid with emotion as he thought these things, and he did not know it. Shippou and Kanna watched him and were suddenly afraid.

"I am going to find her and bring her back. You – Shippou – make sure you stay."

He saw the protest forming, cut it short.

"You must protect Kanna, guard the house, and wait. If she comes back, you must be here. You must tell her…I came back, today."

He smiled. Shippou shuddered, a long, back-tingling chill.

"She was afraid I would not come back. She should be _here_ - she should be waiting."

Sesshomaru turned on his heel and left them.

Behind him, Kanna stroked Shippou's arm with gentle fingers, and he turned to her.

"Your scent has changed, Kanna."

He watched her face.

"I am sorry that I was so cruel."

She shook her head.

"You were not cruel, Shippou, but…I could not say you were kind, either."

She smiled. It was not something he had ever expected to see. She was pretty when she smiled. He noticed that she did not pull away, that her hands remained on his arm. He wondered what it was she wanted from him, really.

"Then I am sorry I was not - nice."

He pulled her after him, and lit the lamps in the music room, pulled the cover from his koto, her lute.

"Play your new feelings for me, Kanna."

Her eyes were wild with shadows in the sparking lamplight.

"I will play you an _old_ feeling. But then, what will you play?"

* * *

Sesshomaru darted into the windless night like a black spear. It took him two hours to find Kagome's scent, and then he followed it along the side of a stream and across a narrow strip of grass that waved in the air like impossibly thin fingers, grasping at his legs.

On the grass, there was wind, cold and thieving. It stole the breath from his lungs and did not allow the feeling to return to his fingers. He found his fangs aching to hold her throat, feel her yield, make her submit.

If she told him in these ways that she was his, he would not need to think thoughts of lightning pain. Dark trees reached out at him with dry, crackling branches and long needles that caught the trailing strands of his hair. He moved through them carefully, and then the scent became warm, a presence instead of a lure. He slowed his footsteps, and blinked up at the sky.

There was no moon overhead; the last hints of the crescent had faded the night before. The warm scent was leading him to a circle of starlight in a circle of trees, and…she was there, standing, staring up at the sky. Quick footsteps brought him near enough to touch her; he was afraid she would step away, afraid she would run. Now that he was near her again he was angry, so angry - did she think he had lied to her? Did she think he had not meant it, that he had not planned to come back? Why would she think that?

As he approached her he saw that she knew it was him, even before she turned to look at him. There could be no one else with such a presence, no one else with such depths.

"Sesshomaru."

The sound of his name in her voice broke open something raw and loose, something that had been waiting. Roughly, cutting her hands, he grabbed her fingers and pulled them up, pressed her palms flat against his chest.

"When I returned I could not tell if my heart was still beating. Tell me, Kagome."

Her voice was small.

"It is - it is still beating, Sesshomaru! You know that."

He shook his head slowly, insisting.

"No. I could not tell. There is a name in my thoughts that burns my beating heart when I think it, Kagome. There is a name that is full of heat when I speak it."

He took the last step that separated them and let go of her hands, but her fingers tightened in his haori and she did not move.

"_Kagome_."

She had begun to tremble; her fingers, her shoulders, the light in her eyes.

"I went walking through the western gardens, and the flowers had no color, and the sound of the stream was dull and flat. I went into the house, and the rooms were silent, and the halls were dark. In the south wing, the robes of a lady are waiting. Kanna still does not smile; Shippou will never laugh again."

Kagome did not move, did not speak.

"You must come back, Kagome. This…is wrong."

_This_ was Kagome, running away, Kagome, being swallowed by the wilderness, by the wide world, by the unknown. _This_ was the dark weight that had settled in Sesshomaru's chest, many words that he could not speak but whose _feeling_ came at him sharply, held him down, could not be avoided. It was the net of a Hunter greater than he; he had seen it coming.

He was dragged back into focus by the smell of salt; Kagome's breath was out of time.

"You are crying? I do not like you crying."

The faintest hiccup of a laugh strained over her tears, and she shook her head fiercely.

"You are not supposed to care. You…cannot care!"

As though she had shot an arrow into him, he staggered. She was still speaking, her words a stream of pains that he had suspected behind the sadness and the smiles. He did not hear her – his ears were full of a roar like the tide coming in.

_What is the way to tell her?_

It was as though the thought had been waiting for him to want it. The hands that had rested on her shoulders turned her. Before he could stop to think, he pulled her close, wrapped her in strength that could not be denied, in terrible heat. Her face turned up, her eyes piercing, questioning through the anger as he knew they would, and he bent, and kissed her.

It was barely a touch, his lips as faint as a breath of mist against her lips. Her tears dried as suddenly as they had begun; her shaking stopped. His tongue brushed across her bottom lip, and then he pulled away.

"You _dare_ say I cannot care? Kagome - come with me."

As though it were decided, as though it had not begun as a plea, he said it – 'Come with me'. Grey light spilled out of the sky, the starlight distorted, and tumbled over the branches of sleeping trees, leafless. Kagome stood still for a long moment, tasting his kiss, and then took the hand he offered her, and followed.

She remembered the terrible loneliness that had filled her, three long days of waiting, sure that he would not return. She thought of Sesshomaru alone, standing on the bridge in the western garden.

Suddenly, she could not remember why she had left.

* * *

A/N: And now, I really must sleep. It is - 5:43 am, and that is _ridiculous_. Even saying that, though...oh well. Please Review!

Revisions completed! Strangely enough, it is 5:43 pm right now.

Hmmm....


	18. Chapter 18

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part IX**

**Night of No Moon: Kagome**

**

* * *

**Her rooms were waiting for her as though nothing had happened, and nothing changed. On the night of the next new moon, Sesshomaru asked her to meet him in the garden, and they stood on the little bridge over the shallow stream and watched the stars shimmer darkly in the water, while everything was draped in the shadow of the moonless night.

"Tell me, Kagome…"

His voice was heavy in the silence, tightening her senses with apprehension.

"Tell me…what is the reason my pain is less when I am near you? What is the reason for my pain?"

Kagome's eyes drifted up to meet his gaze. She had been waiting for these words, that question, since the night she had remembered - the night she had realized his pain. It had taken him a long time to ask it...a long time.

"Because you were lonely."

He took a step away from her, towards the silence that covered the garden like mist.

"Lonely?"

He spat the word off his tongue like bitter acid.

"You were always lonely, until you had Rin. She was the one thing you had, the only one you cared for."

He was shaking his head, taking steps away from her; his hands were no longer on her skin, but she did not stop.

"When she was taken from you, it destroyed you – it is still destroying you."

Her eyes were burning him. He could not move to deny her words; the whole world was spinning. The sound of that name struck him silent, held him still, and still Kagome did not stop. Her words cut into him, sharper than knives.

"You loved her, Sesshomaru. Like your own daughter. And she is gone."

He swayed, as though her words had a physical impact.

"She is gone."

He was shaking all over, legs and growl and fingers and face. She had never expected to see him this way, would never have believed it possible. He was still Sesshomaru, but he was broken; his eyes were wild with grief. Without a sound, he dropped to his knees on the cold ground, and bowed his head. She could not see his face, his eyes; his voice was not his voice.

"Yes. It is true."

The heaviness in his words became thickness. She took one step forward, and then sank to her knees in front of him and pulled him close. It was impossible; it could not be happening, so it was fine, wasn't it?

Hungry, his hands, his arms wrapped around her and held tightly to her offered flesh. Slow and intent, he breathed the scent of her skin, the scent of her hair, and it was still not enough, not - right. She was too much smaller than he was. With two swift motions, he tumbled her and drew her up into his lap. Her cheeks fumbled with redness, and her hands slid over his fingers, pressing. He touched his lips to her neck and spoke against her pulse. His voice was still ragged, still raw, but it was his again; his fingers were tight against her skin.

"You must stay here. You cannot go."

* * *

The habit of the long nights bordering winter became easy for all of them when Kanna took to playing for them behind her favorite screen. The change in her was bright and obvious, her eyes lively with dancing emotion, her wit quick and sharp. Sesshomaru had taken only a moment to approve the sudden prettiness of her smile; Shippou was warmer now, but did not completely understand.

_This_ night, Kanna played a sad song, one of her favorites, telling the tale of a spirit maiden saved by the coat of her lover from washing away in the rain. The lover of the maiden sickened and died, suffering from illness caused by the cold rain he had braved for her.

The lute sighed and wailed the lament of the maiden, and into the silence of the last few, dying notes, Kagome spoke lowly, waking old ghosts. Her eyes made slashes in her face that neither male could interpret.

"Sometimes, I remembered you, Sesshomaru. At the beginning…when I still stayed in the village. Sometimes I stood at the graves, and wondered why Tetsusaiga was still there."

She held up a hand to stop him even as he made to speak.

"You do not need to tell me, now. I already know."

Two halves of a smile that did not match flowed over her face.

"It was…not your sword."

Shippou did not like the silence of voices and speaking of eyes that passed between them, and broke it open.

"Where did you go after you left the village, Kagome?"

Sesshomaru's stabbing glance told Shippou that his challenge was understood, and interpreted, and that battle was joined. Shippou smiled to himself, remembering, and then softened that smile just a little, for Kagome.

"I traveled north, mostly. East, west, everywhere…but never south. I have not been back to the village since the day I heard word that they were beginning to build a shrine near the well."

A dull expression of horror commingled with confusion on her face.

"Can you imagine? The shrine I grew up in, being built because of me? As a shrine…to me? For me? I never did know which."

Sesshomaru was watching her; his eyes were dark.

"Tomorrow, Kagome, the moon is full. Come out to the garden, at the third hour after moonrise."

He rose, and left the room. She stared after him, knowing she would go, knowing she wanted to be close to him, knowing…she did not know why.

* * *

Sesshomaru came out to the silent garden, and expected to wait for her. Instead, he saw her standing on the little bridge, her hands wrapped around the railing and her eyes pointed down at the cold flow of the stream, slow now in the freezing night. Soon it would not move at all. Soundless, he approached her, and stood close, waiting for her to turn. She didn't.

"I'm sorry, Sesshomaru. I came early of my own will; I was not trying to catch you out."

He did not really understand what she meant, but it didn't matter. He had not been sure she would even come. His suspicions were often precise, but Kagome was…unpredictable.

"Kagome."

He seemed content with the utterance of her name, and a comfortable silence wrapped around them. She was used to it now, this desire of his to be close to her, and she did not usually push with questions, but he had been so specific that she was curious.

"Did you ask me to come out here for a reason, Sesshomaru?"

His eyes looked down and across at her, and she was sorry for a moment that she had asked.

"Do you really want the answer to that question?"

Something that had lurked in the back of his voice stroked her, teasing with heat.

"I…_yes_."

He turned, and pulled her hands off the rail, and into his hands, through them. His fingers slid up her arms and onto her shoulders, pulled her close to him. His mouth found her mouth, his teeth pulling gently and then not so gently on her lips, his tongue sliding over, soothing. When her eyes drifted closed, and her hands crept up to tighten in his hair, he pulled away, and stood silent by the railing where she had first been standing.

Shaken, Kagome touched the fingers of one hand to her lips and clutched the railing in her other hand.

"That…is why? To - kiss me?"

She could barely even whisper it, felt the flush crawl over her skin and was grateful for the concealing darkness. Sesshomaru growled, a long, low sound. When he looked at her, his eyes were luminous, searching, hungry.

"No."

The one word was full of many things. Ideas crowded her head, the thoughts and sounds of two bodies in darkness. Desire reared its head in her, a demon of her own. While she thought those thoughts, she could not look at him.

"Sesshomaru…"

She looked up, and he was looking down at her, and the expression in his eyes had not changed.

"It is cold, Sesshomaru."

He took her hands, and pulled her close. He was always warm; the cold did not touch him, the wind did not bite.

"You should be inside."

* * *

A/N: Ah, we're getting close now. I couldn't help it...but now it's after six and I really must go to sleep. I = stay up all night writing this. You = Review!

Revisions, complete! Going forth to part X!


	19. Chapter 19

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part X**

**Unmentionable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

By the time the moon had waned to a shining half, the ground was papered with a thin, crunchy layer of snow. It was gritty, powdery snow; it lay like thin sheets of the finest gauze, wandering and whispering in the wind.

Sesshomaru had returned to his old routines; there were visitors he could not ignore, the humans who did his work for him in those places where youkai could not - and the youkai who followed him, obeyed him, youkai he had not seen in a hundred years. The humans, he gave orders to from behind screens; the youkai, he met in the cold wind. It helped him - the cold. It reminded him of what they expected, what was required of him. He was careful, very careful - but not careful enough.

There were whispers among his visitors now, whispers behind hands, whispers in dark eyes that did not reflect. Those eyes had seen the trailing robes of a lady, smelled a softer perfume, a female scent. Nothing was said; these few, who he almost trusted, knew better than that. Out of sight and in shadows, they had been waiting for him; now that he had summoned them the overwhelming force of his presence restored their faith. Rumors that had circulated among the mighty were revoked.

The Inu no Taisho is returned, the new whispers said. There is no weakness in him - only power. Sesshomaru heard the rumors and smiled a terrible smile. Power - yes. He could feel it in his blood again, the dark and primal urge. Faint, compared to what it once had been...but for so long, there had been nothing. Rumor and its workings pleased him.

Of the woman who had come to be at his side, there was as yet no mention.

_Kagome_.

His danger was growing now, each day, each night, each hour. He did not care.

In the glowing sun and in the darkness, he had been forced to admit it - the thing that he still could not say, the bitter truth.

_I - desire her_.

In the thought, he heard, faintly, the sound of his own death. In the silence of his own rooms, alone with that thought and the doom it brought, he bared his fangs, growled. Was this the feeling that had killed his father - this strangling web, this...want? Just the act of touching her was a mild pleasure; it ran over his skin like electricity. He was unable to deny that he wanted more than the mere touching of her; he wanted the full sensation of softness, the scent of her embedded in his every moment.

He did not know what to do with his desire. It was...an impossible thing. He reminded himself of her nature, that she was miko - that she was human. When that was not enough he reminded himself of the most terrible truth.

_She belonged to Inuyasha. Inuyasha - Inuyasha - _

In that moment, his eyes dark, feral, his soul pushing at the boundaries of the shape he had imposed on it, he found himself at the edge of a full, consuming rage. Moment by moment, he backed down, away, trying to lighten the internal pressure. It was not enough; there was only one cure for the darkness, one salve for his pain. He knew that, and ignored it, tried to concentrate on anything else, anything -

His eyes, darting around his room, lit on the screen in the corner. For a moment, he could not remember where it had come from; it was almost folded shut, the painting barely visible. From where he was sitting he could see a faint glitter of gold -

_The flower screen. _

He could see it now in his head, without moving, without opening it - two panels, painted richly in gold and green with a hundred autumn flowers between painted leaves. He had only seen it twice, had not examined it especially carefully, but the details were etched into his brain - every flower, every petal, every line. Now, he remembered.

He had commissioned it for _her_ - for Rin. He had meant it as a gift, something new; every once in a while, he had done such things for her and been rewarded by her smile, the wide, beaming expression. It had been brought to him when the paint was barely dry; he had put it in her room, to surprise her...but that day, she had left, following him, and she had never come home again. She had never seen it. When he had come back, bearing the kitsune, followed by Kanna - when he had returned, he had sat for hours, dull-eyed, blood-drenched, staring. The smell of her blood - that alone had almost killed him. How had he not known, not guessed, what had almost defeated him?

Sesshomaru shook his head, as if that alone could dispel the nightmare. Over the black memories came an overlay of green and gold; he heard, infinitely soft, her remembered laughter. Suddenly there were hot hands restraining the movement of his lungs; his heart beat thick and painfully. He could see it all now, every moment from the first to the last, the smiles and the silences, the laughter and the blood. Kagome's voice echoed in his head.

_Like your own daughter - _

He tried to take a deep breath.

_She is gone._

Another breath. For so long, he had been tortured by Rin, by the loss of her - and now he was tormented by Kagome. Which was worse - which brought more pain, more weakness? Which was more dangerous, grief or desire?

_With her or without her - _

Suddenly he had to find her - to tell her - to know -

* * *

Kagome was standing quietly in the garden; Sesshomaru followed her footprints in the new snow and found her on the zigzag bridge, her face downcast, her eyes focused on an unknown reflection in the frozen stream. He was surprised; the air was frigid, the night sky black with chill. The edges of the moon stood out in stark outline, and the light brought out blue highlights in her hair, cast pale shadows on the ground. He knew she was aware of him even if she didn't turn, didn't speak, but he had come to find her for a reason and that reason required more of her than just _awareness_.

"Kagome."

She turned to the sound of her name, and he was immediately calmed by her smile, welcoming his presence, inviting him closer. Suddenly he had a vision of her as he had seen her at the human festival - her face so soft, her gaze hesitant, her hand reaching out to him - he blinked, and she was there in front of him just like she was in his thoughts, her fingers outstretched, reaching for him.

Admitting nothing, at war with himself, he took ten steps forward and ignored her offered hand. His arms turned her in towards himself, wrapped around her and tightened. He found that, suddenly, he could breathe again.

"I wanted to thank you, Kagome. For giving me back the whole memory of Rin, for giving me…a reason. Even if I did not want to believe you."

It was not what he had meant to say, but what he had meant to say was -

_Silence. Silence!_

What he had meant to say -

"It was my penance, don't you see? My penance for being a demon."

- he could not say.

He smiled suddenly, dark, wild, all fangs. The Inu glimmered in his features.

"But _she_ should not have paid! She…my…Rin."

Kagome closed her hands around his hands, one at her shoulder and one at her waist. He felt himself fading. The bright amber light of his eyes glinted lowly, like dull gold.

"I will tell you something about Rin, Sesshomaru - if you will let me."

He stayed silent, breathing her, and she took his silence for acquiescence.

"I had - a friend. A priest, a Buddhist monk."

She stopped to take a breath, deep, full of shudders. Sesshomaru's eyes flashed backwards, and he saw a man in dark robes wielding wind, wind from nowhere, wind that had failed.

_That one - I remember, that one._

He stayed silent, waiting to hear what she would say.

"Miroku told me that one who suffers greatly through acts of goodwill, one who makes great sacrifices, does not need many lifetimes of trial to reach bliss. Such a person gains freedom, escape from the wheel, the cycle of lives and deaths. You gave that to her, Sesshomaru."

He stared at her, eyes wide.

_I? I gave - to Rin? _

"No. I could not protect her -"

"Sesshomaru!"

She dared to interrupt him, and he fell silent.

"You gave her back her life, Sesshomaru; I know what Kouga's wolves did to her. You gave her this place, and your compassion - you, who did not know the meaning of the word. You made her _happy_, Sesshomaru, in that gift of time that you gave her; there was _nothing_ she wanted that you did not give. I don't have to have seen it all to know - you show me, with this house, these gardens...but she would be unhappy, Sesshomaru - ashamed, even - to see you now."

_That _gave his eyes a red flush, but there was no stopping her words, their implacable rush. It was the second time she had done this him; he did not understand _how_.

"You - you _dare_ - "

When he had first brought her here, she would have backed away from that tone, from the snarl rising up in his throat. His fingers had grown so tight on her shoulders that the scent of her blood was bright and burning in the air from where his claws had cut into her flesh - but she stood still, staring downward into star-reflections in the ice.

"Yes! What do you think she would say if she saw you now - your Rin? You were invulnerable, invincible, her savior; you were her _Sesshomaru-sama_. And now?"

He froze.

_And now?_

It bothered him more than he had thought possible - that he did not know the answer to that question. He could see in her face that she was aware of his uncertainty, but also something else; he became aware then that even in his anger, he had not stepped away from her. Carefully, he lifted his fingers from her shoulders.

_She would not even suspect that I might not pull away, that I might…pull closer._

He stopped his hands in the first moments of a violent grasp; Kagome felt his fingers twitch on her skin, but that was all. Suddenly tense, every moment crystal sharp, Sesshomaru took a step back and released his hold on her. Her eyes held a question in them that he could not afford to answer or consider; he spoke to distract her and keep it from moving from her eyes to her lips.

"Now, you are returning me to who I was. Now, you help me fulfill the promise that was broken."

He took another step back, and saw that her hands were reaching out for him.

"You should go inside, Kagome. It is too cold out here, for you."

"It was not too cold...when you were touching me."

She took a step forward and smiled up at him, reached out and lay her hand on his chest. He could not avoid her, did not want to; how dangerous that was!

"But I will leave you alone."

He watched her walk away, a rustle of silk and swaying hips. The bound tail of her hair swung enticingly at the small of her back.

"Kagome – "

He stopped, even while she was turning back to look at him.

_I cannot. _

"Warm yourself; wait for me. I will tend to your cuts -"

He intended to apologize, but she did not allow it.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru."

Silently, he stared into himself and tried to cut apart the thing that had made him stop her, the thing that had almost made him ask her to…what?

He closed his eyes to block out the sight of her retreating across the narrow bridge. A soft vision of her, pale skin tumbled across the dark furs of his bed, filled the black space where his vision had been. He caught himself on the edge of a red-eyed pant, desiring suddenly to breathe the orange blossom scent of her hair from his own pillows.

A long shudder fled through his body and he stood still, staring at the dark shadows in the garden, beyond which she had disappeared.

_Careful. I must be careful. _

* * *

A/N: Ahh, my shift key is replaced how happy I am. Silly laptop. And, at the same time, I have accomplished posting this despite....38 hours of wakefulness! woo! (hopefully there aren't any really horrendous textual errors, hafta check that tomorrow...) Anyway, time for sleep, and then more! Since I have to sleep, I made this chapter longer...and also, a tiny preview! TINY!

Coming Soon To This Fic: _He heard her, her footsteps, her breath, her rapid heartbeat; he heard her approach, saw the shadow of her fingers approaching his door, and froze. If - she - _

Mwaha. Now Review! Please?

Revisions, complete! Onward....!


	20. Chapter 20

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part X**

**Unmentionable: Kagome**

* * *

As she was walking inside, Kagome heard the sound of strings falter and die; only the koto, a solo serenade, had been playing tonight. Quietly, hoping to surprise Shippou, Kagome went to stand outside the door of the music room. He wouldn't be able to avoid her - even if it was her own fault. Could he stay in that room all night, making her wait here?

_I will do it, if I have to. He has to know - _

She had been thinking; she had been forced to it, not by her own trouble but by Sesshomaru's; not by the memory of the tragedy that had brought her to this moment, but by the thought of the tragedy that had brought _him_ to this moment. In the process, she had realized her own cruelty, her own fault; in the moment she had denounced him, revealed him to himself, she had felt a deep, irrepressible quiver of guilt.

What she was saying to him, Shippou had said to her - only she had not taken it for what it was, she had...she had...

The echo of a slap, her own rage, came back at her too strongly, and she closed her eyes.

Since the night of the festival, she had not spent time with Shippou, even though she had promised him that when she was settled, they would talk - that they could share the hundred years between them. There had been eagerness in his expression, so many things that he wanted to tell her all floating just beneath the darkness. When she had first come here, when he had found her, he had smiled with the smile of the kit she had known. Now - he did not smile at all.

_I have been a fool_.

Her guilt - she had been carrying it for a hundred years like a precious burden...as if, somehow, to let that go would make it so that their sacrifice was worthless.

_Such a fool_.

She should have known from the beginning that it was wrong, what she was doing - that it was the last thing, the absolute last thing any of them would have wanted. She had been haunted and tormented, burned, tortured; the nightmare had been unrelenting, and all for nothing.

_Nothing_.

The look on Sesshomaru's face, that terrible, vicious regret - she could imagine it on her own features, and it was a terrible expression; she could hear Shippou's words, and her own words, and even now, months after the fact, they made her wince.

"_You are not living! You've become like Kikyou; living but dead!"_

_"You will not compare me to her! You will not!_"

His words...they had been terrible, but not deadly as hers; he had not deserved to have his hope slaughtered because _she _could not move past the name of the dead.

_Kikyou_.

Even thinking it, even _now_, she felt a pang of darkness, of bitterness. Until violence had rolled her world over, that name had been the only thing capable of bringing bitterness to the surface in her; the only thing capable of invoking true anger, true rage, in the midst of the light which was her general being. In her loneliness, in the days when she had been bound to little villages and human lives, she had bent beneath the weight of that name, and the tragedy it brought to her. Slowly, inexorably, she had become the dull-eyed miko of her memory; she had lost Kagome to Kikyou, to the same, defeatist guilt that had destroyed her soul in that other life which was not hers. Shippou had been right, utterly, totally, horribly right - which was why she had hurt him, purposefully, angrily -

_It was wrong. I'm a terrible person, terrible, I - _

Shippou chose that moment to open the door and step out into the hallway, and she looked at him with eyes that snapped open to reveal thick, hovering tears.

"Kagome? Kagome, you -"

His nose picked up on the scent of blood; his eyes traveled over her body and stopped at her arms; the marks of claws were easily visible through the torn silk; she was still bleeding, her body giving up the fresh wet stain. Immediately, jumping to conclusions, he moved as if to run past her, hot with anger. She hiccuped, misunderstanding, and reached out to stop him, the tears spilling over out of her control.

"Shippou - Shippou - don't, please, I didn't mean it - "

"Kagome?"

There was still fire in his face but it was fading as she clung to him; her confusion was not the same thing as her terror. His intentions had been momentarily full of violence; the smell of Sesshomaru's claws was in her wounds, in her blood - and if he had hurt her -

"Kagome, is something wrong?"

He felt her take a deep, shuddering breath, and then sigh. Her voice was ragged, disrupted now and again by a heavy breath, but as she spoke he felt the cold, quiet darkness that had been building itself inside of him fall apart, disassembling itself brick by brick.

"I am...so sorry, Shippou. For everything, everything.... I - should never have - "

He knew then what she was talking about, and for the first time since that night, he smiled at her, the smile she remembered. It eased the iron band around her chest, made her breathing easier.

"Kagome, it was my fault. I was an idiot - "

She shook her head violently.

"No - Shippou - "

"Yes! Yes, Kagome."

His vehemence silenced her.

"I knew exactly what I was doing when I said...those things...but you weren't ready to hear it. I was...I was overexcited, I guess, happy to have you back - but then Sesshomaru was right, and I wasn't listening. You weren't the same person that you used to be, and I wanted you to be - I wanted...so much for you to be happy again, too. But - I was wrong, to -"

Kagome shook her head.

"That's still no excuse, Shippou. I - I _hit_ you."

He laughed at that, and her eyes darted up towards his face, surprised.

"Yeah, well - that wasn't _too_ bad, actually. I was...just surprised. You were always so angry with Inuyasha when he would go after me-"

She smiled, just a little, through her tears.

"How could I not? You were so small, and he was such an idiot sometimes..."

"Exactly! It must have rubbed off on me some, that's all. It was stupid of me to think you would be the same, that you _could _be. Even if nothing had gone wrong except the time, even if no one had died, and it had just been waiting - it was still...a hundred years."

Somewhere in the middle of their commiseration, Kagome's back had slid down the wall, and he sat beside her now, let her lean against his shoulder. Her sniffling was almost silent; her eyes were red and swollen but dry, her cheeks damp with sticky salt.

"A hundred years. Yes. Shippou, I'm going to keep that promise I made you. If you....still want to talk to me."

Her reassurance was broken by a yawn, and he smiled.

"If that's what you want, Kagome. There isn't anything _I_ want more, not in the whole world."

"You...forgive me?"

Another yawn. He hesitated; really, she did not need to apologize for anything, but if she thought she did - if it made her feel better -

"Yes, Kagome. I forgive you."

They sat in silence for a while, and exhausted by her own feelings, Kagome fell asleep on the floor, leaning against his shoulder. After a while, Shippou lifted her carefully and brought her down the halls towards her own room; he met Sesshomaru in the hall, his hands full of linen, and it was only then that Shippou remembered the cuts in Kagome's shoulders, the blood.

"She has been crying."

Shippou said nothing; his hands tightened just the tiniest bit.

"Give her to me, Kitsune. She needs -"

"You hurt her, Sesshomaru-sama."

"What? I -"

His words were sharp; his eyes traced the tracks of tears on Kagome's face, the drops of blood that had stained her robes.

_It is _my _fault? _

But in Shippou's arms, Kagome turned, and then let out a shallow gasp of discomfort and stirred to wakefulness.

"Ow..."

Her eyes fluttered open.

"Shippou? Wha...put me down, Shippou, I can walk. You should've woken me..."

As he set her down, her eyes encountered dark silk, and followed it upwards - and then stopped.

"Sesshomaru! What...?"

He raised an eyebrow at her distress, held out his hands as if the rolls of bandages were an offering.

"Your arms, Kagome. They must be cared for."

"Ah...yes...."

Her eyes were moving back and forth between the two youkai, Shippou and Sesshomaru. There was something between them, something she felt like she had missed - something...tense. What was it? She had lost all fear of Sesshomaru since he had led her here, allowed her to make this place her home - but there was something of the old feeling of danger in him now, and she could not place its origin. She smiled over her shoulder at Shippou as Sesshomaru pulled her gently away; he grinned back at her, suddenly happier than he had been since he had found her, and she relaxed, decided that she had been imagining things. Shippou folded his arms, and stared at the back of Sesshomaru's head, spoke at him only when he had walked away far enough that he knew Kagome would not be able to hear.

"You heard me; you hurt her. Don't do it again, Sesshomaru-sama."

But despite himself, as he walked away he was still smiling. Her face - when she had looked back at him, her face -

_That was Kagome! That smile - I know it. It feels like I've been waiting forever, just to see it again. Kagome -_

He had almost given up hope, and now it was rising in him again, crimson and tender. He had lost so many years, years of smiles, years of growing, the years when he might have learned to call her _okaa-san _without feeling awkward.

He had never before been able to imagine a future for himself; he had not been interested, had not _wanted_ to look forward. And now - now -

Now he saw the coming years spread out before him like a broad, glowing path; like the line light makes on the ocean when the sun is setting, wide and glittering, beckoning with promise.

* * *

Alone in her own room, cuts bandaged, tears dried, Kagome readied herself for bed and then stared at her blankets as if they concealed a terror; in a way, she knew, they did. She felt lighter now, easier in her _self_...but the lack of other troubles focused her attention on the problem that had not changed, the greater difficulty.

_Sesshomaru_.

She found it difficult to think of him, and knew exactly what the difficulty was; in what seemed like another life, she had had troubles like these, but not as overwhelming, not as deep-rooted. She had _feelings_ for him, and they were feelings of a certain type, feelings that were difficult to think of. Strangely enough, the fact that it was Sesshomaru was not her difficulty - just the feelings themselves, just trying to overcome the guilt, the grief, was enough to disturb her.

A cold breeze darted through an open shutter somewhere, and down the long room to her bed. Moonlight showed silver highlights on the tall screens that partitioned the room, some folded against the walls, leaning. That day's robe hung over one of them, whitely embroidered with naked winter branches, shining silver river, snow, trees leafed with icicles, a stand of winter reeds. She stared at it, metallic threads catching the silver light and throwing it back. She could almost feel Sesshomaru's hands on her, peeling away the layers of silk, untying -

_I am wanting him, wanting Sesshomaru. What would Inuyasha think if he saw me now? Could he forgive me?_

But the thought did not hold the thunderous pain she expected; there was an echo, a ripple of pain, but the warmth was stronger. Shippou had restored their memory to her, all of it - not only Inuyasha, but Sango and Miroku...himself. What they had each wanted for her, what they would have wanted, she knew now. She had always known; she had been the one unable to forgive herself, not restless ghosts.

_He would scowl at me and tell me that it was a bad idea, and why. Inuyasha._

She smiled. For the first time, thinking of him, she could smile. The expression, however, was not enough to soothe her restlessness, and she stood, paced across the room, leafed through a silk-bound book. Her eyes were drawn to the smoothness of the inkstone, the soft darkness of her brush. She stood still for a moment; she had not touched her desk since she had come back after her aborted attempt at flight; the empty ink stone glittered in the moonlight, red tinted from her flickering candle. Carelessly, she reached out and tugged the fragment of paper from under the stone, saw her own words there, flushed at them as she re-read them...and then gasped, audibly.

There were more words in a different hand, not hers - a hand that made smooth strokes of the brush, thin, precise lines. She knew the hands that had drawn those characters - knew them, knew them -

_Read it. Read it, Kagome. _

Her eyes were slow to move, sluggish to respond to her instruction. When she had made them do what they were supposed to do, she felt the color rise to her cheeks, and then flee in confusion. What could he mean by it, saying such a thing? His words - his words were - they were -

_In my heart, brocades hidden by the darkness of the night;  
And my thoughts wander too, and think on the empty days.  
And you – can you write to say what you are thinking? _

It might have been as much as half an hour that she stood, her eyes closed, trying to turn her own thoughts into words.

_I have never been much of a poet. I have no idea…what I'm doing._

But the words, when they came, were exactly what she wanted. On soft feet, as quietly as she could but still more than loud enough for him to hear, she brought the folded paper to his room, the shut door, and hesitated. Her fingers floated over the edge of the door, and then retreated hastily. With swift, sudden movements, before she could change her mind, she lay the paper in front of the door and then retreated down the hall.

* * *

Sesshomaru heard her, her footsteps, her breath, her rapid heartbeat; he heard her approach, saw the shadow of her fingers approaching his door, and froze.

If - she -

He saw the shadow retreat, and heard the whisper of paper against the floor; her footsteps backed away from the door, gaining speed, and then disappeared.

* * *

Part ten, done! Part 11...probably in an hour or two! And also, kudos to baby_maggs - you totally anticipated this chapter! I really appreciate the review - if you caught that, it means you were really paying attention! (which is the best compliment you can give any writer, by the way!) Hopefully this meets your approval, and resolves shippou/kagome issues! Also thanks to JD, 1CarinoInu, GettinHotWithJC, and Pcebabe for your reviews! Me= typing even though I have a life waiting somewhere....You=Review! (please!)

Revisions...done! Woo! I don't have any more downloaded yet, so it might be a few hours til I get to part XI...but soon! Promise! :D


	21. Chapter 21

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XI**

**Inevitable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

Sesshomaru waited as long as he could; an hour - two. Every breeze, every stray gust of air tickled him with her scent, a depth in it that he was beginning to know very well. If she was awake, she was at her most dangerous - and if she was asleep, he suddenly found himself hoping that she was dreaming of _him_. If not, then who was it - who was it, stirring the embers of that fragrance? Abruptly, with a single, violent motion, he stood and slid the door aside.

A thin sheet of lavender paper had been laid carefully where he would see it at once, and he fought another war with himself, staring down at it, contemplating what it might say, what it might _not_ say. With a growl, he grabbed up the words she had left - so thin, one sheet, unfolded, so delicate - his fingers, trembling, almost tore the paper.

_Moonlight, the garment of the night;  
It lies over me, yet leaves me cold – and I wonder;  
but I do not expect you to understand._

Suddenly, there were only two directions in front of him, only two paths he could take. He could run, run until the winter had sapped the heat from his veins, until the snow froze his heart mid-beat - or he could go to her.

Down the long hallways, as if directed for his ears alone, he heard the sound of her breath, almost a sob, and the decision was made for him; his feet moved by themselves.

He stopped where he had always caught himself before; carefully, quietly, he slid her door open, and stood at her threshold, staring down the room towards her bed. He heard a rustle, a shift as she moved and her bedding moved with her; his eyes discerned the rise and fall of her covers with her breath.

He remembered what it was he had wanted to do to her, the thoughts that had sent him speeding through the corridors, and the thought of her white skin was enticing - his words had often claimed her and she did not reject them. Was she still human? Could he give her more than words, and not destroy himself utterly?

The moonlight had waned to a sliver, a fingernail crescent that was barely visible through her windows, shedding more shadows than light. She lay alone in her bed, her movements restless, and he knew then that she was not sleeping. Silent, he stood, poised - waiting. With terrible focus he saw her eyes open suddenly, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes followed her gaze; the smooth lines of the ceiling planks were invisible in the darkness.

If he had been able to see her thoughts, the new dreams that had begun to haunt her, he might have already been moving towards her; as it was, the rich heat of her aroused scent was hard enough to ignore. It was like hot, sweet syrup in the air; it tugged on him with invisible threads. She was wet with desire, tense with it; he could see it in her skin. He wanted to know what she was thinking, who had darkened the purity of his miko with such passion - but she was thinking, _Why? _

Why should it be Sesshomaru, of all people, who finally woke the sleeping desire of her flesh? It was not his tallness, the smooth sharpness of his features – perhaps it was the glow of his eyes. His touch attracted her, the firmness of his fingers, the way he had dragged his fangs across her throat so tenderly. She had no illusions about the demon in him. His youki was strong, a vital influence that reassured her, made her feel protected.

Sesshomaru took a startled step backwards, seeing these thoughts pass over her face and unsure of their origins. Abruptly, she threw off the cover; he saw her press the bottoms of her feet against the floor, but she did not stand. Coldness was seeping into her through the soles of her feet; he saw her shiver, but that was not enough to help her. Sesshomaru heard a frustrated sob, saw her turn back to her pillows, curl her body tight as if she could crush the desire out of herself, the want.

A long few moments snuck by, and Sesshomaru had still taken only that one step back. It was all he seemed to have been doing lately - moving backwards, away from her, away from the temptation that was her skin, her promise, her cure.

He took three steps forward and slid the screen shut behind him. Kagome did not hear the footsteps crossing her floor. They were too soundless - and then suddenly his hands surrounded her, slid over her skin, and a gasp darted out of her throat. She wanted to cry, maybe, or scream. Why him, now? How many tortures was the world capable of devising?

"I could hear you, Kagome. What is your pain?"

A laugh that was also a sob slid out of her.

"Maybe it is you, you who are my pain."

"_I_-"

The room was so thick with that arousing scent that he could smell nothing else; her eyes had disintegrated into black pools of want among the shadows of her bed. Gentle, not touching on his greater strength, he pulled her up. Sitting, she trembled, and the heat of her body was a taste in the air. The knowledge that he was the one she desired made his own desire that much harder to control; the bloody thoughts left him, became thoughts of soft flesh in tension.

_If I had known what was hurting her, would I have come?_

But he had known this would happen; he was youkai. Being finally tempted, he could not step away. With the first step he had taken into the room, he was already lost. Slowly, he bent and nipped at the curve of her ear.

Kagome moaned, a sound that told him more than he needed to know, and he let his mouth wander freely, tasting the skin of her neck, her throat. She was still swaying; with no effort, he pushed her back onto the bed and lay beside her.

The shift she slept in opened easily to his hands. Without a word, he touched her, knowing, and her eyes opened wide. His fingers flickered over her, found one place in the softness that lifted her hips from the bed when he touched her. Her hands crawled up his arm, tightening, and he pulled gently on the taut points of her nipples with his other hand. A new sound escaped her throat, something between a sigh and cry.

His fingers were slippery with wetness, slid over her and dipped inside of her, until her thighs started to shake, her toes pointed, her nails became like claws in his arm. Sesshomaru bent to kiss her, slid his tongue across her tongue and swallowed the long cry that broke out of her.

She was shattered under him, shaking in all directions at once, but he held her, and she grew quiet, and did not speak. There was a red stain under her skin, the hot flush of her pleasure. He wanted her so badly he could barely breathe, but _she_ was breathing more quietly, drowsy, the heat fading out of her scent. In that moment, he knew he wanted more than just to touch her, more than just the pleasure he knew her flesh could give him.

_What does that mean?_

Without a word, before it was too late, he stood, and paced down the length of the room and out.

* * *

In the morning, the first of a terrible set of events overrode his pleasant distraction with Kagome. Of those who served him, the few who were human had never been allowed in his presence. Shippou had Kitsune power, the ability to hide his shape and conceal his nature, but he himself had no such ability and the Kitsune was not...subtle enough to be allowed a casual impersonation.

There had been no problem; it had long been customary among humans for those of high noble and royal status to appear behind screens and curtains; his silhouette was imposing, but there was nothing specifically demonic about it.

Times, however, were changing.

If belief in the terror of youkai and mononoke was fading, then so were the old traditions that had kept that terror safe from discovery. Shippou had come, bringing the man who had been responsible for the history that Sesshomaru had destroyed; had it really been a year ago...another year?

Shippou had come...and this time the man was not content with his intermediary, not content with the lord who was hiding behind curtains and screens.

If it had not been for Kagome, Sesshomaru would never have done it - but his old nature was returning to him, the old instincts churning, and the idea of turning away from the challenge of this pitiful human made something inside him turn over in wrath.

"You wanted to see your lord, human? Here he is."

In the well-manicured courtyard that stood before the entrance to the main hall, Sesshomaru stepped out into the light, stood still on the path in front of the door. His eyes narrowed; his features were cool, his expression haughty, impassive. The man standing in front of him took a single step backwards, his mouth widening, opening in disbelief as an ancestral terror was suddenly restored.

"De-demon!"

A smile that had once promised terrible things promised them all again.

"I thought a miko had come to this house; the villagers said - "

Sesshomaru took one step forward, and the man turned and ran, falling in the dust, spraying words over his shoulders - as if those could hurt him!

"Just you wait - we won't allow youkai to live here! There's no _way_ the real lords will stand by -"

He was gone, disappearing into the trees. For a moment, Sesshomaru contemplated going after him, but the sun was moving up in the sky and it was almost time for him to go to Kagome, dress her; he thought of her in gauze, and smiled to himself as he walked inside. Shippou stopped him as he was passing over the threshold and gestured towards the trees.

"What about him?"

"You may kill him, if you like. I do not bother with humans who are not in my way."

He left Shippou standing in the corridor, his face folded in on itself in confusion.

* * *

A/N: Wow! much apologizings, it took a while for this to come together in my head, not sure why....I think I got too caught up in Bloodlust and Winds....why doesn't anyone read winds? read it, dammit! ahem. Shameless Plug. Anyway, coming soon: A real lemon, more angst, the beginning of the end of the angst, and...other things. Anyone who feels like Reviewing, I would appreciate input on whether I should post the alternate ending, as well as the one I decided on ultimately. Please Review!

Revisions = done! That took...less time than I thought! More...almost immediately, while I take advantage of wireless internet!


	22. Chapter 22

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XI**

**Inevitable: Kagome**

* * *

Kagome stepped into her morning bath and sat slowly. She was in a daze, had been in a daze. She could not convince herself that what had happened had been something real, not just another delirious dream. She washed herself without really paying attention, and then felt the water sting. Her fingers touched the tiny raised bumps of nicks and scratches on her softest flesh. Heat flushed her, remembering.

_Not just fingers – claws. Touching me…_

Wasn't it what she had wanted? Yes…and no. She slid under the water, wetting her hair. Her want had crystallized into a simple thing, and now, having gone so far, she could admit it to herself. What she wanted was his desire, for him to want her. How could you make Sesshomaru want you? She surfaced and stared across the surface of the water in her bath.

_There must be some desire in him, or he would not have touched me. And when he left – he only leaves like that when he is troubled…when he is feeling. I wonder - what does he feel, for me?_

She did not yet address what it was she might feel for him - not yet, not more than this desire, not more than just the passion between them, the sensual abruptness.

She stood up in her bath, and reached for the towel. He would come to her, soon; he had to. Dressing in the robes that he brought for her was impossible alone, and so it had become their little ritual. She would bathe, and dress in the short robe that was her undergarments, and he would come, carrying the heavy silk that he had chosen for her. She was glad he liked to pick them, dressing her in seasonal colors – the room of kimono had shelves of boxes that stood ten feet high.

When she stood ready in the middle of her dressing room, he came, and laid the robes across the rack which was placed for that purpose. The first robe was deep red, the least ornate but with beautiful sleeves, floaty, an airy gauze, and she only caught a glimpse of the others before he came close and started winding silk around her. He did not say anything and that was not unusual; he was not as careful not to touch her as he usually was, but that, she supposed, only made sense.

_How - what do I say - _

"Sesshomaru…"

His hands slowed, as if he was waiting to see what her words would be. She turned, while his arms were occupied with the folds of silk, and made the robe twist tight around her body. She saw it then - the flash of desire in his face, the sharpening, greedy look in the corners of his eyes, and knew that it did not matter what she said.

"Stop, Sesshomaru. I want...to go to bed."

He was only confused for a moment, and then she saw the realization creep across his features. Still, he teased her, pretended a lack of understanding.

"You just woke up, Kagome."

She stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips over his mouth. The silk he held in his fists was cut by his claws.

"I want - I want to go to bed with _you_. Sesshomaru - "

Anything else she had been planning to say was cut off by the sudden, crushing pressure of his mouth, a deep, hot kiss like he had given her the night before.

Quickly, easily, the single robe that he had begun to dress her in was unwrapped, unwound, unfolded. She shivered in her short, undyed robe, until his hands slid along the edge where it was tied shut, and did not stop to untie. Without exerting extra pressure, his claws slid over the thin silk, and cut it in half, and then his hands were on her skin. He lifted her easily, and took her nipples in his mouth while he walked with her, through one half-open screen to her bed. On it, she grabbed up the topmost blanket and drew it over her body. She stared at him, waiting.

With deliberate slowness, Sesshomaru peeled apart the layers of his clothes. She was waiting, watching, but he was not concerned with her eyes on him; he knew females wanted him, loved him, sought to understand his distance. He did not mean to intrigue them so, but it still happened often…there had even been a human woman, once, who had wanted him so much that the mere reminder of him had turned her into a demon. He did not understand it, but in this instance...

He intended to take advantage of it.

Kagome was licking her lips and did not know it, her hands tight and grasping on the cover around her. Without his haori, she could see the strength of him clearly, lean muscles defined down his shoulders, in his arms, his abdomen, his back. She liked to watch his back, the muscles moving so cleanly and then hidden by the silver swath of his hair.

Sesshomaru tossed his hakama into the same pile as his haori, and finally turned back to Kagome. She was staring at him, and the cover no longer hid her from his eyes. He tilted his head in the light, seeking her warmer curves. Her pupils were taut with memories of desire. With the surprise born of sheer speed, he toppled her, and tasted her. The heated scent of her body was beginning to hold his scent within it. Now, no one else would touch her.

_Never, never, never…_

Her nipples were dark points before his mouth found them, but she lifted herself to the slow pressure of his tongue. There was no longer hesitation in her, only the desires that sought him for fulfillment.

"Sesshomaru…"

It was the only word to leave her lips, a caress of breath that accompanied her wandering hands. Her eyes drifted shut, her mouth open for the rush of her lungs. It was suddenly he who was wanting her, and she felt the change - a wide door within opened, the inner demon seeking to be sated.

He reached for her, opened her, entered her; Kagome shook, her mouth a wide 'o', her fingers curled into his skin. To be inside her was to be delirious; a clear red haze covered everything, and he heard nothing but the cries, the moans he tore from her. He felt her closeness, the tightness gathering around him, in her legs, in her fingers. When it came she rocked with pleasure, couldn't move.

He felt wetness consume. His teeth sought the soft flesh of her breasts, pulling, sucking, biting; she matched him with her nails, her cries. He was youkai, and there was violence in his lust; she was…other. Light began to rise off her skin, licking at him like fire. It did not burn; he knew it would not.

He had touched her before.

He fell still then, taunting her with his control, his dominance, until she could not contain herself, and _she_ moved. He had not expected that; pressure began behind his eyes, crept down his nerves. When he was fully inside her he panted and howled and almost gave in; when she pulled away he forced himself to take a deep breath.

Kagome was beginning to clutch at him again, pulling her hands up over his shoulders and down to his hips, and he took over the rhythm between them, harshening it, speeding it. Her fingers were never still, always clutching as if she could hold on to whatever it was she was losing. She felt the change in his body, the sudden tautness of his thighs, the shake that began in his calves and ended in his teeth. It felt like he was growling, growling, howling into her skin; her legs reached up and wrapped around his waist, drew him closer so that he could not be deeper inside her.

Through half closed eyes, Kagome saw the light that was moving between them, but she did not understand where it was from.

Somehow, he pulled her close and fell on top of her at the same time. His lips found her ear, nipped gently, his hands stroking her back, buttocks, thighs. She lay still for a long time, breathing deeply. The long touch of his fingers, the tickle of his claws, was soothing.

"If you do that, I will fall asleep, Sessho…maru…"

She could not finish his name without yawning. She felt complete, unhurt, not…guilty. Why would that be? What had he done, loving her like that?

_Loving me like that - _

Her eyes drifted closed as she watched pale flakes of snow begin to fall outside the window, and her thoughts were soft, and she dozed.

Perhaps half an hour passed, and Sesshomaru did not move, looking down at her, breathing her. When she stirred, and blinked her eyes open in a ray of sunlight that had snuck onto her eyelids, he was still watching her, and she flushed under the intensity of his regard.

"You are awake, Kagome?"

"Yes…"

He rolled out of bed, and dressed swiftly. It made her wonder for a moment why it had taken him so long to _un_dress, and then she flushed. Sesshomaru lifted her, blanket and all, and bore her through the house to his own rooms, pushing screens aside with one hand. She had never entered these galleries, these chambers - almost, before...

When he reached his bed, his unrolled her from the blanket, and she fell into the center of a mattress that was really a pile of furs, and sprawled everywhere.

"Now you may go back to sleep."

A few feet from the end of the bed, there was a desk with only one drawer, and he sat and began to pull out paper and brush. She watched him for a few minutes, but her body still felt heavy, and she pulled one of the furs over herself and closed her eyes. She heard a rattling sound, like a heavy wind in the trees, and shivered a little, pulled the fur closer. She did not notice Sesshomaru stand and sweep suddenly out of the room; his eyes glimmered at her for a moment, as she blinked for the last time; the amber shimmer moved through her dreams, and warmed her.

* * *

A/N: In apology for taking for ever, two chapters close together! That's part 11, done...holy monkeys. Next, Part XII, in which a Shadow casts itself forward over our happy interlude...Please Review! It makes my fingers faster even though my house is cold for some reason.... Much thanks to Starlight Wild Koneko - I had wondered, actually, if the two-view thing was working out or just making people angry...so extra, extra thank you!

Revisions done! Continuing onward (like I said, I want to get these out of the way for the last half of the epilogue – last half! :( )


	23. Chapter 23

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XII**

**War Prayer: Sesshomaru**

* * *

The sound that had come to Kagome's ears as just a rustle breached Sesshomaru's hearing with a whisper of mistrust. It was soon - too soon - for the violence which he had expected from the moment he first touched her. Many things had changed, and more than many where humans were concerned…but for one of his stature, his power, to be enamored of a _human woman_…there would be repercussions. He had expected it; he almost welcomed it.

But - if there was to be danger to Kagome, if she were to be harmed - for that, he did not know if he would ever forgive himself. The thought of what Rin's death had done to him, how thoroughly it had destroyed him, still shook his memory; and what about his miko, his Kagome? What would losing _her_ do?

_Mating with a human woman, so dangerous - foolish. I remember...telling my father that. _

Preoccupied, he was still alert enough to noticed a telltale rustling in the trees near the edge of his garden while he stood alone in the winter sun; it was the same sound that had brought him outside, the sound of approaching footsteps with a demon lightness.

_Closer, now_.

Sesshomaru's eyes scanned the sky quickly, noted the position of the sun. His thoughts worked quickly, moved from point to point. This scent - he knew it. He also knew that it was far too early for his youkai servants to be moving about openly; this time of day was when human visitors were -

"Sesshomaru-sama."

There was a voice, only - he could not see the one speaking but the presence was obvious and came from almost directly in front of him.

"You are - Makoto. Why are you here?"

He sensed a certain level of surprise in the voice coming from the trees.

"Sesshomaru-sama, you don't know?"

_No - not _now _- not _yet _-_

"You are here - "

"For the woman."

"For my _mate_."

He said the word out loud for the first time, and it came out soft and hard, hot and cold at once. There was something like confusion on Makoto's face, or maybe just surprise.

_Did he think I would deny her? _

"Your - yes. Don't make the mistake of your father, Sesshomaru-sama. Kill her, or we will kill her. And you."

"She is my concern, Makoto. Not yours. I don't think..."

He remembered her fury, her rage - the miko light that had taken his power and burst with it into Naraku's death. It was a faint memory, but in his thoughts, he heard Shippou's words, almost smiled.

_"Like a star had fallen..."_

"I don't think you could handle her."

There was a shudder in the undergrowth, and his antagonist finally stepped forward into view.

"You think I am unable to take care of one human woman, Sesshomaru-sama? I, who will kill even you, if you continue to taint -"

"You, who will kill me? You? No, Makoto. You will only die; here, and now."

Despite his words, Sesshomaru half-expected this battle to be a challenge. He had spent a hundred years in his grief - deep in it - not fighting, not killing - but he had lost nothing and the changes those hundred years had wrought in his heart were devastating to his opponent.

Once, twice, a golden light flickered from his fingertips, not actually wounding, just a slap of power, like the sting of a whip across Makoto's cheeks. Blood pooled in the wounds, slipped down his jaw. A surge of power moved in Sesshomaru like a living thing, and he smiled, actually smiled to feel it, the return of something he had thought dead long before.

A smile on Sesshomaru's face meant horrible things.

"You have taken a human woman -"

Suddenly, Sesshomaru felt only a vague disgust for this...Makoto.

"I have Kagome, not a human."

He moved forward in a sudden rush, and closed his hand around Makoto's throat. It melted without effort in his hand. Distastefully, he flicked away the sizzling remnants of flesh that clung to his fingers, stared down at the body.

_Kagome should not see this. Kagome - _

He looked back at the house, and her drowsy scent calmed some of the frustration still lurking beneath his skin.

_I knew this would happen. Not so soon, but - _

And he frowned, and let his eyes scan the brush, widened his perusal of scents, sounds, auras.

_I wonder, how close are they? How long have they been watching me, waiting? _

The thought was in him that if these attackers had come even a year ago, he might have allowed them to kill him. Now -

_Now I am going to do the last thing they would expect._

Now, he was going to go out and find them, the ones who would challenge him, his power, his prowess, his _choice_.

Swiftly, his decision made, Sesshomaru strode back inside the house. He found Shippou in the music room, tense, hunched over, his face a dark mask. For a moment, Sesshomaru was forced to restrain another smile.

_Yes, Kitsune. She is mine now, all mine._

"Kitsune."

"Sesshomaru-sama."

There was a fine edge of control in Shippou's tone; it conveyed both defeat and anger.

"They've come, haven't they?"

Sesshomaru stood completely still, stared down at the top of Shippou's head. Perceptive, for him to recognize the danger that was coming, the danger he had tried to avoid.

"Yes. And no - only one, here. I am going to find them, whoever, wherever they are. I am going to _kill_ them."

He smiled as he said it, and Shippou looked up briefly, then turned away. It had been a long time since he had seen that deathly intent, that viciousness, spring to life in Sesshomaru's eyes, but there was something else that concerned him more.

"You want me to stay here."

"Yes. Protect Kagome; protect my mate."

For a moment Shippou was silent, absorbing the sound of that word. When he looked up again some of his anger had faded away.

"You...trust me?"

Sesshomaru's eyebrows lifted briefly in something that might have been surprise.

"Or you would not be here."

Their eyes met; understanding flashed between them.

"You are leaving now?"

Sesshomaru turned away, his movements quick again.

"Almost...now."

* * *

Outside his door, Sesshomaru listened to the rhythm of Kagome breathing, and when he was sure that she was still dozing he slid open the door and stepped inside. How, exactly, she could still be sleeping, he didn't quite understand, but at the moment, it was a blessing. Carefully, he sat in his chair, eyed her. His fingers picked up his brush carefully; he ground the ink slowly, so she would not hear and wake.

When he was through, he stared down at what he had written. The ink glistened in his words, clean black lines on thick, pale blue paper.

_For now, soft dreams; tears later, upon waking  
Because I know you, and because  
You understand. _

It was not much, but it was the best he could give her. If he woke her - he knew what would happen if he woke her.

She would ask to come with him, and he would be unable to say no, this time...because _she _would not allow it.

For another moment, quiet, contemplative, he looked down at the paper. He had not written for anyone but Kagome, ever – he remembered suddenly the man he had paid to write a history for him; the history he had burned.

Was he continuing that same story, now, or creating something new?

At the end of his bedroom was a tall cabinet, and he opened it slowly. Clothes he had not worn in a long time, armor that was unfamiliar now, stared back at him on its hooks, folded neatly on shelves. Kagome would remember him in these clothes – would they frighten her, or soothe her? His sword hung on the door. Slowly, he changed, and felt like he was returning to a self that had been lost for ages. When he was dressed again, he moved forward, stopped at the side of the bed, and stared down at Kagome.

His eyes were intense, burned her sleeping skin as he tried to burn this image, this vision of her, into his brain.

_Why? Why is that important?_

He could not think of a reason, and almost woke her despite himself, just to ask her. He knew that it was the sort of question she would have an answer for.

As if she could feel the pressure of his gaze, she rolled over, and blinked up at him, yawning.

"S'homaru?"

He paused for another moment, and then unwound the long fur that wrapped around him, a pelt of his father's. He tucked it into the curve of her body, over her shoulder and down her back, and bent to whisper in her ear.

"I cannot stay, and let them come to take you. Do not leave me again, Kagome. You know…I am coming back."

* * *

He had not stayed long enough for her to answer him, but the warm glow of her half-lidded gaze stayed with him as he ran out into the cold. He was aware of the ripping chill on his face, his hands, as he ran, following hints of old scents and the tracks left by newer passage, but the winter had no power over him. Slowly, as he passed across his lands, he began to encounter youkai who insisted on attempting to threaten him.

Sometimes he used his hands, and sometimes his blade, but they died, one after another. Some he left headless, heartless; others he melted into acidic ash. After the first two days, word began to spread that the Inu no Taisho was returned from his long solitude, and was not weakened. It was not quite enough, and Sesshomaru found himself growing tired of the same words, the same foolishness.

Exactly how foolish, he had yet to decide.

"You defile your blood with that miko! She should be your enemy!"

_So, she is no longer just _woman_._

The thought made him smile.

"She is Kagome. She is mine."

Despite the ease of his combat, the lack of challenge, he was exhilarated by the smell of blood, the rush of adrenaline that accompanied the sound of steel being drawn. It had been too long since he had been able to breathe, too long that he had let himself live on the edge of many moments, instead of at their center.

By the fourth day, he had decided that there was no opponent deserving of his attention.

"I have come to take your Kagome, if you are the one called Sesshomaru!"

Eyebrows lifting, fingers tightening, crackling with the will to kill, Sesshomaru did not even raise his voice.

"You call her by name."

That, he did not understand.

"I will take her; she is my -"

"You cannot take her. I would not let you…and neither would she."

Sesshomaru did not know this demon, but his power was greater than the others and his claws had a keener edge.

_Not enough_.

He exerted himself, and a splash of power coiled like a blue dragon around his foe and boiled him away into nothing. He panted, and turned away from the sparkling air. It was enough, for now. He would go home.

_Home. Mate, home._

The darker voice inside him was equally pleased. The vision that he had stolen for himself before he had left, the sight of her in his bed, tousled hair, naked skin, flickering eyes, drifted in front of his thoughts. As he ran, there was snow, but he ignored it; as he ran, there was a collapse in the aura and presence of every youkai that passed within range of his senses, and he smiled. Perhaps it might take a while, but they were learning...

Abruptly, his nose wrinkled, and all thoughts of pleasure left his mind. This scent - he had smelled it before, but this time, this time it gave him a cold shiver.

_Humans._

It was the scent of many humans, many men; the scent of horses, and old blood, and misused weapons; the scent of leather, and the scent of pain.

_War. Humans_, _going to war. Why? I had not -_

His thoughts jumped, leapt, fell. His human servants and spies had told him nothing of war coming to this region.

He heard suddenly, as if the man were standing right next to him, the voice of the human who had _seen_ him.

_"Just you wait - we won't allow youkai to live here! There's no way the real_ _lords will stand by -"_

For reasons he did not even want to contemplate, he saw his father's face suddenly in his thoughts, as it had been the last time they had spoken. He shook his head to dispel the image, focused every scrap of energy, of willpower, into his running feet.

_Kagome_.

* * *

A/N: And part 12 begins! much thanks to 1CarinoInu; reviews are awesome, and honestly, would I really complain cause you were reading it _twice_? That's just...really awesome! As far as the mate thing goes...ta-da! Really at this point its more just a question of acknowledgment; our beloved S'homaru has _quite_ thoroughly claimed Kagome, and his fighting in this chapter is a reflection of that. _She _doesn't really know...but she'll find out soon enough ,don't worry. Some of my favorite scenes of this whole fic coming up! But of course, as both Sesshomaru's father and Inuyasha learned, the only thing more dangerous to a demon than another demon....is humans. --- Foreshadowing!! ( wouldn't my English teachers be proud.) Second half of part 12, coming soon! I think one more part after that, and then the alternate ending...MAYBE an epilogue.... so, almost done! Please Review!

Revisions are done, holy joy! And onward!


	24. Chapter 24

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XII**

**War Prayer: Kagome**

* * *

It took a long while for Sesshomaru's words to sink into Kagome's thoughts, and mean something. When they did, she rubbed the last bit of tiredness out of her eyes, and sat up in Sesshomaru's bed, and Sesshomaru's fur, and felt unease fill her like too much cold sake. She felt sick to her stomach – why would he say those things to her?

Almost immediately, as if drawn to it by a magnet, she found herself standing over his desk, paper in hand. The ink was still damp, the words clear and plain, their meaning less so.

_'For now, soft dreams...'_

He had done it on purpose, then, left her while she was sleeping. But he had brought her in here - to this place that was _his_, to his own bed, his own furs.

_This - this is the second time_. _The second time he has left me behind._

She replayed the fuzzy moments just as he had been leaving; the glow of his eyes, brighter than her more recent memories; his voice, that had dragged her back to consciousness.

"_I cannot stay, and let them come to take you."_

Who? Who was 'them', and why....

_"Do not leave me again, Kagome. You know...I am coming back."_

There was no direct sense for her in the words, except a feeling of danger, suddenly heavy, like a weight on her back. She did not know what he was doing, but she knew it was something dangerous. Dangerous!

Why must he now do something dangerous, when everything was better? She felt tears welling up in her eyes, running over before she could stop them, dripping off her face and onto the white fur that was wrapped around her body.

She did not know whether to cry more, or be glad - that he was returning to himself, remembering; that he was becoming, once again, untouchable.

_Even by me?_

The thought was darkly, deeply frightening. She had not allowed herself time to think, time to accept, but if she thought about the seemingly endless future laid out in front of her, it was empty without him in it. She was too used to his silences, his touch, too used to the heat of his presence. Too used to his passion; to the fullness of his eyes even when his face was empty.

Suddenly, irresistibly, the truth swept over her, bent her forward. She sank into Sesshomaru's chair under the sudden weight of it.

_I - I _love _him!_

How it had happened, she did not know, could not comprehend; she knew only that it was the truth. Somewhere between comforting him and enduring his heat, she had begun to _like_ it...more than like it. To know him for who he was when all his masks had been torn aside by grief. And he was passionate, as passionate as his youkai nature; he was violence, possession, the holder of a loyalty, a devotion so deep it was capable of tearing him to pieces, destroying him...

_I love him._

Like fire, the knowledge burned through her. She stayed still, in the same place, for a long time - until she was sure that merely moving would not dislodge her heart from her chest; until she was sure she would not be scattered into a puff of fragile ash.

* * *

When finally, she could move, it was slowly; she ached in deep places, good places. She flushed to think of it, but did not fight the memory; it gave her...hope.

The fur he had given her while she was sleeping was long enough that she could wrap it around herself; warm and soft, that fur - his scent, musky, rain, moonlight, was heavy in it. How? He had not worn it for so long...

At the end of the room was an open bureau, and finally her curiosity became too much, and she went to it, peeked inside.

_Nothing?_

In her head, there was a momentary vision: Sesshomaru, dressed as he once had been, slipping out the door. On the inside of the wardrobe were hooks like an empty museum display; for armor, for a sword. Her eyes made the trek across the room to the bed and then around; she saw black, hung over a screen at the end of his desk, and smiled.

_Yes._

After that thought, she had another, and she almost crept across the room; as if someone would surprise her and confront her - why she felt that way, she had no idea. Her fingers closed around the black silk draped over the screen, and she pulled Sesshomaru's haori off of it - and almost fell over in surprise. It was not, like everything else in this house, a beautiful, perfectly painted screen - it was the work of a child, obviously so. It showed a field of flowers, a great, white Inu on a green hill; a little girl, brown haired, little more than a stick figure.

"Oh...Rin..."

Kagome allowed herself a deep sigh. It was just...not fair. None of it had been fair, for any of them that had been left behind.

Carefully, she pulled on Sesshomaru's haori, tied it tightly, hugged the silk close to her skin. She picked up the fur from the floor and wrapped it around her, and then snuck out into the little maze of the house, found her favorite books and curled up in his bed. It was late afternoon when Shippou found her, and only his voice reached into the room, very hesitant.

"Kagome? Are you -"

"Yes. I'm here, Shippou, he - brought me here, so..."

"Oh. Oh, well, I -"

She could almost see him, and how glowing red his face must be, just from his stuttering.

"Was there something you wanted, Shippou? I was just reading - "

"Well...you said we could - talk. I was just sitting with Kanna, and -"

"Good!"

He heard rustling, and then she was in front of him, tugging on his hand, pulling him down the hallway. His eyes barely registered the rooms they were passing by; he was focused on _her_, on the fur she was holding close to her, like a child holds a blanket; on the clothes she was wearing, obviously not her own.

"Kagome, you - you're wearing - "

She turned away to hide her flush, spoke very softly, almost as stuttering now as he was.

"I can't dress in the robes he brings me without him - and I - I - didn't think he'd like to see me in my miko clothes, so - "

"No. No, you're right, Kagome, more right than you know. He'll like you best just as you are, trust me - oh, in here."

He had not brought her into the music room before; Kanna was sitting alone under the lamps, carefully tuning her lute; she looked up as they entered, flashed a smile that was brighter than any she had shown Kagome before.

_Good girl. He'll figure it out eventually -_

"So tell me, Shippou - what did you do, while we were apart? Sesshomaru taught you to play koto - you said that to me."

Shippou settled into his seat, let her sit next to him and pluck a string.

"Yes. When I kept complaining that I had nothing to do, he asked me what I knew _how_ to do - what I liked. And I said that I didn't know...because, really, what had there ever been time for? You taught me to read, to write, while we were walking along, camping, traveling...and I learned how _not_ to talk to people from Inuyasha, and what people were willing to give away out of fear, from Miroku -

He stopped, because Kagome was shaking with silent laughter.

"Ah...that's what he taught you? Oh, Miroku..."

"Yes, well, I learned from Sango what happens when you get caught, so don't worry - it was a tempered lesson."

She smiled, nudged him with an elbow.

"So you had nothing to do, and he taught you to play koto? That's...honestly, Shippou - "

He grinned.

"I know. That's what I thought, too – but he's good, you know. The best."

"Of course."

He laughed at her.

"Of course."

* * *

She waited, quietly, for four days; it was the fifth day, when Shippou came to her and woke her in the morning with a strange smile, that her feelings began to grow loud inside her.

"Kagome?"

There was an uncomfortable tension in his voice as he stepped towards the bed - it was, after all, Sesshomaru's bed.

"Kagome?"

He saw her stir, shift under the furs and then poke her head out.

"Shi - Shippou?"

She yawned, and he took a step closer.

"You slept late, Kagome, it's almost midday. You seemed worried the last few days, so I thought I'd tell you Sesshomaru is on his way back here."

"Mmm - ah...Shippou -"

She sat up, pulled the furs over her chest, squinted.

"Sesshomaru - how do you know that, Shippou? Shippou?"

He had disappeared from her field of vision, and she heard him laughing, wherever he was.

"A hundred years, Kagome, and you still wake up _totally_ brainless."

"Hey - hey! Shippou, you -"

She threw her pillow at his head; she could see his hair behind her screen, but the pillow didn't go nearly high enough. It hit the screen instead, and knocked it over onto Shippou.

"Ah -!"

He heard her laughter over the crashing of the screen; suddenly, it was worth it.

He was still scowling, when he stood, because he knew she would expect it, but she only raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nice try, Shippou. You go, so I can get dressed."

Carefully, he pulled up the screen and hung up the robes that had fallen with it, one on each section, and then walked towards the door. She stopped him at the threshold, but he heard her moving around behind him and did not turn.

"Oh - Shippou, when do you think he will be home?"

He shrugged, but he was not sure if she could see him.

"I'm not sure - probably not til after dark. I caught his scent very faintly, early this morning; its been getting stronger all day."

"Thank you, Shippou. For telling me."

He smiled, and continued out the door.

* * *

A/N: I think I may continue working on this for right now, and postpone bloodlust til later tonight, so...whee! Part 13, coming soon! Also, many thanks to my most recent reviewers, let's see...1CarinoInu: Aha! I know, he really needed to kill something after being so repressed! Heh. And...I should _probably _not say this, but it can just be a bonus for anyone who actually reads the author's note - he will _not_ be fighting alone! Because, as he will say "I am not my father!" Mwaha. But seriously, humans! Argh! Umm...Also thanks to Linny! 23 chapters at once?! pow! Much thanks! And...to LucyintheSky212; extra appreciation for your comment; if it had the power to draw you in and hold your attention, despite being unusual, I can only be extra complimented! Hopefully the rest is to your liking....and - Onwards!

Revisions, done! Joy! Forwards and suchlike!


	25. Chapter 25

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XIII**

**Unbreakable: Sesshomaru**

* * *

Just as Shippou had predicted, it was hours past sunset when Sesshomaru returned. The night was dark, and cold, and clouded. During the day, he had come through thick snow, but that could not stop him; he knew she was waiting for him. _Kagome_. He stepped forward quickly now, down long hallways and through screens. He was bloody, and it would not be good to look on her this way...but...he paused outside her bedroom, and slid the screen open just enough that he could see in.

The room was cold and scentless.

His thoughts scattered, wondering where she could be at this time of night, why she would not be sleeping, if she was gone…when she had left. He stopped. He still could not go to her this way, even if he had to go out and find her again.

He went outside, and lit the fire for the water to heat, and stripped down to his kosode. Much less bloody, he sat, and waited. Footsteps approached him after a few moments, and he stood up, staring into the darkness.

"You!"

Shippou stared through smoke at Sesshomaru, and glanced at the heating water.

"Where is Kagome, Shippou? She is not in her bed!"

The green eyes narrowed at him, and Shippou pointed towards the house.

"She is sleeping in _your_ bed, Sesshomaru-sama. She has sat in your chair, in your library, reading youkai history or Chinese poetry, wrapped in your fur, dressed in your silk. So, now she is yours, Sesshomaru-sama - go take care of her!"

Sesshomaru accepted this rebuke silently. It was true; he had left her without warning, with only words on paper…but it was necessary. Scents spread faster than words; the scent of Kagome's power was definitely miko, and contained him, now. Only humans were miko. He would not suffer his father's fate.

"I will go to her when I have bathed. She would not like this…mess."

Shippou shook his head.

"Now it is you who does not remember her right. She has treated many wounds, washed away more blood than you have spilled. She will not care at all. You go, and I will bring this water to you. It is better that way."

Sesshomaru stood, and turned his head only slightly, so that he could face Shippou and not get smoke in his eyes.

"Do not think, kitsune, that because I do nothing to you now means you have such license with your mouth in the future. It is only because this time…I deserve it."

He left Shippou behind him, staring at his back, his mouth half open. His footsteps into the house were sure, straight through the main hall and into the north wing to his own bedroom. Calmer now, he could taste the warm breath of her presence; Shippou had been telling the truth. It pleased him to see her there, curled under his furs, the pelt he had left with her wrapped as if she had never gone anywhere. He sat on the edge of the bed, and touched her cheek.

"Kagome."

She turned, nuzzling his hand, smiling now, but she did not wake. Sesshomaru leaned close to her, spoke so that his breath warmed her cheek.

"Kagome, wake now."

She blinked slowly, and then opened her eyes to the darkness.

"S'homaru?"

He kissed her; it was more of an answer than she had been expecting, but when he let her go, she flushed and turned her face away, almost mumbling.

"You are not allowed to leave without me any more."

He laughed silently, and pulled her up so that she was sitting with her back against his pillows.

"I am going nowhere soon, Kagome. There is - "

He paused. He did not want to tell her, not yet. There was time...time. And first -

"You are sleeping in my bed, now?"

She flushed – he could sense it through the darkness, feel the heat even in her fingertips on his cheek.

"The first night after you left, I went to my own room, but - it was so cold in there, worse than - last time - "

She wriggled closer to him, and shivered as the fur slipped off her skin. He pulled it up, felt her bare shoulder, the curve of her breast, and leaned close. She was tempting him, and he was not in a mood to deny himself, but -

"Stay just this way, and do not move. I am going to light the lamps. Shippou is coming with bath water, and I will not touch you while I am so bloody."

She did not listen, and leapt from the bed instead, searching for wounds, a tear in his skin, a scratch, by the light of the first lamp he lit.

"I am not hurt, Kagome!"

He held her shoulders in his hands, stared down at her until his conviction killed the worry in her expression, soothed it. He looked down at his bloodstained silk, the places on his skin where..._things_...had stained his skin, and his forehead wrinkled in disgust.

"This is just the mess my enemies make when I kill them."

The screen slid open, and Shippou entered pushing a large tub, almost empty. He paused, stared at Kagome, her skin peeking widely through the falling folds of fur. Almost immediately, Sesshomaru moved so she was behind him, only her face, suddenly red, peeking around his arm.

"Should I - should I...wait?"

"No."

Shippou stayed still for another moment, as if he expected Sesshomaru to say something else, but there was only a growl, low, tangible, and he scurried out the door. He returned momentarily, and poured water in silence, until the tub was full - and then he almost ran from the room. Sesshomaru looked stripped quickly and looked across at Kagome as he stepped in the steaming water, gestured for her to come to him.

The long fur that had been wrapped around her body did not stay so well while she was walking, and the sliding white strands exposed more of her skin than they concealed. He reached up one hand, traced a moist line from her lips to one nipple...downward. He was rewarded with her faint intake of breath, the brightening of her flush.

"Are you going to bathe with me, Kagome?"

She shook her head, and knelt beside the tub, drawing the fur closer to her skin. It was almost irritating, how easy it was for him to awaken this desire in her, now that she had given in to it once. Looking at him, being close to him, she could not allow herself to think of her own feelings. It was - it was...

"No, but I will sit with you."

The lamplight made his eyes ruddy, a deepening of color that he turned on her in silence. Shippou had brought the bath oils, Kagome's own mixture of shampoo, a pile of towels. The water was hot, and it was good to be clean again...but it was not what he wanted. He was pleased to see that Kagome's eyes did not stray from him, but her hands were tight, holding onto the fur. He could see the questions building up inside of her, and waited. It was not long.

"Will you tell me…where you went, Sesshomaru?"

His face was inscrutable.

"To battle; not a specific place, Kagome, but where my enemies were. I went to seek them out."

_To keep them from you_.

"Then…why? Couldn't you have waited, told me, said good-bye?"

She smiled sharply, shook her head.

"But I forget, I have no hold on you."

Her voice faded to the merest whisper.

"There is nothing binding between us."

Dark-eyed, he stood up, quickly. Water sloshed out of the tub and onto the floor, but he ignored it, reached for one of the towels Shippou had left. Could she be so foolish?

"Nothing...binding?"

The thought was almost enough to make him angry. Something did bind them, something invisible, like a single strand of silk thread. If she could not feel it, if it was not real -

"Kagome, you were sleeping here, why?"

She blinked, and the sharpness faded out of her features.

"The house was empty, silent – you can't know what it's like when you aren't here. I could not sleep at all, so I stole in here and…it was warm, in your bed."

He wrapped the towel around his waist, and pulled his hair through his hands, getting rid of the excess water.

"But - nothing binding, you say."

Her eyes loomed at him, mysterious, dark in the shadows between lamps.

"Is there? You do not find it difficult to leave me behind, but…it is different for those left behind. I do not - I do not _like_ it, Sesshomaru. I am afraid, whenever you leave, that you will not come back. I am afraid that I will not see you for a season...or a year. Or - ever."

He knelt next to her, and pulled her close. His skin and hair were damp, and clung to her, but not as tightly as she clung to him.

"Listen to me, Kagome - listen carefully."

He pulled her up with him, and led her back to bed.

"I left you here because some of those who are my enemies, and some of those who serve me, do not like that I have taken a human for my mate. It does not matter to them that you are miko; that makes it worse...and if they knew who you _are_..."

He shook his head, smiled.

"If they knew who you are, they would probably try to kill you for that reason alone. As it is, I am in your scent now, and they know that you are mine, and intended violence...and so I killed them."

She was staring at him, wide-eyed.

"They - just because - just because - "

"Yes. That is enough. They will leave us be for some time, until they have a chance to lick their wounds, and decide whether or not to be sufficiently..._convinced_. I am not worried about them. There are other things..."

He shook his head.

"Other things?"

"Humans. I smelled them, as I was returning...and I think they are coming here, bringing war. It is my own fault; I was foolish, allowed a human to see me as I am, and then flee. But, I promise you, Kagome - "

Suddenly he was on his knees in front of her, his eyes brighter than the lamps, full of something indescribable.

"I promise you - I am not my father. I will not be defeated by humans; I will not let them have you."

She was barely aware of what he was talking about, but she could see that it was important; carefully, she lay her hands on his wet hair, nodded.

"I know, Sesshomaru. I know you will protect me. But don't forget, I'm not helpless either."

He stood then, and sat beside her, pulled her close and began to peel the fur away from her skin.

"If you want to sleep, Kagome -"

"Then I should go away? But you are here now, Sesshomaru; the moon is very bright, and suddenly I am not tired at all."

Hungry growls slid out of his throat; his fangs vibrated suddenly against her skin, pulling her blood against his tongue. Swiftly, he unraveled the winding fur that covered her, hardening her nipples with the gentle tug of his teeth, brushing his tongue across the very tip of the tight point. His hands slipped between her thighs. Kagome shuddered, moaned, felt his mouth moving over the sensitive skin below her breasts. His breath tickled her stomach, the tops of her thighs; with his hands, he parted her softest flesh and dragged one claw delicately over a moist nub.

Suddenly she was glistening with wetness, a scent that drew him, and he let his tongue flicker over the same place. Her hips rocked, struggling in his hands. Again, that single flicker; again, she moaned and moved against his hold.

"This is good for you, Kagome."

Only her breath answered him, her wanton exhalation.

* * *

A/N: And...I'm continuing onward! Part 13, second half, coming up!

Revisions, complete! (joy!)


	26. Chapter 26

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XIII**

**Unbreakable: Kagome**

* * *

Kagome looked down her body, and the sight of those golden eyes peering up at her from between her thighs brought red up to stain her cheeks. Quickly, darkly, it filtered down to flush her whole body.

"What else do you want, Kagome?"

She could not say anything, tied up in this desire for him, the desire that he brewed in her so carefully, pulling it to the surface...but he did not need her to say anything.

She felt his tongue again, this time slow strokes, steady pressure. A bright ball of heat was building behind the touch of his mouth, drawing on the muscles inside her to clench tightly. The emptiness ached and she knew that feeling; but unlike before, she also knew what would soothe it.

"Please…"

A wide, fanged smile reached onto his face, but she could not see it. Her breath was tight in her chest, a long gasp and then a quick exhale. Without even being aware, her hands leapt down to twine in his hair, holding him.

"S'homaru…please. Please… I –"

He allowed her back to arch off the bed, enjoying the shape of her pleasure. She would not let go of his hair, begging with her hips now that she could no longer make words. Carefully, purposefully, he sped the motion of his tongue, and she shook, and let out a high, unmistakable cry.

'Please' had become a one-word echo that ran out of her mouth like a stream, her hands loosed from his hair now and reached for his shoulders, his hands, his desire. She was not thinking, just pleading, wanting; taunting her, he stood, and pulled her by the ankle, dragging her down over the furs.

"You are the mate of a demon, now, Kagome."

When she was close enough that he could reach her knees, he pulled them up and parted her legs. The touch of his fingers sliding through her wetness brought more cries from her lips. She wanted exactly what he wanted; he had made her that way.

Even memory could not prepare him for the tightness,, sensation clenching and then pulling away. He held her in one place, and took delirious pleasure in the ripples of smooth heat that enveloped him.

His mouth sought her throat, the tops of her breasts, her nipples. Red patterns etched themselves across her skin, added a new layer of tingling to the swollen pressure that accompanied each of his thrusts. She had stopped making noises, now. Her eyes were shut, her face tight, lips parted but silent.

Sesshomaru let go, and surged forward, filling her, holding her. His eyes were blank, his own cry taut, low, growling, Kagome's sounds suddenly higher again, pitched to match him.

Silence wandered between them after that, flowing like water over the closeness of their skin. Sesshomaru's breath heaved out of his chest and left a path like fire.

She looked down at him and could not keep the tenderness off her face; not now, now, in this moment when he had taken her apart so completely, when he himself was most vulnerable. He was clutching at her body as if it was a ward against the darkness; she felt his deep breath, knew he was burying his awareness in his senses, her body; orange blossoms and stars, many scented petals, the slick scent of their union.

Kagome held him, and relaxed against the softness of furs beneath her. Echoes of pleasure stirred her limbs; words and the growl that had filled them remained in her thoughts.

_You are the mate of a demon now, Kagome._

The words pleased her, made her feel solid again, connected to her own flesh. She had learned from Sango what 'mate' meant to demons, long ago while Inuyasha stared into the fire with unreadable eyes.

She felt...not pain, not guilt, just a twinge - that what she felt now, she had been missing for so long. That she had wasted time, in grief, in guilt...

She pressed her cheek against Sesshomaru's chest, listened to the rhythm of his breathing as it evened out, slow now, deeper. A tiny slice of outside was visible through the window slat; the ground soft with snow, the skies silver and shining. The air was thick with luminescent clouds, and she fancied she could hear the sound of drums on the wind, soft, only a sigh.

She felt Sesshomaru tense momentarily, but he relaxed again almost immediately and she pressed her lips against his chest, spoke against his skin.

"Something is wrong, Sesshomaru?"

His eyes were dark; suddenly she did not like the expression on his face.

"They are coming; humans."

Her fingers stroked his skin soothingly, but he was beyond even the ability of her touch to calm; she could feel that rapidly dissipated tenseness building up again.

"What...do they want?"

She asked him even though she could feel the answer in her bones.

"In another hour, it will be dawn. An hour after that, I think, they will be here. I can hear them; their drums, their horns, their footsteps, their beasts. They come with war; they seek to kill me."

"To kill _you_?"

She pushed herself up against his chest, leaned over him; he was inexplicably pleased to see her smile, dark humor floating in her eyes.

"But they don't know who you _are_. They don't know that what they're getting into is so far beyond them..."

She shook her head wistfully.

"There are times, you know, when I miss the old days - and not just the company."

He growled a little, grabbed her around the middle and pulled her over onto his body.

"That is a joke, Kagome?"

Her eyes widened, and then she let out a little giggle, the smallest laugh he had ever heard.

"Sesshomaru, not like that! I don't mean...anything about you. Just...everything was so much easier to understand, then."

"Yes."

He relaxed, let her fall across his body again.

"You are - worried."

She spoke softly; surprise filled her, seeing such an expression on his face. Sesshomaru, worried about humans? What peril was in them, for him - what possible malice? As great as it might be, it could accomplish nothing. Wasn't that so?

"Tell me why."

His face gained tightness she had seen there rarely, and that quiet sense of danger descended over him again, like a blanket.

"S'homaru?"

It was the right thing to say, the right way to address him.

"Kagome, you call me - "

She smiled faintly, flushed.

"I won't, if -"

"No - woman,"

His voice was suddenly husky, gruff.

"You interrupt too much. What I said, what I was saying...you call me that when I am touching you."

She buried her face in the fur beside him, trying to hide a blush that had suddenly spread to the roots of her hair, but he pulled it from her grasp, turned her chin up.

"Only you will call me that, Kagome."

Very gently, as he had done to her more than once, she reached up and ran her tongue over his lips, lightly, gently.

"_Mate_."

The word passed from his lips faintly, almost a groan, and she restrained her sudden urge to laugh. She had not expected it to be so easy to affect him, but the truth of that ease was intoxicating. She wiped the smile from her face, from her thoughts, and shook her head gently.

"Sorry. I did not mean to ask - uncomfortable questions."

She felt him shaking his head over her, turned a little onto her side so she could watch him.

"You do not need to be sorry. I am not used to...this."

His arms squeezed her gently.

"A long time ago, Kagome...a long time ago, humans killed my father. He was terribly wounded in battle; he came back to the place where my brother's mother was giving birth."

"She was - she was having a child and they were still attacking?"

He looked amused at her righteous anger.

"Kagome. Samurai do not care about such things; how is it that you, who are human, do not know this?"

She looked at him with wide-eyes, only shook her head. She had explained to him the strangeness of her temporal dislocation; she knew he had listened, that he believed in the truth that she told him...but he could not really understand the difference.

"I -"

He cut her off, and she saw that there was a certain savagery in his words, as though they had been waiting. Now, pulled into the light, they were words of fire.

"It was because of the birth that they were attacking, anyway. That woman...she was of high blood, among humans. When they discovered that she would give birth to a half-demon child, they said that my father had defiled her; my father, the most powerful of our kind."

His eyes swept across her and something of the violence was in them again; the wind through the window brought her, once more, the sound of drums.

"He defeated them, my father - or so I was told. And then he died, in fire, while the woman ran out into the snow with my brother..."

She felt his heartbeat quickening in his chest, the answering flutter of her own heart, her own breath.

"I had...no idea. Inuyasha never told me, and..."

"You think he knew? An infant, a pup with his eyes still closed, that's all he was. He knew...nothing. And I - "

"And you?"

He knew that tone in her voice, the soft, probing gentleness that she had used to pry Rin's truth out of him.

"And I knew that what he had done was foolish, unutterably foolish. Taking a human woman in the open for all to see. Naming her his mate; getting her with child. Foolish - stupid -"

He smiled and the brutal essence of him that had been peeking out at her before glittered, fully exposed.

"But I am here with you, Kagome, and somewhere my father is waiting for me to die, so he can laugh. Because I, too, have done this deadly, this foolish thing...and I, too, do not regret it."

She felt his smile, its ragged edges, without turning to look at him again.

"So, what do you think those humans are thinking, Kagome? What do _you_ think they expect to do, when they come here?"

She shook her head, and there was not a drop of fear in her, not an ounce of confusion.

"I know exactly what they expect. I do - but you are so much more than them..."

He looked down at her, his eyes, his face utterly serious.

"Yes. Now that you are with me, this is so."

For a while, he allowed her to lay with him, tangled with him, and then she felt him lifting her limbs gently, rearranging her under the furs as he stood. Her eyes caressed his body, the long, lean muscles, the strength she knew was hidden, and a pulse of pride filled her, hot, almost tangible - that as much as she was his, he was _hers. _That the incredible difference between them was nothing, was matched by an equally incredible similarity. He had seen it first, almost at once, in the sharp edges of their pain; and now, more fragile, sharper, she saw it in their passion - the tension of desire, the feelings that neither of them dared to put into words.

"They are coming, Kagome. _Mate_..."

Tenderly he bent to kiss her; eagerly, she accepted the pressure of his mouth.

"S'homaru."

Or maybe they had dared; terribly, provocatively, and the words were their own, words that belonged to them alone, words charged with a tingling essence of the truth. And she thought it, what she could not say, and like the first time it filled her with fire, drove every other thought and feeling from her awareness.

_I love him_.

* * *

A/N: And I present, the end of part 13! much thanks to chaotic reverie for your review; I must confess myself to be all pleased and tingly with that euphoric I'm-going-to-lose-the-feeling-in-my-fingers-soon-and-should-stop-typing- feeling! I have to say, Sesshomaru is definitely one of the harder characters I write in fanfiction, because...well...he just is! So your praise is doubly encouraging.

More soon! I have....five new books, and I'm going to read those, so it might be a day or two before I update, but not too long, promise! And remember: Reviews=me typing faster! Why? Don't ask why! I don't know why!

Revisions, finished! Phew, this is harder than I thought! But – onward!


	27. Chapter 27

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XIV**

**Atonement: Sesshomaru**

* * *

The sound of the drums beating came to Sesshomaru's ears through the night like the stomping, tramping sound of his own doom. There was something ethereal about the sounds, something not-quite-real. He had never had such an experience before; not in the days before the agony, or the days since. Not even with Kagome, who was in her own way unreal, impossible...

He narrowed his eyes, stared out from the shadows of the door at the moving trees, the wind fleeing from the men who were coming and their scent of death.

What he had not expected, what he could barely believe was happening, shocked his senses. He had been told about the death of his father - by Myoga, the incessant flea, and by Totosai, who had heard from Myoga and had _taunted _him with the story. He stood now where he had never thought to stand - in his father's place - and suddenly understood a thousand things that had never clicked in his consciousness before.

Of course he would protect her, even if it cost him his life. How could he not? Without her, the world would return to its silence, its cold - he would never survive an infinite number of empty days, sunrises and sunsets alone. He felt her presence near him as she stirred, moving through the house - she was strong, glowing - when he had left her in bed, there had been an anger on her face that he had not seen in a hundred years.

_Kagome, my Kagome. You, too, are healing, returning to yourself. _

The sound of the drums told him that they were close; if they had an intelligent commander, they would attack just before dawn, the dimmest hour of man's courage.

_Unfortunately for them, I am not a man._

He stood still, like a graven image dressed in exquisite silk; his eyes gleamed like topaz points, bright yellow stars burning beneath the horizon. Behind him, there was the sound of the door sliding open and then shut. Kagome came out to stand beside him, and he looked down at her in surprise. She was dressed as a miko, even to her bow and quiver; his eyes were drawn the tips of her arrows, the gleam waiting there, and to the sparkle of upset in the lines of her face, a deep and abiding fury.

"Mate, you are angry."

"Yes."

Her fingers reached out for his sleeve and tightened, pulled him a little closer.

"I have seen this before, Sesshomaru, many, many times. Humans who kill demons for no reason other than that they are youkai - "

"You should know better than to allow them to affect you in such a way, Kagome. Humans kill each other for less reason than they have to kill youkai; and they say we are the violent breed!"

There was an expression of such disgust on his face; suddenly, Kagome was laughing, holding onto his arm, bent over. Sesshomaru was...confused.

"Kagome?"

"I'm sorry - your face, it's just...that expression was _exactly_ the same as it used to be -"

She took a deep breath, giggled, cleared her throat.

"Sorry, I'll be alright now. But really, S'homaru - "

He had retreated behind a mask of cool dignity, but there was a glitter of amusement in his eyes that he could not quite conceal; not now - not from her.

"You will spend the rest of time laughing at me, Kagome - is that your plan?"

She could not restrain a mischievous smile; her eyes shone at him with sudden warmth.

_The rest of time _-

"Well...not _all _of it."

He bent, kissed her, nuzzled her cheek and spoke low, hot words into her ear.

"The scent of your happiness is more pleasing than the scent of your tears, mate."

She flushed; at the same time, she leaned against him and turned her face away.

"S'homaru!"

"Perhaps, rather than wait for these humans, I should bring you back inside and -"

"S'homaru! As you have reminded me, these are samurai. They will light the - house - on - fire..."

She stopped suddenly, remembering the story he had just told her in a flash. She sucked in a quick, heavy breath - how callous of her! How unfeeling! But Sesshomaru only paused thoughtfully.

"Yes, they would do that. It is - unfortunate. I do not wish this house to be destroyed..."

Suddenly Kagome was laughing again, and he had no more idea what was amusing her this time than he had before. His smile was distracted; the air was thick with the hum of those drums, now, and while this interlude was amusing, comforting in some strange way, the danger was close...too close.

* * *

"You should go in where it is safe, Kagome."

There was a hint of pale light at the horizon, and the darkness of the sky was gaining a hint of blue where it was not touched directly by the pink shimmer of sunrise.

"They are almost here."

Almost convulsively, his hand wandered down and tightened on the hilt of his sword; he felt a twinge in a dark internal place where the pressure of the Inu was greatest. It had been a long time since he had felt that; it had been a long time since he had...something to protect.

"I'm not going, Sesshomaru. I will stay right here, and fight with you."

"I will not endanger you, Kagome. You are - "

"_Not human_. Not like they are. And maybe...maybe I can get them to leave without doing anything stupid. They might listen to a miko - "

"No. You will inflame them, Kagome; their rage, their love for destroying heretical things. A miko, protecting a demon? No, they will demand you join them in the _accomplishment_ of my death. I will not allow them to harm you -"

"I am not defenseless, Sesshomaru! If they want to fight you, they can fight me, too. Purifying power or not, an arrow is enough to kill a man."

He had never heard her sound so ferocious; if he was truthful with himself, he was not unhappy with her desire to fight with him, to protect him as much as he protected her. It was the instinct of a mate; he was...pleased.

"Then stay with me, Kagome - but do not put yourself in unnecessary danger."

"Yes - _mate_."

Just as the sound of drums became the sound of marching feet, Sesshomaru heard the door open a second time, and a pair of footsteps approached and stopped three paces behind him.

"Shippou. Kanna -"

It was Kanna who answered him, her voice still soft and vague, unformed, but brighter than it had been, fuller.

"We, too, are here to fight with you, Sesshomaru-sama."

Shippou nodded, took another step forward.

"You gave me armor, a sword - you taught me battle and told me that it was part of my blood, my right as a youkai."

Sesshomaru turned and stared at them; he heard Kagome's indrawn breath, and then the sound of a war horn from the hill beneath the forest.

"Shippou, I will not deny you - but Kanna, you have no weapon, no training. Once, you bore a mirror - "

He stopped speaking, because there was just such an object in her hands now; he knew it, the mirror she was holding. It had been among the things he gifted to her when he brought her to this place, but it was not an artifact of power.

"Kanna -"

"Sesshomaru-sama, the power is mine. Naraku's mirror had its own power, to make it stronger than any common glass could be...but now, it does not matter. These are only humans."

He stared down at her, and then turned away, took a few swift steps forward so he could stand in front of Kagome and at the same time look down into the valley.

"Very well, Kanna. Shippou, she is in your care. Protect her."

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama."

* * *

The house had been built in the midst of the trees, but there was a clear space where the path came up from the forested valley, and a wide, grassy meadow that leapt out of the edge of the trees and spread rapidly, flowing around the left side of the house and the low wall that bounded the garden and kept it clear from the wood. Now, in this cold season, the grass was covered over by a six-inch layer of untrammeled snow; the trees were bare and looked darker than their wont against the grey winter sky. Each branch, each twig, pointed down towards the samurai who were gathering in the snow like a crooked, beckoning finger. The wind howled with the tones of wolves, and carried the scent of the men up to Sesshomaru, who did not the need the help of the breeze to feel saturated in that odor.

It was a stench; it penetrated his consciousness and aroused the fragile twitch of the Inu inside him to a growling, glowing presence. He knew his eyes were reddening, could feel the cutting edge of his own aura, and took a deep, cooling breath.

They could see him, he knew they could, just as he could see them. Five hundred men stood in ranks with their leaders behind; cowards, foolish humans. Only one man looked up at him with any sort of expression, with anything other than a will suddenly disemboweled by his mere presence.

"Demon!"

He heard the word come whipping up on the wind, and the first ranks took steps forward. He heard the neigh of horses sharp and clear in the crisp air, the creak of leather and the eerie whisper-whine of fine steel as it is unsheathed.

"Demon, we know of your presence. We can see you! Come, and fight!"

Sesshomaru didn't answer, stood completely still. Then:

"Forward!"

The ground trembled under the rhythm of five hundred men moving in step. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed only the slightest bit, and Kagome walked forward to stand beside him and look down at the men approaching them from the valley floor. They were halfway...two thirds....only a quarter of the distance left. A red banner marked with a clan and family Sesshomaru was unfamiliar with blew off its standard in a sudden gust, and was whipped back and forth over the heads of the samurai. He waited for the charge, the order to attack, but the man who had looked at him from the valley, the man with the expression free of fear, was in front of the samurai now. His face showed a fanatic's zeal, the suicidal fervor of a revolutionary but with a more sinister focus. His eyes were dark on Kagome.

"A miko! What are you doing here, miko, in the company of this demon? Your kind are anathema to such as this -"

"The job of a miko is to protect, to exterminate those youkai who are a menace to humans. Sesshomaru is none of those things!"

The man tugged reflexively on his reins and his horse snorted, took a step backwards. For a moment, until the expression on his face became fully visible again, Kagome thought she might actually have caught his attention.

"You - you call this demon by _name_? You, who should be holy? Tell me your name, miko, that I may speak it to the temples and shrines, and let them know which of their servants has fallen from grace!"

Sesshomaru found himself suddenly growling; he felt a stretching at the edge of his flesh, a tug that he knew all too well. The man turned to look at him, seeking the source of the sound; there was still no fear on his face, not even now when the Inu was glaring at him from blood-red eyes. Sesshomaru felt a sudden calm descend on him, the false calm that comes before the storm.

_This man is mad._

But he waited, did nothing; he wanted to see what Kagome would say."

"I am not a servant of any temple, nor any shrine. My name - my name is _Kagome_."

She smiled, and Sesshomaru could not see a reason for such an expression, coming at this time. The myth of her power and disappearance had gone far; it had followed her, but he did not understand it, or know of it. Neither did he understand the man who was suddenly shying away from her, the feverish glitter of his eyes disrupted by the possibility of a legend suddenly come to life.

"You - you are - you cannot _possibly _be - No! I will not believe it! That great and holy priestess has been dead for one hundred years, and you are nothing more than a whore in miko's clothing, standing here beside this demon - _touching _this demon!"

She was indeed touching, her hand pale and soft on Sesshomaru's arm, restraining, for the moment, the surge of violence she could sense in him.

She spoke once more, softly, disregarding all his insults and all his raging proclamations.

"I beg you - please, go. Go, before you all die here. Go, and leave us in peace."

"Peace! You will have no peace - defiled priestess, filth, demon's woman!"

Sesshomaru found himself shaking; he could not allow - would _not allow _-

"No."

Sesshomaru looked down at her, distracted from fatal thoughts by the adamant clarity of her voice.

"I am no demon's woman; I am a demon's _mate_."

And her next words were hot, explosive; they filled him with an incredible pressure.

"I love him! What don't you understand - why can't you leave us alone? I _love _him!"

There was a collective gasp from all those assembled; Sesshomaru felt the air leave his own lungs, heard it escape Shippou and Kanna, saw five hundred men take a collective step backwards. Some of them were gaining the awareness that they had intruded into the territory of legends and _monogatari_.

Sesshomaru heard the words of the human, the only one still standing tall in the face of that proclamation.

"Miko! You cannot love a demon! A demon cannot love!"

They were the worst words the man could possibly have said.

In a moment, one hundred years flashed through Sesshomaru's mind, one hundred years in which he had suffered alone, for that feeling, that _emotion, _that single word - Love. One finger at a time, he was losing his grip on the reins of his terrible power, the power that sought destruction without surcease.

_For Rin – I - loved - my Rin - _

And just as deep, just as powerfully, he recognized his feeling for Kagome, the same-but-different nature of it, and the last shreds of his control were fragmented into tiny, irredeemable pieces.

_Love!_

He could no longer restrain the youkai-pulse, the screaming Inu. In a torrent of wind that broke down the trees and sent men flying like grains of rice in a storm, he changed, his flesh shifting, pulling at itself. It took only a few, terrifying seconds; there was Sesshomaru, and then there was light...and then there was Death.

The Inu took one step forward, so that Kagome was protected between his enormous paws, and roared. Poison, dark green and acidic, flew from his fangs and melted flesh and greenery alike. The forest in front of the house was suddenly full of screams; shouts of _demon, demon!_ and wordless terror. In a faint, otherworldly way, Sesshomaru was aware of violence going on all around him; of blue spurts of fire and the sound of clashing steel; Shippou. Of a shimmer like melting ice, and the groans of dying men, the failing light of their souls as they were leached away; Kanna. There was a pale flicker of pink light from between his paws, and he scented the flower-softness of Kagome's power, flying unrestrained into one man after another.

Only that one man still stood, stepping forward even now with his tiny, powerless sword. It was keen steel, maybe, well-forged in some human castle - but as he stepped forward and swung, it proved incapable of even penetrating Sesshomaru's fur.

The man was mad, but not completely without reason. When he saw that he was unable to wound his chosen opponent, he turned towards the nearest other victim.

Sesshomaru saw the man's intention then, saw him turn with angry eyes, that sword reaching out for Kagome; in a blur he bit once, twice.

The man didn't even have time to scream. The lower half of his body flew apart from the upper half and into the brush. The Inu bent, ripped the head off the torso with a precise movement, and flung it towards a group of huddled warriors.

Then he stepped back, retreated to his position over Kagome and felt her hand brushing gently over his paw, making sure the man's sword had not hurt him -

_Good mate_.

With one paw, he reached forward and swiped up a dozen men, cast them aside like rag dolls and watched red liquids and pink flesh ooze from their cracked skulls. There were running soldiers all over the plain now; he had killed perhaps half of them in his first flush of rage. Only a few, maybe thirty or forty men, still stood with bows and spears, seeking to wound the great monster that had sprung to life from the scrolls of fairy tales and the worst of their dreams.

Quite suddenly, Sesshomaru felt pinpricks; sharp, tiny darts sprang away from his flesh, and he turned to confront this new annoyance, bent down to take the samurai in his mouth, shake them, melt them, bleed them.

Pain! Pain, sharp, sudden, maddening!

Three well-aimed projectiles had lodged in his left eye, the only vulnerable place in the Inu's whole enormous shape. He roared, thrashed his head, almost pawed at the fierce, burning source of his pain and then reached out and swept aside the men who had dared to shoot at him. He saw fire darting among them, foxfire, and then he howled over them, sent venom splashing down onto them and clawed at their huddled, shivering forms. The few left alive went flying. He caught one in his teeth, shook him until he tasted organ-rich blood and then flung the man aside.

There was a last moment of groaning, and dying, and then silence. Blood covered every visible surface that had not been melted down to the earth by the tremendous power of Sesshomaru's poison; Shippou stood panting lightly; Kanna had regained something of her fixed, doll-like expression, but it was fading rapidly. And Kagome - Kagome stood between his paws still, her fingers trembling on her bow, looking up at him.

_Mate. Mate -_

The Inu paced, shook his head, and then crouched in the shattered, trampled garden, and howled his victory.

* * *

A/N: Much apologizings for the long wait (and for originally screwing up and posting chapter 25 twice...!) I had all these books to read, and then I got distracted posting bloodlust....but, here it is, and it is extra long! First half of part XIV, the beginning of the end. Shortly there will be second half of part 14, and then the epilogue. I'm still really undecided about posting the alternate ending. It starts from about halfway through this part, and then has an alternate second half of part XIV and an alternate epilogue. I will warn you in advance, it's VERY angsty, and I think unless there seems to be some interest I will probably refrain from posting it because I might otherwise get attacked by a mob of angry fanpeoples. Much thanks to GettinHotWithJC - sorry; that's what I get for posting chapters at ungodly times of day! Also, True Gemini: ta da! everyone fights with sesshomaru! Not so much greatness for Kagome - there's a lot of that in the alternate ending, but if you read the above you know I'm a little sketchy about posting it...we'll see! And Kageru Bloodrose! Extra thanks for the wonderful praise; to be quite honest publishing my own work is a dear dream of mine, but one that is very difficult to achieve. Actually, I write this sort of stuff to clear out my head when I get writer's block, and then sometimes i end up stealing from my own scenes for other stuff. Nuts, right? But thank you all the same.

The End Is Near, But Please Review!

Revised and tasty! Almost done...


	28. Chapter 28

**Ukime No Sekisetsu**

**Part XIV**

**Atonement: Kagome**

* * *

When the debris had settled and Kagome could see no movement except for the prowling of the Inu, she ran out to Sesshomaru and reached for him. She totally disregarded Shippou's shocked inhalation of breath; she could hear him behind her, his voice sharp with restraining words, but she didn't pay any attention. Her vision was fixed on the bloody blinking of Sesshomaru's injured eye. It did not occur to her to be afraid; the abrupt and startled thought of her own body, mangled by the crushing force of the Inu, had raced across Shippou's thoughts but not across hers.

The idea of Sesshomaru, hurting her, was no longer within her comprehension.

"Oh - S'homaru -"

She stroked the soft white fur of one massive paw gently, and heard a low rumble of growl that she knew was meant to reassure her. But his eye looked horrible, the wooden shafts dark with blood, and she knew what had to be done.

"Come down here so I can reach, Sesshomaru, and then stay very still, very, very still."

There was an acquiescent grumble, and the Inu lowered its head so that she was peering right into one red, enormous eye. Then the head turned, and she was faced with the wound; she took a deep breath, and reached out for the smallest of the three darts that had pierced him; an arrow, the lucky shot of a dead man.

Carefully, she braced herself and then tugged the arrow free with a short, tense movement. She saw a fang suddenly revealed, the lifting of the great lips, heard a shallow snarl, but he stayed still, and Kagome took a deep breath.

"That's one - "

A second time, she braced herself, reaching this time for a roughly-crafted spear; no samurai's weapon this, but probably that of some conscripted farmer, filling out the ranks of the battle under that madman's orders. The man who made this - would his family ever know what had taken him from his fields, never to return?

_Probably not._

Features fixed grimly, Kagome grasped the protruding end of the spear and wrenched it free, wincing, turning away at the last moment. A red spurt bathed her hands and stained her hakama a deeper red, and she felt the Inu twitch under her grasp, heard a greater snarl. She waited, not reaching for the last _splinter_ to have hurt him; the Inu twitched its head back and forth and then turned away from her, wiped the great jaws on the snow. She heard a sizzle, saw acidic poison melt the ground and then vanish.

Quite suddenly a very damp, enormous muzzle was pressed against her side, growling;he had wiped away the venom so it wouldn't burn her. The single open eye was still watching her, and she saw with surprise that the red demon-pressure had faded to a clear and sparkling amber.

It was a queer and bestial gleam, brighter gold now than she had ever seen; in the shape of the Inu, she had only ever seen him as he just had been, red eyed, quivering with bloodlust, sending lashings of poison outward with every growl.

Carefully, unsure of the meaning of this new development, Kagome leaned forward and petted the wide nose; she was surprised to find it velvety-soft, and almost giggled at his snuffle. She was trapped now between one massive paw and his lower jaw, but there was still a single spear left jutting darkly from the wound, and Kagome drew in a deep breath.

"Let go now, S'homaru. This is the last one."

She took the end of the weapon in both hands and pulled violently; there was half a roar from Sesshomaru and her eyes darted suddenly downwards. The great claws were digging into the earth, tearing it, but she didn't dare let go. She was not strong enough to pull the spear out on her own; it was angled too high, almost out of her reach, and she had no leverage.

She was almost angry at herself, but then she heard a scuffling sound behind her, a pair of indistinct whispers, and turned.

Kanna: _"She has no fear?"_

And Shippou:_"Never!"_

Kagome thought it was a wonderful lie, and smiled.

"Shippou! Shippou, come here - you have to help me."

The kitsune turned towards her, and she saw discomfort on his face, a tingle of fear. He obeyed, but his steps seemed heavy, slow.

She could not understand it. The shape of the Inu was deadly, ferocious, both terrible and beautiful...but it was still Sesshomaru. There was a ready recognition in the gaze of that great golden eye; the sound of his growl was meant to comfort her, and she knew this.

She had sensed in him part of what broke the barrier of flesh, restoring this shape to him. The color of his eye, the warmth in it, brought the echo of her own words back to her but the time to confront them, their revelation and their meaning, was not yet come. She did not know why this would be so, except that there was something so tender, so impossible in the gaze of what should be a terrifying beast. Even the idea of fear seemed foreign.

"What do you need, Kagome?"

She shook her head at the sound of Shippou's voice, his hand on her shoulder.

"This spear; either it's too deep or I'm just not strong enough to pull it out. Please, Shippou - "

He eyed the protruding piece of wood for a moment, and then nodded once.

"I think I can -"

His hand reached out and grasped the end of the spear; immediately, the Inu lunged upwards, suddenly standing, the great jaws snapping. This was not mate! This was _other_, coming close to a weakness, an injury. Familiar, the scent of this _other_; perhaps pack. But not mate!

Shippou barely leapt out of the way of those teeth in time, but his grip remained firm; the spear came with him, and he tossed it away on the grass. Sesshomaru was turning his head back and forth, taking in the scents of these two others, Shippou and Kanna, as if only now aware of them. Only that single thought remained clear in the Inu-eye, now fading again into the red.

_Not mate._

There was a dangerous gleam in that eye, and Shippou took three steps backwards, reached out and pulled Kagome with him, his hand on her wrist.

"Shippou, he - "

"Kagome!"

Now that they were out of range of those deadly claws, the flicker of fangs seemed less threatening; Sesshomaru was crouched now, watching them with one eye; the other had closed, and as they watched the slow seeping of blood from beneath his eyelid became a trickle, and then ceased. Shippou didn't move, and pressured by his wariness, Kagome, too, stood still. Only Kanna seemed unaffected by the tension in the courtyard; slowly, looking back over her shoulder every few steps, she made her way back into the house, alone.

She left the mirror she had killed with in the snow.

Minutes passed. The roaring potential that had scared Shippou was dissipated now, but he still hardly dared to move. There was a disturbing note in the Inu-growl, and it was growing with time; it was a summons. Sesshomaru was watching Kagome in a way that made Shippou profoundly uneasy. He was Kitsune, and not Inu, but _some _things...some things were alike for all youkai, all fighting males. First came the bloodlust, the urge to seek battle and death. And after...

Kagome felt Shippou's hand sliding upward from her wrist to her arm, and then it tightened. She watched Sesshomaru stand and stretch, and then he let out a muted howl; Shippou's hand spasmed around her arm and his claws cut her, not deeply but enough to draw blood.

Kagome scowled and almost reprimanded him, but Sesshomaru's howl sounded again, firmer, louder, and Shippou paled before her eyes. He would not let go of her arm. Her eyes were torn between his white-knuckled grasp on her limb and Sesshomaru, pacing in tight circles now,

"What is wrong with him, Shippou? Tell me!"

He was fidgeting now, almost twisting in place; he would not meet her eyes.

"He is - he is calling for _you_."

He turned his face away, trying to hide his bright blush.

"For his - mate."

Another howl, even more insistent.

"Let me go! Let me go to him!"

"But - Kagome - "

She saw something other than embarrassment on his face now, and focused on it.

"It could be dangerous for you, or for him. He is still in that shape because to change now would make that wound far more difficult to heal. He might lose his eye in the process, and have to spend another fifty years regenerating…which I'm sure he'd rather not. But - "

"What is it, Shippou? If he needs - "

"He wants his _mate_. Kagome, if you were youkai then you would be able to change, match him in a shape like that. You - you would be able…to…"

The red flush was darker than ever on his face now, and Kagome was suddenly sporting a blush to match him. She took a step back; he finally released her arm and she covered her face with her hands, but her whisper was clear enough to him.

"What do I do, Shippou?"

He paused - and then he grabbed her again and yanked her towards the door of the house.

"Shippou, what -! "

He was dragging her down the halls, and he stopped at the door to Sesshomaru's rooms, gave her a little push.

"You'll have to wash in cold water, there's no time for heating it; make sure you get all the blood off you, and then dress in something of his."

Kagome blinked.

"Cold wat - something of his?"

"Yes - now _hurry_! He'll tear this house apart looking for you, we don't have much time."

She stared at him for a single moment, and then began to loosen her bloody clothes. Shippou disappeared, and returned in less than a minute with a bath full of tepid water. The howls from outside were becoming more frequent, earth-shattering in their summoning power, their volume.

Faster than she could ever remember doing, Kagome scrubbed herself clean, and then sought the haori of Sesshomaru's that she had claimed as her own while he had been gone. Shippou was standing outside the door waiting for her, and when she reappeared, damp and dressed in Sesshomaru's black silk, again he took her by the arm and pulled her along.

He was not convinced that this was a good idea, but she was Kagome, and she had asked it of him.

How could he not help?

"Listen very carefully, Kagome..."

* * *

Alone, Kagome ventured out into the bloody courtyard and tried to avoid the bodies that still lay scattered - with her feet and with her eyes. As soon as she appeared, a little dot of blackness moving against the bloody snow, Sesshomaru quieted and made one giant bound towards her, crossing the distance between them.

He bent his head to her, and she wrapped her arms around as much of him as she could reach, pressed her face into his fur. He was growling now, a low sound that she recognized; it was a much magnified version of a sound she had heard him make before, when he -

_When he wants me._

"S'homaru, I can't give you what you want; I'm not youkai, S'homaru."

She could feel his snuffling breath against her legs, as if he were testing her words for truth, or somehow confused by them.

"I am sorry, Sesshomaru, sorry I can't give you what you want…sorry I cannot change like you. I am sorry, mate."

She said the words just as Shippou had told her to, low and close to him, her fingers stroking just beneath the great eye, where he had been wounded.

"S'homaru, S'homaru..."

She said it softly, lilting, urging calm with the tone of her voice, drawing out softer instincts. Shippou had explained it; the rush of blood followed by the rush of lust - and she, as a mate, should be there to offer her body.

_Except that I am...something like human_.

His eye was focused on her now though, flickering faintly with a red sheen. Kagome felt the pulse of his youki strengthening, and looked at him in surprise; his white fur had gained a faint, golden glow.

"You should rest, now, mate - rest, and let yourself heal."

She spoke in a low and easy voice, slowed her breathing and tried to even out her heartbeat. Eyes widening, she felt the forepaw she was not leaning against raise her up suddenly, sweeping her away from where she had been leaning. The pads of his paw were cool, the great claws delicately held back, and she wondered what he intended, what he could possibly mean to do - but he put her down again on his shoulder, in the fluff of his neck, close to his ear and the corner of his eye. She settled herself against his fur, not really displeased, but she could not help scolding him gently.

"If you want, S'homaru - but it's high up here, so if I fall -"

She heard a low, reassuring rumble, smiled. It was soft, his fur…soft. She could snuggle into it like a blanket; the scent of him, the scent that she loved, was stronger in this shape, soothing. Her night had been interrupted and the morning had been draining, full of stress and battle. How long had it been she had fought like that?

She dozed, and then slept, burrowed into his fur. Before the day was half over she woke to a sudden chill, a blast of frigid wind, and then found herself groggily pinned under the Sesshomaru that she knew best. Delicately, she reached up and touched his cheek, beneath his eye; he was terribly bloody and she could still see a dimness in his gaze on that side, but she was glad that he had suffered nothing worse.

It was then that she noticed that his eyes were still crimson-shadowed; his skin was hot to the touch, as if with fever. At first she thought it was hallucination, but then he turned her head, ran his tongue over her throat, and she saw the snow melting around his hand - already melted, so that his hand was in a little puddle; there was steam rising from around them in little wisps and whorls like smoke.

He was rough with her, almost violently so, and she recognized the Inu moving him, barely restrained; she felt his breath against her throat, a long inhale, and then a shudder that passed though his whole body. His lips touched her ear, and she heard his whisper, strained, fierce.

"Say it. Say - _it_."

Slowly, though she knew exactly what he wanted, though she was full of heat at the thought, Kagome turned and pressed her lips against his mouth.

"I love you, S'homaru. I love you, mate."

He touched her then; his hands were fire.

* * *

A/N: And, as far as I know, this is...the last part! I may be lying but probably am not; only the Epilogue left now! Much apologizings for the wait, but I have five classes and full time work this semester, so that doesn't leave as much time for typing and uploading as I had last semester! Much thanks to TrueGemini for your review! Being thus encouraged, I think I _will_ post the alternate ending...although, be warned - I don't think it's possible for anything to be more angsty than that particular bit of writing. Epilogue, coming soon! Please Review!!

Revisions, complete! Woo! And...onwards....


	29. Chapter 29

**Ukime no Sekisetsu**

**Part XV**

**Epilogue: Sesshomaru**

* * *

_There is a room in my house that has not been touched in a hundred years; the two screens in it are faded from the light of the sun; the curtains, folded back over their frames just as they were, are frayed and moth-eaten, as pale as the screens. The remnants of a burned manuscript, charred almost beyond recognition, far beyond reading, rests in the ashen remains of an ancient fire. _

_I keep it that way as a reminder of what was, though I know I will never forget. I have never forgotten anything, and once that was my curse. Now, in this time, when I am able to breathe easily, I am satisfied to tread the dust of that room once in a while; in a season, a year, a score of years. To look at the crumbling paper and remember what it said; to remember my own thoughts. _

_Those words - they were both true, and a terrible lie; a lie of omission. Because the tale that began in the vanished past was not mine to tell, until it belonged to me; because a happy ending, made falsely, is no ending at all._

_So this is that story, and it is my story; they are different, and they are the same. _

_That is the way it is between us, too, my Kagome and I. Even now, she is still my cure, the only salve for the endless pain; she knows this, and it pleases her. She thinks that _I _do not know, but it is foolish of her; there is nothing that is her that I have not taken to myself, that I do not understand...and it is simple, this thing between she and I, easy to comprehend._

_She knows that if I were to lose her, I would be less than nothing - and that as long as she remains, there is no one in this world who is stronger than I am. _

_That strength - that is all she asks of me, and if it were not that way I would not be content. _

_Because of that, she does not require of me the words a woman expects, she does not ask me for them or protest at their infrequent sound. When I do say them, I choose the time well; when she has that melancholy look, when I know that there is too much memory in the glint of her eyes...when winter is approaching, and the sky is grey._

_"I love you," I tell her, and she is always just as startled, just as fragile, just as beautiful as the very first time. Beyond all other things, I prize that expression; the look she gives me that makes her soul visible in her eyes, the shimmer of her devotion, the glow of her love. I will never give it up; I will never let her go. She is mine, and she allows this because she knows that I am equally hers; she is mine, and not even the gods can ever change that._

* * *

The moon was dark, the thinnest sliver it can be before it disappears completely, but the sky was still bright with stars. On the bridge in garden, Sesshomaru was standing alone, listening to the terrible sound of Kagome's screams. Blood slipped between his fingers, stained his clenched fists and dripped down onto the wood. At first, he had been holding onto the rail of the bridge - but the first, sharp scent that had come to him, the smell of blood and fear, had almost made him snap it in half.

At the other end of the house, he could hear Shippou pacing back and forth, the Kitsune's worry almost as tight as his own...but without the push of instinct behind the feeling, Shippou could control himself. Sesshomaru felt like a tightly wound spring; he could feel every drop of the blood in his veins pulsing with the beat of his heart as time went by.

It was Kanna, much changed from how she once had been, who stayed with Kagome until the midwife came, and after; Kanna, who came bringing reports of Kagome's progress to the two males who waited outside, each of them made fragile by fear of this one danger which they could never share.

Hours passed; the near-moonless night became a cloudy, near-sunless day, and still, Sesshomaru heard only the sound of screaming, smelled only blood. Finally, near noon, Kanna came and there was a faint smile on her face - it was the first encouraging thing he had seen all day.

"Sesshomaru-sama, you have a son."

_A son!_

"And Kagome?"

Kanna shook her head, lisped softly.

"She is not through with her labor. The midwife says - there is another."

She turned away then, while his eyes were still widening, and spoke over her shoulder as she retreated towards the house.

"I will tell Shippou-kun, and then I must go back to help. Kagome-sama says to tell you not to worry."

Kanna's voice was overridden in Sesshomaru's ears by a low, gut-wrenching groan that wound its way quickly up through the octaves. He had known that the birth of a hanyou was not an easy thing for a human woman; he had _not_ known that _not easy_ meant...this hard.

"Go back to her; I will tell Shippou. "

His hands had tightened on the railing again. This time the shining wood splintered, cracked, and then shattered in his hands. Shards of wood fell from his fingers and the broken rail and splashed into the water under the bridge.

"Go _now_."

Before she had even made it to the door, Sesshomaru had crossed the courtyards, flinging himself from one step to another as if that could somehow help his concern, his agitation. Still, beneath that uneasy tide of feelings, there was joy in him.

_A son! And a second pup -_

He found Shippou pacing back and forth behind the north wall, and stopped him; Shippou saw that wild pride on Sesshomaru's face, connected it to the sound of a child he had heard, and a grin burst across his features.

"The birth is over? She must have had -"

"A son. But it is not over; Kanna tells me there will be another."

The color sped out of Shippou's face as quickly as it had returned, and Sesshomaru reached out a hand, grasped the Kitsune's shoulder.

"She is strong."

Shippou nodded slowly; they waited together, and the sun began to sink along its westward course.

Shortly after nightfall, a lull of relative quiet was broken by the cry of an infant, and both Sesshomaru and Shippou started up at the same time. There was no message from Kanna despite the sound, and though he said nothing Sesshomaru felt fear begin its harsh journey through his blood again. Carefully, he tested the air; there were new, unknown-yet-familiar scents in the air, and even though he could not distinguish them clearly through the pungent blood-smell he knew who they belonged to.

_My pups..._

When it was dark, and the moonless sky was glittering with the light of stars, his impatience crested and then ran over. Kanna still had not come bringing word; it had been almost an hour since the last terrible sound had been heard. Sesshomaru spoke abruptly, startling Shippou, just as a set of infant cries strung themselves through the air.

"I am going inside."

Shippou stepped forward immediately and reached out a hand, but the expression on Sesshomaru's face stopped any thoughts he might have had about trying to hold him back; still, he scowled in Sesshomaru's direction and had no compunction about speaking out. Sesshomaru had begun at Kagome's beside, holding her hands, but he had quickly been sent outside to worry out of sight. His obvious apprehension had only served to make Kagome more nervous, and if anything, after a day and a half of waiting, he had only gotten worse, not better.

"Sesshomaru-sama, the midwife said we should wait - "

A glance, a glare, was enough to silence Shippou; there was a promise of pain in it that the kitsune had no desire to test.

"It has been too long."

Sesshomaru's eyes were dark; now that he had made up his mind for good, he wasted no time. His steps became sharp and quick as he made his way around the house to the door of the main hall. But just as he reached it, a shadow appeared from the other side of the door and slid it open - Kanna.

"Sesshomaru-sama! I am sent to bring you; it is over now."

And she peered over his shoulder into the night, caught Shippou's eye.

"You can come later, Shippou-kun. Kagome-sama is asking for you, too, but Sesshomaru-sama should have time first."

She stepped back out of the doorway and Sesshomaru registered her red-stained hands and yukata, barely restrained himself from running past her. He forced his steps to remain slow, sedate, and passed the midwife in the corridor without a word. He felt her eyes tracking him, demon-bright eyes, and wondered if she would dare to say a word, to question his chosen mate, the pups she had born him; the silence continued uninterrupted - she would not.

Sesshomaru smiled; it was good to have things back the way they belonged. His feet brought him to the door of the birthing room; he slid it open quietly and the image that met his eyes was the most incredible thing he had ever seen.

"_Kagome_..."

His voice was hushed and almost breathless; she looked up at him, bloody, exhausted beyond all imagining, and it was the most beautiful he had ever seen her. She lay still, and smiled at him, and said nothing, but her eyes beckoned him forward; in her arms, quiet now, lay not two, but _three_ squirming, silver-haired pups.

Two had latched themselves onto her breasts, but all three seemed quite content; the third lay between his brothers on his back, looking up at his father with wide, golden eyes. Carefully, Kagome lifted him and held him out to Sesshomaru; with awkward, half-tender movements, Sesshomaru cradled his son.

Smiling, Kagome let out a long sigh, yawned.

"Are you going to name them, Sesshomaru? Our sons?"

Sesshomaru looked down at the nursing pair, back at the pup in his hands.

"Yes. This one - he is the youngest?"

With a raised eyebrow, surprised that he had guessed correctly, Kagome nodded. Sesshomaru stood for a long moment, contemplating, and then held his youngest pup away from him, stared into the golden eyes. There was silence, and then Sesshomaru spoke firmly.

"Tamotsu. This pup is named _Tamotsu_."

He saw Kagome raise an eyebrow in surprise, but she was not displeased. With just as much care and intentness, he lifted Tamotsu's brothers, one at a time. His second son tried to catch hold of his father's hair, and when he was unable promptly bit Sesshomaru's thumb and then smiled brilliantly. A drop of blood glittered on his newborn fangs.

"Pup, I will name you _Tsuyoshi_; Tsuyoshi, who does not know fear!"

The eldest, though, was not as cooperative as his brothers. From the moment Sesshomaru lifted him away from his mother's breast, he howled; while his father looked into his eyes, seeking something of his soul, he growled and snarled and reached with his tiny claws, squirmed and bared his fangs.

"Takeshi! Takeshi is -"

"No, S'homaru."

Kagome reached out her hands, and Sesshomaru relinquished his unyielding son; he was calm in his mother's hands, and quiet again once she had put him back to her breast.

"No?"

Sesshomaru eyed her for a moment; didn't she know that the name of a son belonged to the father?

"No. This one...this one is _Takeshimaru_. He has your _look_."

Sesshomaru stared down at his son, and very slowly, he smiled.

"Yes. Then - Takeshimaru, that is your name, pup. Because your mother wills it so."

He sat beside her then, and brushed damp hair away from her forehead, listened to her heartbeat, low and steady, and the echo that was his sons, their quiet breathing.

_Kagome..._

He thought it, but did not say it out loud; already, he could see that she was falling asleep.

_Kagome_.

* * *

A/N: Ta-da! Finally, after much long waiting, the epilogue, part 1! I know that took forever, but I really hate to see this fic end; it's really my favorite out of all the ones I've written (at least for Inuyasha). Much thanks to everyone who has waited so long! Kagome's part of the epilogue will come relatively shortly; spring break is this week, and I've already started part of it - and there's still the alternate ending, too, although I'm not sure when that will be done. It's really, really angsty, so it's hard to write when I'm not in the right mood. Much thanks go to TrueGemini, 1CarinoInu, REDWOLF47, and Scriptix for awesome reviews; hopefully you guys have hung on for the last month....

Anyway, more soon! As always, Please Review!

Oh - and for those who care, these are the meanings of the names I picked for the pups! (Three of 'em. Heh. Poor Kagome!)

_Takeshimaru: fierce/violent; warrior; unyielding as the bamboo_

_Tsuyoshi: brave, valiant _

_Tamotsu: defender; protector_

Revisions...complete! Now, for the Epilogue, Part the second!


	30. Chapter 30

**Ukime No Sekisetsu **

**Part XV**

**Epilogue: Kagome**

* * *

_It has been three hundred years now, since I was left alone. Two hundred years, since I found my heart again, since I became, as much as is possible, myself again. _

_It is Sesshomaru who has done this; Sesshomaru, and even now I cannot think it without it wondering. If I had lived a thousand years I would still have never thought it, never contemplated it. Once it had happened, when I could pause and look back at the feelings that grew between us and wound us tightly together...then, I thought – of course. _

_But only then; only after it had become my life._

_When he looks at me, I feel the embrace of a molten shadow; I know it is his love. If I could be frightened, I would be. What a terrible power it is, that love; imbued with his relentless will, his undaunted might._

_In the beginning I wondered if I had the strength to bear it, the weight of that love...but time passes, and I remain, and he remains; my anchor in this unsteady world. _

_The sons and the daughters I have born him are the reminder that we do still walk and breathe in a world of flesh and blood; the pain of each childbirth, I treasure. How else would I know that I am not laying in an endless dream? There are mornings when I wake and wonder if a creeping doom is just behind me, waiting out of sight, and in those mornings I cannot help but think that someday, we must pay for this happiness._

_Or did we pay already, my mate and I? While each of us was steeped in grief, and grey, and silence; while each of us was drowning in the wreckage of our own despair. He tells me I am his cure – and I laugh and ask him what he thinks I would be without him. Sometimes that quiets him; he remembers as well as I do the dark, guilt-ridden person I was...and he knows what it was that brought me back to life._

* * *

For the first time in three decades, Kagome had convinced Sesshomaru to accompany her and the children to the near-by village festival. That village was nearer to them now than it once had been, and larger - but that had not bothered them much. There were still tales of the demon who had killed so many brave warriors of the Asano clan. Three men only had lived to tell tales of the great Beast and the priestess who claimed to love him, but those men were long dead now and the death of the living memory had brought the patina of legend to the last of the great _monogatari_.

Legend or not, the people of the village still did not venture into the northern woods; that way, old women said, led to the demon's lair. Neither Sesshomaru nor Kagome complained. He had always liked his quiet, his solitude – the only companion for him was the one who would fight him, but few were left, now, with the power to challenge him...and _she_ liked it that way. For her, Sesshomaru was enough, and her children. She had had her adventures; they had left her with a bittersweet memory and no desire for more violence.

But when the quiet was too loud, on days like today, she prevailed upon Shippou to give her sons and daughters human disguise, and they went into the village. Only once had Sesshomaru agreed to come with them, and even then he had refused to walk by her side in human guise – _that_, even she could not bring herself to ask him. From the shadows, she had felt his eyes on her; it was like the first time, the reason why she often chose this particular evening, these particular festivities, to come and visit.

She was not sure why he had agreed to accompany them; she thought that probably, it was because of Lin. Even as it crossed her mind, she heard him speaking and the childish voice of her youngest daughter in answer. She turned a little, and looked over her shoulder; she could just see them, hovering inside the door.

"It is time to leave, Lin. "

"Otou-sama, may Lin have up?"

Sesshomaru hesitated for only a moment; he could see Kagome watching him, and the smile on her face. She knew as well as the child that he could never deny her; she was special to him, their strange, wonderful daughter.

She knew that he suspected their Lin had Rin's soul; she could not help suspecting the same thing herself. Would it really be so difficult, so impossible? There were stranger things in her experience, and she had seen the bond between them, its strength - Sesshomaru's refusal to let go, to allow it to break.

Lin's first words had not been until she was nearly five years old, but when she had begun speaking it was not in words but in screams, in a nightmare that Kagome had never heard in full. It had disturbed her to listen; to hear their child, who had never once been unprotected, cry out for anyone, anyone to save her - for _Sesshomaru-sama_ to save her!

It was Sesshomaru who had known how to comfort her, and from that moment forward there had been a special closeness between them, father and daughter, which Sesshomaru _knew_ the reason for and Lin did not wonder at. Kagome did not complain. Sometimes she wondered at it, but she had six sons and two other daughters calling for her attention, and she had easily accepted that this one, the youngest, was Sesshomaru's.

Even when she was born, there had been something that had made her different; it was why Kagome had allowed Sesshomaru to choose her name, though he had told her time and time again that their daughters were her own to name – as their sons were his.

Of all their children, only Lin had come into the world alone – and only Lin had inherited her mother's power and coloring, dark hair and dark eyes; even the fur on her little ears was velvety black. All her sons bore their father's face, though none more than the eldest, and their two older daughters had taken after him as well. But Lin was alone in bearing the blue crescent mark and the dark, crimson stripes she carried on her cheeks and wrists.

Watching them together, their tiny, dark haired daughter and her mighty demon lord, Kagome could only smile. The girl who had been lost was the last thing that had been missing from their world. Now it was complete, and the shadows had lifted.

"Kagome, come. We will be late."

She looked up, and reached out to take the hand Sesshomaru had stretched toward her. He pulled her out into the dark, holding Lin in his other arm. They walked together beneath the glowing moon and a sky of stars like scattered shards of glass.

* * *

A/N: And, finally, the last half of the epilogue! I must apologize; this has been finished forever, and I only just realized when I was getting ready to post stuff elsewhere that I had never put it up! Sadly, the end has now come. There may be future posting of the extremely angsty version of the end, but I've found myself unwilling to tear apart the happy ending, which I like, so its most probable that this fic is now over.

Thanks everyone who read and reviewed; continued comments are always welcome, of course!


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